A chuckle was the only answer.

Willing back these memories to the farthest corners of her mind, Megan's hands shivered as she put them down onto the desk.

She had other things to attend to, things she had pushed away for nearly five years. But try as she might, she could not .. these events had been part of her life ever since. She had been so certain that Cooper would forget her but she silently chided herself as a fool.

Of course, he would not forget me. They had spend the most wonderful day and night together back on the Bacchus. They had not spoken of love or a possible future life together but deep down Megan had known that her life would be inevitably tied to the one of the In-Vitro Marine.

With a sigh, Megan tried to compose herself. Dwelling on things past did not help her right now. Perhaps she was about to face the biggest battle in her life, meeting Cpt. Cooper Hawkes.

"The Squadron Leader is awaiting you, Captain," Corinne said. "Just go down the corridor, and through the last door on the right, please."

Cooper nodded and, picking up his briefcase, he walked down the corridor to the appointed door.

He went into the room beyond the door, after he had knocked sharply. The female officer behind the desk was occupied with some papers and folders lying in front of her on the desk and a feeling of recognition washed over him. Cooper stared at the woman who, at that very moment, raised her head.

"Hello Cooper," she said and pushed herself to her feet.

"Meg ..." Cooper said, his voice barely a whisper.

All of a sudden, his mind became a turmoil of thoughts and memories, all intertwined with each other making it impossible to seperate one thought from another. Desperately he tried to get his mind under some kind of coherent control.

It could not be, he thought. Megan Chambers was DEAD, she had been killed on Icelos.

"I thought you're dead!" he blurted out. "They told me you're MIA and now you're ... here?"

Cooper shook his head as if to clear it and closed his eyes. That can't be happening. I'm dreaming, it can't be true!

"Cooper, please, sit down ..." Megan said and slowly came over to him. She pushed him into a nearby chair and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Cooper. I should have told you ..."

"Told me what?" Cooper glared at her. "Told me that you're alive? You're alive all this time an' you didn't bother to inform the stupid tank, heh?" His voice grew louder and he stood up, pacing the small space in front of her desk, almost running her over.

"You thought you should spare me, huh? Thought it would be better if I would think you were dead? GOD, Megan, right now I could kill you for that," he pointed an accusing finger at her.

"I thought we had somethin'. I thought we could be ... together ... when this was all over ... Don't you think I had a right to get more than ... this?!" Cooper had yanked out his dogtags and tore a plastic cover from it. In it was a small crumpled yellow paper and he threw it at her with a snarl.

Megan closed her eyes. She knew what it was, her parents had received the same and over the years she had received these notifications over and over again.

Cooper turned away from her, drawing in deep breaths to stop the shaking. He had to keep his wits together, so much he knew.

"All those years when I thought you were dead, this kept me alive. This and the ring you gave me. When I got the death notification I wanted to die as well, wanted to kill every Chig just to make the pain stop!"

Meg had listened silently and now slowly, painfully bent down and picked it up. Offering it to him, she noticed that he was inspecting her.

Hawkes stared at the woman in front of him who was supporting herself on a crutch. He had not noticed it before, had not noticed the silver tipped stick, she had in her hand.

"You ... you ..." he began but he was lost for words.

Megan closed her eyes and turned her head away from him.

Now he was able to see that she had a scar running from her ear across her cheek to her mouth. It must have been a nasty scar that it still showed its criss-cross traces on her once perfect face.

"Meg," Cooper whispered and Megan turned away from him, hiding the tears which all of a sudden broke free after all those long years she had suppressed them.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't want to hook you up with a cripple ..."

Cooper was at a loss. Something had broken in him after he had seen her a few minutes ago but the old feeling, the old yearning was still there, increasing even.

I have to get out of here, he thought. I have to get away to clear my head otherwise I'll do something I regret later.

Grabbing his cap and the briefcase, he left the office.

Megan heard the door closing behind him. It felt like it was closing on her life.

Cooper Hawkes inhaled deeply once he was outside the building.

He had to get away, had to make up his mind of what he should do, but all he could come up with was Megan's face.

He walked back into the HQ, determined to go back to Megan but as soon as he was inside, his step faltered. He turned towards the desk and the guard on duty informed him that Jeffries had put him up in one of the officer's apartments on base.

Following an MP to a jeep, he was driven to his lodgings.

After he had let himself in, he threw his jacket over a chair and took off his shirt and tie.

Staring out of the window he tried to make sense of the things which had happened.

Megan, he thought. Megan he had thought lost and had found again. He needed to talk to someone and yet no one came to his mind. He could have phoned Shane or 'Phousse but both women were caught up with their own careers and families and he knew that they wouldn't be of any great help to him. Besides, God only knew on which planet Shane was stationed at the moment as she had just received a promotion to Major.

West and Wang were busy with their own lives as well. Wang having studied law after the war had ended and now he was with the JAG. And West?

Cooper smiled grimly. The Wild Cards had attended his marriage with Kylen Celina but Nathan had been divorced now for two years. The ordeal of Kylen's imprisonment had put a constant strain on their relationship and had made it impossible to make it in married life.

All of the Cards had either stayed or returned to the Corps. They were heroes, the pride of the Corps and yet they all had their problems with life.

Even McQueen had problems of his own. The last thing he had known was that full Colonel McQueen was in Japan at the moment. Charges had been pressed against him for maltreating an AI POW and Paul Wang was on his way to assist their former CO to defend himself.

Hawkes thought about informing Megan about her godfather's troubles but he decided against it. He knew her, she would be determined to visit McQueen, and he didn't want that. He didn't want to see her there, talk to her, be with her.

Cooper sighed and turned away from the window. Perhaps he could drown the turmoil in some stiff drinks at the officer's mess.

Megan never knew how she had gotten home after her meeting with Cooper.

Remembering his accusations, his pain, triggered her own hurt inside and she had blindly followed the streets home, her mind occupied with Cooper and her past.

She should have told him when she had been released, that much was true. But she had not been in a state where she could have thought straight.

After her release from the POW camp on Icelos three years ago, she had been transported back to Earth immediately, undergoing serious operations on her face and spine. She had been in constant psychiatric care during and after that.

From her first three months of freedom she only had a somewhat fuzzy recollection. The doctors had her drugged most of the time and during her painful therapy of both mind and body, she had pushed everything aside, trying to focus on one thing only: to get back on active duty.

She had succeeded ... somehow. After she had been declared fit for duty again, the top brass had given her a desk job.

To return into a pit of a Spitfire or a Tornado had been out of the question, fulfilling her punishment she had received after her trial at Icelos: a pilot too seriously injured to ever get into the air, let alone space again.

Meg closed her eyes as she sat at her desk at home. At first she had not known what the AI unit had meant when it had told her about her punishment, but after the days, weeks and months had passed, she had understood.

What would be the biggest punishment to a jetjockey? she asked herself silently.

To ground the pilot for good, she answered herself.

They had injured her spine, not too seriously, but effectively. Through the one year she had spend as a POW on Icelos III, she had been able to move around ... just barely, increasing the injuries to her spine little by little.

The doctors back home had tried their best, reconstructing her bones to their best possibility to coming up short of replacing them with AI technology.

She had four steel plates and nails in her back, which still from time to time caused her a great deal of pain. During these times Megan had to either rely on her crutch, when the pain was just bearable, or retreat into a wheel chair when the pain was almost unsurmountable.

Cooper Hawkes put down the beer bottle and stared down at it. The bar on the base looked like any other armed forces bar in the universe. A mix of both cheerfulness and dreariness and that definitely didn't cheer him up. He was already into his third tequila and beer but he still felt disgustingly sober.

Damn that IV resilience to alcohol, he thought and shook his head. Jeez, what would I give for a simple, blown off, totally pissed brain.

He looked around, the few officers still present were either playing poker or foosball.

Just like on the 'Toga, Cooper thought and took another sip of beer. He stood up and made his way towards the door when a woman in her late thirties stepped into his path.

"You wanna buy a gal a drink?" she asked in a teasing voice.

Cooper stared down at her, then shook his head.

"You'd better ask some of the Natural Borns over there," he sneered. Over the years he had learned to use his IV-origin as a weapon. Too many men and women had belittled him and he had grown weary of the passes of women.

"Bloody tank!" the woman said and went over to the bar without giving Cooper a second look. The In-Vitro shrugged his shoulders and left the bar.

It was always the same. If it came down to where you had been born, NBs reacted as if you were carrying a fatal disease, Cooper thought.

Every woman was just as bad as the next.

No, that was not true. Not all ... that hooker from the Bacchus had been nice to me, but then again Nathan had paid her for that. And there was Megan ... He creased his brow and turned towards his quarters.

Megan, everything always came back to Megan! he thought. Sometimes, in his dreams, she had visited him. He had had visions of her, shortly after he had received the notification. He should have tried to trace her last known position, should have made sure whether she was dead or alive. After having watched his friends being taken as POW's on Kazbek that alternative should have crossed his mind as well ... But then with the events of the war as they were, there never seemed to be the appropriate time to think clearly let alone carry out such an operation. During Roundhammer the Wild Cards had been send into every hot zone on every goddamn Chig planet that hours became days, days became months. And after that his pain over the loss had dulled.

Hawkes sighed.

I should have searched for her after the war had ended. But that part of him that could hope had died a bitter death the moment he had read her death notification. The side of his character that experienced wonder and joy was obliterated, turning him into nothing more than a well-functioning automaton.

That was ... until today... today hidden thoughts, memories and desires awoke in him which he had thought slaughtered to death years ago ...

Next : Part 3 coming soon

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