Moments of Joy

Part Seven

They walked to his quarters together. When they reached the hatch, he paused and looked at her with a slight smile. Alex took a deep breath and slowly punched in the code. The door gave a tiny click and she opened it. As he followed her inside, Ty shut the door firmly behind him.

Alex turned to face him, a little uncertain now that she was actually here. The look in his eyes made her heart beat faster and a slow aching warmth started down below her belly. He walked over and reached out, his fingers lightly curling around her palm, his thumb slowly caressing the skin on the back of her hand. She blushed and looked down, curling her fingers around his so he'd know she wanted him to touch her.

Alex didn't know why she felt so shy. She didn't have a lot of experience, but she was no virgin, either. There was just something about him that made her go all trembly inside. She rolled her eyes and told herself she sounded like the heroine in a bad romance novel.

"What?" he asked gently.

She took a deep breath and looked up. "I was trying to figure out why I feel so... inexperienced when I'm around you."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Are you asking how much experience I've had?"

"No," she answered quickly. God no. She couldn't handle hearing that. At least, not right now. "I'm just... trying to understand why you make me feel this way."

His free hand came up and he gently traced the line of her cheek with his fingers, then cupped her face. "Does it matter?"

The aching warmth was beginning to spread through her entire body, now and she was beginning to wonder how long her knees were going to support her. So far, all he'd touched was her hand and her face and she was ready to fall over. She remembered the kiss he'd given her in Ross' quarters and her tongue crept out to moisten her lips.

Ty watched her tongue, then his eyes moved back up to meet hers. Slowly leaning forward, he gently brushed his lips over hers. His head moved back the other way, brushing his mouth against hers again. Her eyes closed and her lips parted. She could feel his mouth hovering near hers, his breath on her lips. His body shifted closer and she felt the warmth of him, not quite touching her. As her eyes began to open, his mouth came down on hers and he kissed her.

A tiny noise escaped her throat and she leaned into his kiss. The hand that was cupping her face moved and his arm circled her shoulders. His other hand went to her waist, pulling her gently against him. She put her arms around him and pressed closer, loving the feel of him. His body was solid and strong, all muscle and hard lines.

Thought stopped as his tongue moved against hers. The kiss, at first so gentle, became passionate and his mouth moved more firmly over hers, searching, exploring, demanding. She responded with a desire that surprised her. Her hands moved on his back, flattening and gliding over the strong muscles. His hand shifted on her waist, but instead of pulling her closer, his arm loosened and his fingertips played over her sensitive lower back. Even through the fabric of her shirt, the sensation made her gasp.

His mouth left hers and he began to explore her neck, tasting her earlobe and travelling down to her shoulder. He pulled back further and his hands grasped the fabric of her shirt. As his eyes met hers, he gently pulled the blouse free of her skirt and began to unbutton it, starting at the bottom. She shivered and put her hands on his shoulder, running her fingers and palms over the hard curves of this biceps, down to his forearms, then back up again.

When he reached the top button, he pushed the shirt back and slid his hands down, coming to rest solidly on the skin of her waist. His arms went around her again, his hands moving under her shirt on the bare skin of her back. Her head fell back as his mouth went to her neck and he resumed his slow exploration of her skin.

He straightened and she could feel his breath as he nuzzled her ear. His arms moved, but he kept his body pressed against hers as he pulled her arms from around his neck and slipped the blouse off her shoulders. The air made her shiver when it hit her bare skin. She wanted him to feel the same way, and started to reach for the zipper on his flight suit. Glancing down, she noticed the boots. Those were definitely going to be a problem.

He started to pull her close again, but she avoided his hands and led him over to the chair. His look was questioning, but he sat when she urged him down with her hands on his shoulders. Kneeling, she began to undo the laces on his boots. His sharp, indrawn breath surprised her and she looked up to see astonishment in his blue eyes.

It had been a long time since McQueen had taken the initiative in a sexual encounter. Most of the women he'd been with since his ex-wife were one night stands, women who had approached him in a manner that didn't offend him, but who still had only one thing on their minds. Some were more aggressive then others, but they all knew exactly what they wanted and he'd given it - to them and to himself.

Alex was different. She wanted him - not his body - him. And she was shy. Her comment about experience made him realize that she probably didn't have a lot, certainly not compared to the amount he'd gotten on Omicron Draconis in the mines. There wasn't much else to do for recreation in the mines and most In Vitros had an 'if it feels good do it' morality. McQueen had disciplined himself to a more structured set of ethics, but he was still influenced by those early years.

Being the aggressor with Alex was both novel and exciting. He went slowly, taking his time with each touch and caress. She was tense and he wanted her to relax completely. There was no hurry, no reason to rush. There was time for him to explore every nuance and curve of her until he unlocked all the secrets of her body.

He pushed the blouse off her shoulders and ran his hands down her arms. She shivered and looked into his eyes. Her gaze traveled down to the zipper of his flight suit and he smiled as her hand reached out. When she stopped, he decided that she must not be ready to undress him yet. He moved to put his arms around her again, but she pulled away, taking his hand and leading him to the chair. What she wanted wasn't clear, but he sat when she pressed down on his shoulders.

A sharp sound escaped him as she knelt and began to untie the laces of his boots. She looked up, surprised, then smiled at him.

"We aren't going to get very far unless we take these off," she said.

He sat back in the chair and let her finish unlacing and removing the first boot. Her native practicality had obviously kicked in, but he was overwhelmed by her action. A Natural Born woman was kneeling at his feet, removing his boots. He clenched his fists, not sure if he wanted to cry out in gratitude or pull her up off her knees.

The second boot came off and Alex placed a gentle hand over his clenched fist. "Ty? What's wrong?"

He stood up and pulled away from her, trying to control the surge of anger that ran through him. Why was he angry at her?

She came up behind him and put her hand on his arm, just as she had the first time she'd touched him. "Ty?" Her voice was more concerned now. "What's wrong?"

He looked down at her hand on his arm and forced himself to relax, to unclench his fists.

"What did I do, Ty?"

"I just... wasn't expecting you to do that."

"Do what?"

She glanced over at the chair, then back at him. Slowly, comprehension came into her eyes and she pressed her hand to his cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't think. Of course, it would be different for you."

Different for him. Everything was different for him. Different from what she knew, what she expected. He'd been through this before.

"Ty. Don't."

He looked at her and sighed. Five minutes ago, he was ready to make love to her. The simple act of her removing his boots had shaken him, though, reminded him of what he was, what she was. Covering her hand with his, he drew her around to face him. He took a deep breath and gently grasped her upper arms.

"You're not sending me away," she said before he could speak.

He looked at her, trying to marshal his arguments, explain why it wouldn't work, why he couldn't be with her.

"I won't go." She said it quietly, with no particular emphasis, but he knew she meant it. A little smile played about her lips. "Of course, you could always throw me out."

He gave her a startled look, then laughed as the image of him putting her bodily out into the corridor and throwing her shirt out after her came into his mind. It was totally ludicrous.

She put her arms went around his neck and pressed herself against him. "Where were we?" she murmured against his mouth.

His hands moved to her waist and he felt desire returning at the feel of her smooth skin. His fingers began to play across her back and she shivered again. He held himself back, not letting her kiss him.

"We still have to deal with this," he said.

"Yes, we do," she agreed. "But not right now."

Her head tilted up and he let his mouth come down on hers again, tasting her lips and teasing them until she opened to him. She made a little moan of pleasure, deep in her throat. He tilted his head and began to explore her mouth, making sure he hadn't missed anything earlier. His hands traced patterns on her skin.

She trembled and he slipped his hands beneath her bra, then unhooked the fastener and pushed it forward. He kept his mouth on hers as he pulled his body away and slid the bra off her shoulders. Her breath was uneven and he could feel her pulse pounding under his hands.

Tilting her head, she lowered her mouth to his neck, trying to find his skin around the turtleneck. He chuckled when she made a frustrated sound. Her hands went to the zipper of his flight suit and this time she unzipped it without hesitation until she reached his waist. He smiled to himself when she stopped there. Still shy.

As she started to push the suit off his shoulders, he brought his arms around to undo the buttons at the cuffs. She caught his hands and did it herself, sliding her fingers under the fabric to caress his wrists once the buttons were undone. She lowered her head and brought one of his hands up to her lips with both of hers. His desire grew as she grazed his knuckles with her lips and teeth. Her tongue traced a pattern on the back of his hand, then traveled to the inside to tickle his palm.

He reached for her with his other hand, but she put her arms between them and finished pushing his flight suit off his shoulders. Her fingers trailed down his chest to his waist, then grasped the fabric of the turtleneck and pulled upwards. He crossed his arms and pulled the shirt off in a single, fluid motion. A startled gasp escaped her when she saw his chest. He'd forgotten about the scars.

One of her hands crept out to hesitantly touch the most prominent. He held himself still and let her trace it with one finger. There were tears in her eyes again.

He sighed. Sometimes it seemed like all he did was make her cry.

Looking down, his eyes came to rest on her chest. There was a large bruise on one breast. His fist clenched as he realized where it had come from.

Alex's hand jerked back. "Did I hurt you?" she asked, looking at him apprehensively.

He shook his head and reached out to gently cup her bruised breast. Her hand flattened on his chest again.

"Yours are worse than mine," she said softly. "Mine will go away eventually." Her hand moved slowly over the pattern of damaged flesh. "Yours will always be here."

His thumb moved as he tried to smooth away the memory of another man's touch - a man who had deliberately marred her soft skin. His lips traveled back down her neck and he covered the bite on her shoulder with his own mouth, soothing the hurt away before he lifted her and carried her to the bed.

Cooper wasn't sure where Alex was. He'd looked in the Tavern and the mess hall, so he went and knocked on the door to her quarters. Lizzie opened the door with a sleepy expression.

"Lt. Hawkes," she said, brightening quickly. "Have you finally come to visit?"

"Actually, I was looking for Alex."

Lizzie laughed a throaty, wicked laugh. "You won't find her here. I'd bet on Colonel McQueen's quarters."

Cooper's eyebrows rose.

"I wouldn't tell anyone but one of the 58th. Colonel McQueen came looking for her about two hours ago. I saw them leave the mess hall together, and they didn't look like they were interested in company." She looked Cooper up and down. "I am, though."

Cooper returned Lizzie's measuring glance. Alex and Colonel McQueen had gotten together. Shane didn't seem to mind the idea of him and Lizzie getting together.

He smiled slowly. He didn't have a lot of experience yet, but he figured Lizzie would make up for whatever he lacked. Maybe she could teach him a thing or two.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked.

"Come in and I'll show you."

He grinned and stepped through the doorway, closing the hatch behind him.

Alex lay quietly, completely content, her head pillowed on Ty's strong chest. His arms were around her, holding her tightly to his body. Her eyes were closed and her arms held him equally tightly. She sighed and moved her hand over his chest, down to the flat expanse of his stomach. It was a little strange to run her fingers over the washboard muscles and find no bellybutton to dip her finger into. Strange, but erotic.

His hand left her shoulder and stilled the movement, flattening her palm on his belly. She tilted her head up and her eyes met his blue ones which were looking down at her.

"I guess you get that a lot," she said softly.

He nodded.

She smiled mischievously. "You can play with my bellybutton if you want to. I'd bet that's just as strange to you as yours is to me."

A slow grin spread across his face. "Tempting offer. Of course, I've seen them before."

His offhand comment produced a myriad of emotions in her. She was at once a little jealous, a little disappointed and a little hurt. She wasn't even sure if he was serious or if that was his idea of a playful comment. She still had a lot to learn about him.

She decided to try teasing and pretended to pout. "So many that they bore you?" she asked. He moved under her, turning in her arms so they were lying face to face. His hand caressed her check and her breath caught at the look in his eyes. "Nothing about you bores me."

A flush of pleasure ran through her. She knew he meant it; flattery wasn't his style.

She glanced down, trying to lighten the mood. "I'll bet you've seen a lot of belly buttons in your time."

He took her chin and tilted her head back up, meeting her eyes. "I've had a lot of experience, Alex. Things are different for Tanks."

"I know," she said. The mood definitely wasn't lightening up. He obviously wanted to deal with things she'd made him put aside earlier.

"No, you don't know. You're Natural Born, raised in a normal home. You don't know how different we are inside."

She cupped his face with her hand. "I know we're different, Ty. I don't know the specifics, but I also don't think they're really all that important."

His jaw tightened. "The specifics sneak up on you when you least expect them to."

She nodded. "Probably. I'll deal with that when the time comes. *We'll* deal with it."

His eyes searched hers, then looked away. "I've heard that before."

She turned his face back, making him meet her eyes again. "I know. I can't promise I'll never hurt you, Ty. I could promise I'll never leave you, but, as you say, you've heard that before. Even if I did make that promise, we both know that I have only minimal control over whether I can keep it. Things happen in life."

He nodded soberly.

She took a deep breath. "I can promise that I'll always be honest with you. I'll always tell you how I feel and what's bothering me. I'll *always* give you a chance to help me work through it, and I'll never leave without an explanation. Does that help?"

"Explanations aren't enough. Especially when they aren't the real reason."

She smiled. "See promise number one. The one about honesty."

He smiled in reply, but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked away. "Alex, there's something I haven't told you."

She swallowed, expecting the worst.

"I can't have children. Not by natural means."

She wanted to laugh. She kept silent until she could speak normally. "That's a relief."

He gave her a startled look.

She tried hard to control the smile that was threatening to spread over her face. "Given what we just did, I was a little worried. If I got pregnant right now, it would be extremely inconvenient for both of us and I didn't take any precautions at all. That's not like me, you know. We're going to have to talk about his effect you have on me some time." The smile was creeping out as she looked at him. His expression was still somber.

She sighed. "Seriously, Ty. I'm thirty-six years old. If I wanted to have children, I would already have them."

"So you don't want children?"

She met his eyes. "I would never have a child by myself. I decided that a long time ago. I always figured that if I met a man who wanted children, then I'd have children. If I met a man who didn't want children, I wouldn't have them."

She touched his face again and her heart gave a little sideways thump as she spoke softly. "If you want a baby, Ty, I'll give you one. If you don't, then I'll be more than satisfied with you in my life."

"Do you want me in your life?"

"I told you I wasn't interested in a one-night stand. You said you weren't either."

He studied her again. "Would you marry me?"

Her heart gave a definitive thud that time, but she spoke calmly. "Is that a proposal or a request for information?"

He frowned slightly. "I don't really know. You said you didn't want this to be a one-night stand. What *do* you want it to be?"

She took a deep breath. "I've only known you for five months, Ty. I never thought I get involved with someone like you."

"A Tank."

She gave him a disgusted look. "A man in the military. The idea of being married to a man that I'd only get to see for about a month out of each year and that not even consecutively..." She shrugged. "Let's say I've had more appealing offers."

His look softened. "I see your point."

She looked at him curiously. "Didn't that ever occur to you before?"

"Yes. I just thought the other was more important."

"Not to me."

He was silent for a moment. "So the answer is 'I don't know'?"

She thought about. She imagined the life she'd have with him. There would be a lot of pain, but a lot of joy, too. He'd always be off trying to get himself killed. She'd have to share him with every command he ever received. He was touchy and grouchy and often bad-tempered, not to mention stubborn and irritating as all get out.

She looked into his eyes. "Yes, Ty. I would marry you."

He didn't say anything, just looked at her. After a moment, she closed her eyes against the intensity of what she saw in his eyes. "Don't look at me like that too often, Ty." Her voice quivered. "Not until I get used to it."

She felt his lips on her eyelids, her forehead, her cheeks. "Let me know when you're used to it," he murmured before his lips came down on hers.

He began to kiss her, using his body to express what she wasn't ready to see in his eyes, letting her feel the things he didn't have the words to say, the things he needed to express somehow. She couldn't believe how much passion was in him, how much he had to give. It amazed her that another woman had given this up, that no one else had ever wanted him since. She couldn't believe that any woman could pass this by, then the reasons she'd thought of earlier came into her mind and she smiled against his mouth.

He made love to her until she couldn't breathe. She wanted to tell him how good he felt, but his hands kept stealing her ability to think. She tried to speak, but all she could articulate was his name.

As she slowly came back to herself, she took a deep breath. "I think I need to lie still for a little while," she told him.

He chuckled. Then he laughed. It was a wonderful sound, so full of pleasure and release. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and laughed with him as he stretched out beside her. He curled himself around her, still chuckling. She closed her eyes and pulled his arms tighter. He was pressed against her back again, his chin on her shoulder, his cheek resting on hers. She sighed in contentment.

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"There are still things we need to talk about."

"Ty."

"Yes."

"If you want to talk, we're going to have to go somewhere other than your bed."

He chuckled and kissed her shoulder. "I can arrange that."

"Not right now, though," she said, a little worried that he might expect her to get up and get dressed. She was fairly certain she wouldn't be able to move a muscle for several minutes at least. Maybe an hour. Or two.

"Not right now," he agreed in an amused voice. "Tomorrow."

"And nowhere near a bed," she said in a firm voice.

He laughed again and she reveled in the relaxed, comfortable joy she heard in the sound.

"Nowhere near a bed," he agreed.

Alex was getting a little tired of the smug grins on the faces of her friends and co-workers. It seemed like everyone knew that she and Ty had finally consummated their relationship, and they were all terribly amused. Ross and the 58th, especially Shane, acted like it was their own, personal triumph. It was really irritating.

She wondered whether Ty was getting the same treatment. Probably not. Alex couldn't imagine Shane directing that smug, knowing smile at Ty. Not unless she was looking forward to cleaning latrines for the next month.

Alex suppressed a yawn. The last time she'd yawned, the entire bridge crew had cracked up, giggling. She should have stayed in her office. Ty had enough sense to head for the hanger deck this morning, but then, he had a lot more experience dealing with this sort of insular society than she did.

She still hadn't figured out how everyone knew. Was it written on her face or something? She couldn't remember seeing anyone when she was walking to Ty's quarters last night. Of course, she had been a little distracted at the time, thinking about what was going to happen when she got there. She smiled to herself, remembering what had happened, then glanced around, hoping no one had seen the expression.

Martinez met her eyes and grinned broadly. Alex rolled her eyes. This was completely ridiculous.

"Commodore?"

Alex's back straightened as she heard Ty's voice behind her. She felt herself starting to blush. She was *not* going to look around.

"What can I do for you, Colonel?"

Ross' voice was relaxed and easy, but Alex could hear a hint of amusement in it.

"I'd like to discuss the backup for the 58th's next mission, Sir."

Alex lowered her head to the paperwork in front of her. She couldn't believe the response she was having just at hearing his voice. Granted, it was an exceptional voice, but still!

Martinez leaned close, pretending to look at the papers in front of Alex. "Need a cold shower?" she whispered.

Alex bit her lower lip, hard, to keep from laughing. She couldn't control the grin, though. She considered gathering up her papers and making a strategic retreat, but she'd have to walk past Ty to do it. Besides, she wasn't going to give them the satisfaction - or the entertainment - of seeing her run away.

She tried to ignore the sound of Ty's voice interspersed with Ross' baritone as she stared down at the paper in front of her and read the sentence for the third time. It made no sense, but she didn't know if that was because it was a government form or if it was just that her brain had switched off. After what seemed like an eternity, she heard Ty say 'Thank you, Sir.' Then his steps resounded through the bridge as he walked up the stairs and left.

She kept her head down. No snickers yet.

"Ms. Larson."

She looked up at Ross. He had a tiny smile on his face, but there was pity in his eyes.

"Would you mind looking over the personnel report for Admiral Paulson one more time? I'm still concerned about the productivity figures."

She considered leaping up and kissing him, but decided that would just start more rumors.

"Of course, Commodore." She tried to keep her voice steady. "Is it still in your office?"

He nodded with a wicked twinkle in his eyes.

"The productivity figures?"

He nodded again.

"I'll take care of that right away." She held her head high and marched past the grinning faces of the command staff, hoping they'd at least wait until she left the bridge before they started laughing at her again.

McQueen took a deep breath as he headed down the corridor away from the bridge. He hadn't expected Alex to be there; he'd assumed she'd be in her office. Her presence had been an almost palpable sensation on his skin as he spoke to the Commodore. He knew this was just the 'honeymoon' stage of a relationship, but it was still damned uncomfortable. He had work to do and he couldn't afford to be distracted every time she was in the room.

Thinking of distractions reminded him of how the Wild Cards had been at breakfast. Alex had left him early this morning to change clothes and then met him in the mess hall. They sat together at the table next to the 58th as they often did.

He wasn't sure how the 58th had known Alex stayed in his quarters last night until Pellowski wandered by the Wild Cards' table and thanked Hawkes for 'keeping her company'. Apparently, Cooper had made in impression since she invited him to meet her this evening for a drink.

All the Cards had been hiding smirks and giggles as they cast curious glances at himself and Alex. Vansen had been practically glowing. You'd think she was the one that had... He cut off that line of thought.

Alex rolled her eyes and ignored them. Eventually, McQueen had given them all a stern glance and they'd quieted down. That would have to stop. He couldn't function as their commander if he didn't have their respect. Not that their behavior was precisely disrespectful, but it could easily cross the line.

He glanced at his watch. 1227. He decided against having lunch with Alex; it would be too distracting. Instead, he decided to head for his office and work on some reports. He stopped and considered that. He wanted to talk to Alex and his office was probably the best place. If not his, then hers.

He went back the way he'd come and glanced in her office. She wasn't there, so she must still be on the bridge. He stepped onto the upper level of the bridge, but she wasn't there, either.

"Can I help you, Colonel?" Lt. Martinez had a broad grin on her face

"I'm looking for Ms. Larson."

He heard a snicker and his jaw tightened as he looked over at Ensign Abercrombie. Apparently his expression was sufficient, because she wiped a smile off her face and bent to her work. When he glanced back at Martinez, her grin was gone as well.

"Commodore Ross sent Ms. Larson to his office to check some reports, Sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

He turned on his heel and headed for Ross' office. Alex was sitting behind the desk, looking at some papers. His body began to respond just at the sight of her.

"Alex." He hadn't intended it, but his voice was soft and intimate.

She looked up at him and her lips parted invitingly. A soft blush spread across her cheeks and her eyes softened as a slow smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Ty, what are you doing here?"

"I thought we might have a talk during lunch. There's no bed in my office."

She blushed deeper and nodded.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Not particularly."

"Then let's go talk."

She closed a folder around the papers and left them on Ross' desk, then followed him to his office. He ushered her in and closed the door, then sat behind his desk. She looked at him through narrowed eyes, then looked at the chair in front of the desk. Her look hardened and she walked around the desk and pushed him so his chair rolled a little away from it. Then she put her hands on the desk behind her and hopped up to sit facing him.

"I'm not going to sit on the other side of your desk like an errant subordinate, Ty."

He smiled and took her hand. "Sorry."

"No problem. Just don't let it happen again."

She smiled at him and he wanted to reach up and kiss her, but he knew where that would lead. Instead he took a deep breath. "Alex, I told you I can't have children naturally. That's why my ex-wife divorced me."

"Didn't she know that when she married you?"

"Yes. It became more important as she came to understand what it meant to be with a Tank."

Alex's face hardened. "I should tell you up front that I'm not going to have a very good opinion of this woman."

He wasn't particularly surprised. Alex was protective of her friends. It made sense that she'd be angry at anyone that had hurt him.

"I can't really blame her for her decision," he said. "Understanding something intellectually and feeling it are two different things."

Alex's eyes softened. "I know that. I suppose if I'd gotten involved with you and everything was going fine and then someone like Hastings or Gurwitz came along..." She shrugged. "I'd like to think I wouldn't have turned away, but it certainly would have been an eye opener."

He nodded. "Things did go well in the beginning. We were living on base and there's less overt prejudice there."

Alex raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.

"Gurwitz and Hastings really are the exceptions," he said. "Tanks in the military still get a lot of verbal abuse, but physical abuse is punished sternly enough to discourage it for the most part."

Alex thought about that for a second. "They did go after me and not you."

"Hawkes gets harassed more often than I do. Rank does have some privileges - even for a Tank."

Alex looked at him. "I really don't like that word."

"I know. It's part of who I am, though, and part of what you'll experience if you're with me."

"I am with you."

He ducked his head to hide that look that she wasn't ready for. When he had it under control, he looked back up at her. "What do you want, Alex?"

"I don't know, Ty. I want to be with you. As long as we're both stationed aboard the Saratoga, that's not a problem. If one of us gets reassigned..." She shrugged again. "We can decide then unless you need resolution now."

He considered that. She was right when she'd said last night that they had only minimal control over what happened in life.

She spoke again, softly. "I'm yours for as long as you want me to be, Ty. I told you last night, if that changes, I won't leave without giving you the opportunity to change my mind. I guess I'm saying that I'm willing to give you a commitment if you want one."

He looked at her. She was offering him a promise. He knew her well enough to know that her promise would be as binding to her as a wedding vow would be. He couldn't really think of any reason for them to get married, other than the obvious financial benefits to her of being a military dependent. Alex wouldn't care about that, though.

If he wanted to take care of her, they didn't have to get married. She didn't even have to know about it. The military made exceptions to the next of kin rules for In Vitros. He could name anyone he wanted as his beneficiary. His ex-wife and Cooper were currently designated.

He realized he was thinking of her as though she'd always be with him. This was another road he'd been down before, but in this case, he knew it was true. His ex-wife was still part of him even though they weren't together anymore. Alex would be the same.

Marriage wasn't what he wanted from her. Not really. The promise she'd just made was as much as he needed right now. Maybe later he'd want something more formal. The question was, did she need something more formal?

"That's enough of a commitment for me - for now anyway," he said. "Unless you need more, we can work out the rest later."

She smiled mischievously. "Well, I'd like to be sure that I don't have to worry about you running off with the next lonely civilian who wanders onto the Saratoga."

He stood up and took her face between his hands, gazing deep into her eyes, not hiding the look this time. "Are you really worried about that?" he asked softly.

The smile slid off her face and that defenseless expression appeared instead. "No. Not really."

He smiled and gently kissed her. Her eyes drifted shut and she put her arms around him. He kissed her more firmly. As his arms went around her, his mouth left hers to travel down her neck.

"Ty?"

"Hm?"

"Maybe we need to make some rules about what we can do on your desk."

He started to chuckle, then he laughed and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go have some lunch," he said, still grinning.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" she asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

He laughed again and put his arm around her, leading her out of his office. "We don't have enough time for what I want to do."

"Really? Tell me more."

"Not in public," he said as they walked down the corridor.

"You're just no fun at all," she told him.

As he leaned forward to push the elevator button, he brushed past her ear. "Wait till tonight."

She shivered and he decided he had been right in the first place. Lunch with Alex was definitely going to be a distraction.

© 1998 Tere L. Matthews