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McQueen waited with Kylen - waited for sunrise. 'A chief event in life is
the day in which we have encountered a mind that startles us.' She
qualifies, he realized. McQueen wanted time to consider the past few hours.
He felt torn in two directions: He could deny or embrace her premise. He
would have to decide.
There is more to Kylen than meets the eye. She sees more than you think she
does. She understands things that you don't think she should be able to.
Kylen has confidence in life, and mostly she expects to be loved - and she
is. Kylen is loved, genuinely, and she loves back the same way.
McQueen had to admit that Kylen had hit the nail on the head. He had been
feeling suddenly crowded and out of touch with his core. She was right. A
family had been a brief dream he had had a while back, but it had nothing now
to do with his self-image. The Wildcards had become a family - his family -
and that had been a surprise. And they had been enough. But now this sudden
embarrassment of riches was cause for consternation. How would these
feelings affect him? What would it do to his edge?
The damage was done. It would take months and tremendous energy to shut all
these people out of his mind. He would always have them now. If he denied the
truth of her assessment - if he turned away from these people - they would
still invade his thoughts daily just as if he took them with him. They would
drag at his heart and divide his attention. He might as well embrace it.
Emerson had said: 'A certain awkwardness marks the use of borrowed thoughts,
but as soon as we have learned what to do with them they become our own.'
Kylen had told him to learn how to use this new power - this new knowledge.
He could learn to live with the warmth he felt. He laughed silently. It was
an amazing thing.
Neither survivor spoke as they watched the sky in anticipation of the sun.
Their faithfulness was duly rewarded. The sky began to lighten, and soon the
sun began to rise over the lip of the ocean. McQueen could almost appreciate
the sound of water dripping off of the disk as it rose. He looked over to
Kylen and noticed that a few tears had slid onto her cheeks, but she seemed
calm and contained - serene and complete as when he had first seen her.
McQueen reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.
"Coffee?" he asked.
"That would be perfect," she said.
McQueen left her and made his way to the kitchen. The remains of last night
were painfully evident. He started the coffee and began to police the area.
He moved easily around the room, his efforts economical and efficient. Dale
entered the kitchen wearing a robe exactly like the one Kylen had on, only
newer. He gave the room the once over.
"What in the world ... You were supposed to apologize - not continue the
argument. What happened down here?"
"Kylen had, what I guess you would call, a breakthrough last night - about
her imprisonment - about what she lost," McQueen tried to explain in the
broadest of terms.
"You were with her when it happened?" Dale asked, and McQueen nodded yes.
"Thank God you were here," Dale said.
McQueen had a realization. He could leave now. McQueen had felt
responsible
for Kylen since they had met on the transport - responsible for her safety
and well-being. He had been waiting almost as long as he had known her for
Kylen to figure things out. McQueen had been unsure how she would manage the
truth, and had been frightened for her. He had wanted to be there when it
happened. McQueen hadn't trusted anyone else to be able to handle the
situation. Kylen had broken through the wall. It was over. He could leave.
"She's upstairs on the Widow's Walk. I was going to take some coffee up,"
McQueen explained as he finished cleaning the floor.
"She is brave, isn't she? Almost a little hero." Dale spoke as he grabbed two
travel mugs from a cupboard, prepared the drinks and snapped the lids into
place.
McQueen considered and then answered. "'A hero is no braver than an ordinary
man, but he is braver five minutes longer.' Yes, she is brave, and probably a
hero." He felt extraordinarily proud to know her.
Dale spoke: "I'll get rid of Amy for the day - send her to the mainland for
something. I'll be at the Clinic if you need anything. GO, take care of
Kylen."
McQueen was halfway up the stairs when Dale called from the kitchen. "Hey,
where is your cane?"
"I have no idea," McQueen answered as he hotfooted it up the stairs with the
coffee.
McQueen entered the glass room only to find that he was alone. He set the
coffee down and checked the roof walkway. Kylen was gone. His back ached as
he felt adrenaline being squeezed into his bloodstream. McQueen rushed to the
ladder staircase only to see her making her way back up the stairs.
"I went down - Dale said that I had missed you," she said as she climbed.
McQueen looked down at her as she negotiated the ladder in her huge robe and
squeaking slippers. Kylen suddenly slipped. He reached down and grabbed her
arm, stabilizing her before she could hit the steps. She looked into his face
and smiled. He caught his breath. McQueen had seen something inside her that
he hadn't acknowledged until that second. An understanding hit him, and it
was almost painful in its completeness. He had graduated from more than his
cane.
McQueen had heard that lovers could see themselves - or their unborn children
- reflected in each other's eyes. He saw neither in her. That wasn't it.
Kylen had told him once that the point was not someone belonging to you, but
rather, you belonging to them. McQueen realized with absolute certainty that
now he belonged to Kylen. He hadn't seen anything in her eyes that was
common to poetry, but rather he had entered into them and felt a home for
himself. Kylen belonged to him. He realized that Kylen had been his family
for quite a while ... realized that she would probably always know how he
felt before he did. She would be a door to the world for him. Someone who
would tell him the truth. Kylen would always take his part. She was someone
he could always trust - whose love would be unquestioned. They would quote
each other for the rest of their lives. McQueen knew that he would feel her
vibration inside his heart until the day he died. He was sure that she had
facets and layers that would continue to startle him - But he knew, at that
moment, all he would ever need to know about Kylen. She was True North. Kylen
added to him, gave him something no one else ever had. Amy had been correct
in her assessment. He did love Kylen. Loved her in a way that he had never
anticipated - didn't know existed. She wasn't his lover. She wasn't his child
and she wasn't a little sister - she had no easy definition, but she would
always carry part of his soul.
Door number ... what? he thought to himself. Kylen would love it, but he
doubted that he would ever tell her. This was his own moment. All his own.
Singular.
McQueen pulled her up the rest of the way until she was stable on her own two
feet. He knew he would remember that instant for the rest of his life.
Answered and blessed, Kylen. Answered and blessed.
The End
Literary Giants - Author's notes.
Complete list of authors quoted. No copyright infringement intended:
Well, what started out as a short story has turned into a novel. The blame is
my own, but let me share many thanks to the following people. I recently read
an article about the phenomenon of Fan Fiction on the Web - one of the most
interesting and key facts was the friendships that spring from doing the
work. --- It is TRUE.
* Brenda for way back when (as we were discussing something altogether
different) asking me how I thought that McQueen and Kylen knew each other -
and thereby getting the whole ball rolling. She gave me the push.
* Rayhne for her permission to use Dale Steinbeck and the Clinic in Maine.
And the 'Virtual" T.V. series. Late night IM sessions and good humor.
(Thanks too, Becky and Sandra)
* Any similarity to my work and that of Phyllis Christie is because we are
both from the same batch 1897658 - 27A, Cleveland Facility. Phyllis - for her
unwavering encouragement and friendship. Not to mention the scary fact that
our minds travel a similar path. Here is to New Year's Eve and someday the
ballet, Babe.
* Una for accepting the piece. Her counsel and wonderful work, and her advice
about showing 'inner lives', which resulted in a novel.
* Annie - my hero. Quotations from her marvelous children's fantasy
"Tumbl'Tower" are used with her gracious permission. Her work, "Parameters of
Peace" sets an extraordinarily high bar for the rest of us. She has been an
amazing inspiration and encouragement. A generous spirit. Thank you for
everything.
On a 'real world' note.
*Tom - could not have done this without you. Amazing eye and keen insight
and friendship without boundaries.
* Dr. Cynthia G. - for help in exploring the psychological aspects of
rehabilitation.
* Niles - for your confidence in my life.
* Joan - for everything!! For believing that I could do it. For sharing your
experiences and insight. Answered and Blessed.
* Chuck - for redefining 'Defining Moments' - for a new definition of
success.
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