The Saratoga September 3, 2064, 0800 hours

The battle hadn’t lasted long, but it had been intense and the Saratoga had sustained damage. They were going to have to find a place to hide while repairs were made. Commodore Ross paced the bridge and cursed himself for letting Jenny Kirkwood talk him into sending the 58th on what was most likely a futile rescue attempt. He had ended up doing something he had sworn he would never do again: leave soldiers behind!

“Com. Chang, the bridge is your’s. I’ll be on my wrist unit, if you need me,” he stalked off the bridge, leaving the impression that they had better the hell not need him, unless they were attacked again!

“Yes Sir,” Chang and the rest of the bridge crew breathed a sigh of relief. Ross was usually an easy man to work for, but when his feathers were ruffled, no one wanted to get in his way.

Ten minutes later Ross arrived in the alcove he knew was McQueen’s refuge. Up until his talk with Jenny yesterday, he didn’t think Ty had shared this place with anyone else. It hadn’t been anything she had said, more a feeling he had gotten. Pulling a rumpled envelope with McQueen’s handwriting on it out of his pocket, he sat on the ledge and watched the stars.

“I talked to your doctor this morning,” Ross muttered. The letter was a poor substitution for his friend, but it would have to do. “You’re in surgery right now. What am I going to tell you if you beat them back, or if God forbid, I don’t get them back for you? I guess I better see how bad it’s going to be.” The Commodore opened the envelope and pulled out the letter dated November 19, 2063.

Dear Glen,

When we talked, half an hour ago, you said that anyone who goes on this mission is dead, you may be right. If you are, then my place is with my squadron. I’ve lost one squad in this lifetime, and I don’t plan on outliving another.

You’ve been a good friend to me, in a time when it is hard to be friends with an in-vitro. I hate to think what that may have cost you over the years. I know that there have been times when I was careless with our friendship. Understand, that has been from lack of practice, not from lack of caring.

Jen Kirkwood was my doctor in detox three years ago, and she was with the Angry Angels for almost a year before the war. She means things to me.........I don’t have the ability to describe. When you and General Savage assigned her to the 58th I knew you expected me to protect her. That’s something I would have done anyway, because I know I can go out and do what ever needs to be done, as long as I know she is somewhere in this Universe, alive and well. I’ve known that for a long time.

If the worst happens and we don’t return, I have two favors to ask. The first is to take care of Jen. She’ll fight you on this, but I know you and I know her. You would be good for each other. You could take care of her and give her things that are beyond my understanding.

The second favor is in my quarters. I would like you to take her there and open up the picture frame that’s sitting on my desk. The wedding photo is nothing but camouflage. There is another picture hidden there. Tell her I put it there the night I showed her the alcove. Then, maybe she’ll be able to forgive me for not letting her come along with us.

Ty

“Damn,” Ross muttered as he reread the letter for the third time. He stood quickly wanting to see what was hidden behind the picture of Amy. “No,” he stopped and sat back down. “Ty means that for Jenny to see, not me.”

Jenny and McQueen who would have guessed? Ross thought, and could only shake his head at the irony of the situation. McQueen would give her to another man if it would keep her safe. She would put her life at risk, if it meant the safety of people he cared about. What a mess!

---

Planet 2063Y, September 3, 2064, 1200 hours

West had landed the ISSCV in a small clearing six hours earlier. Though they had all wanted to head out for the coordinates of the homing beacon, Jenny over-ruled them. None of them had slept since leaving the Saratoga, and with the lower gravity of the planet, footing would be dangerous enough without adding exhaustion to it.

“Jenny, wake up,” Hawkes spoke quietly to the woman who was murmuring in her sleep.

“Hmm,” she looked up at him with a sleepy smile.

“It’s almost time to get up,” Hawkes couldn’t meet her eyes. “You were a....mumbling in your sleep.”

“Sorry,” she sat up as she remembered where she was. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” She had been dreaming of sailing. The night sky was full of stars, she and Ty were together at the wheel as they maneuvered the Windswept into a cove, the Southern Cross above their heads.

“No, problem, I was on guard duty, so I was awake,” Hawkes turned away from her, afraid she would ask him more questions. He couldn’t tell her that she’d been talking to McQueen in her sleep.

“Any response from the radio signal we sent out?” West joined the group.

“Nope,” Hawkes shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense. We get the homing beacon, but no radio response. It’s as if the radio isn’t turned on.” No one was going to mention the other possibility.

“Maybe it was damaged in the landing,” Connelly added as he helped make up packs for the trip to the large body of water where the beacon was originating.

“Guys?” Jen looked over all that was laid out for the trip and saw only three M-590 assault weapons. “What’s the idea, don’t I get one?”

“Jen-ny,” Nathan stumbled over her name. “See that red cross on your helmet,” he pointed toward the rack of helmets. “That means you’re protected. Sidearm only!”

“All that red cross means to the Chigs is X-marks the spot.” She pulled a black baseball style cap out of her back pocket and placed it on her head. The only red on the cap was the tiny lightening bolt striking through the halo and between the Angel wings. “Now, are you going to give me an M-590 or not?” They had all seen the Angry Angel patch on her fatigues, when she had taken off her utility vest. So far no one had the nerve to ask about it and no one asked her about the cap, either.

“Do you know how to use one of these?” Nathan was beginning to realize that Ross hasn’t stood a chance against Kirkwood. She wanted this rescue to happen and it had. He’d never realize how stubborn she could be.

“Yes,” she smiled. She remembered lessons on the firing range that she hadn’t wanted, but McQueen had insisted she have, after that first trip on the Yorktown. He had seemed to think it was important that she be able to defend herself when the Angels were on missions. “I had an excellent teacher,” her fingers brushed against the knife in her utility vest.

An hour later they headed out. The ISSCV left well camouflaged. The lower gravity of the planet made supplies easier to carry, but footing precarious. It was going to be a long day and the strange nights on 2063Y were going to make it rougher. They had planned to hike until they ran out of light, then camp until ‘morning.’ West led the way, with Connelly bringing up the rear. The three Marines were worried about the Navy doctor, and kept a careful eye on her as they climbed. So far there had been no signs of enemy activity. No one knew if that was a good thing or not.

Seven hours later Nathan called a halt for the night. They hadn’t traveled as far as they would have liked, due to the two rain storms that had swept through the mountains making it impossible to go on until things cleared a bit.

As West and Connelly helped Jenny set up a rough camp, Hawkes checked out the parameter. They were wet, tired and hungry.

“Any chance of a fire, Nathan?” Jenny asked as she rung out her cap.

“I don’t think we’d better chance it,” he looked around. “Even if we could find something dry enough to burn.”

“Good point,” Jen grinned.

“Connelly,” Coop called to the others. “You’re the resident computer expert aren’t you? Come check this out.”

“What did you find?” Mitch Connelly came to a halt as he saw Hawkes leaning over the body of a Faliciti OH model, Artificial Intelligence being. “Shit! I hate those things, they give computers a bad name!”

“Is it some kind of trap?” Coop didn’t trust AIs, even one that appeared to be dead. “Nathan, Jenny, you better come over here and bring a flashlight.”

“I think we’re safe moving it back to camp,” Mitch had checked the AI carefully for trip wires and found none. “I’d like to try and figure out what happened here. Though, without a diagnostic I won’t know for sure.”

“How come you know so much about these things,” Jen wondered. As the others ate, Mitch pulled out a set of micro tools and began opening Faliciti’s CPU. He was more interested in the inner workings of the AI than food.

“My law practice was Intellectual Properties,” Mitch carefully removed the plating from the unit’s head. “We still get the occasional copyright dispute, but it’s mainly internet and computer law, now days. Anyone who doesn’t know the workings of computers, both software and hardware, is going to end up hurting in my business.”

“You can make money doing that?” Nathan had applied to law school and would have gone if he and Kylen hadn’t been accepted for the Tellus project.

“Sure can,” Mitch smiled at him. “They’ve been trying to regulate the internet for over 70 years. It’s what keeps me in business. Governments trying to legislate peoples thoughts, it’ll never happen,” he shook his head as he shined the flashlight on the heart and soul of an AI.

“What did ya find,” Hawkes looked over his shoulder. He remembered McQueen taking one of those things apart on Kazbek. It had held the answers to their problems then, he wondered if luck was still with them.

“Will you look at that?” Mitch held up a small crystal that was dull and murky looking. “No wonder she’s dead in the water,” he shook his head. “That’s her power cell. The indicator says it’s drained, but what’s that stuff in there? I don’t understand how this can happen. I’ve read that these units have safeties built in that shut them down before their cells can be exhausted.”

Hawkes and West looked at each other across the body of the AI, both remembering a story Paul had told them about another Faliciti model with a drained power cell. It had been months ago and a number of sectors away.

“Mitch?” Jenny looked over his shoulder. “I had thought those cells were clear? Do they usually look like that when they’re drained.”

“Can’t tell for sure Lady-Doc,” he shrugged. “I’ve never seen one like this before. I’ve never heard of it happening, either. Logic says it would be empty. This almost looks like it had power, but something is wrong with it. For some reason the unit couldn’t process it.”

“We’ve heard of it happening before,” West answered for both Marines. “It was on the planet Minerva, in the spring. We ran into an ElroyL that was searching for a power cell for another Faliciti. They both appeared to be suffering from a computer virus of some kind.”

“What kind of virus?” Mitch was fascinated.

“I got this story second hand, from Paul,” Nathan hated to remember the damage Paul had suffered from the AI’s on two occasions. “He told us that the two AI’s were sick. Some kind of virus that made them feel *emotions*. The Elroy said it loved the Faliciti. When she died, the Elroy attacked us and Paul killed him in the battle.”

“’Love’, are you sure Paul wasn’t pulling your leg?” Mitch knew Paul had had a great sense of humor.

“Nope, no way,” Hawkes shook his head. “Paul wouldn’t kid about an Elroy model!”

“I’m going to try and pull her memory chip,” Mitch reached for his micro tools and went back to work. “With any luck she hasn’t downloaded recently and there’ll be stored files intact here. I can’t check them until we get back to the Saratoga, but this could be a real break for our side.”

That night Jenny was too exhausted to dream. She was thankful for the grueling physical exercise that day. It keep her mind off a twelve hour surgery that had taken place on the Clara Barton. If things had gone well, Ty should be in the Post Anesthesia Care Unit by now, she thought as she looked at her watch before drifting off to sleep. 2350, her watch had said, yes that should be about right.

---

September 4, 1120 hours

“Nathan, the homing beacon is getting stronger,” Connelly whispered as he and West crouched in some bushes at the base of the trail. A wide expanse of beach in front of them. The lake so large, that even with binoculars they couldn’t see the other side.

West gave the hand signals for Hawkes and Jenny to come the last few feet down the trail, to join them in the bushes.

“We go east,” Connelly pointed to the right. “According to this range finder, the signal is about two klicks in that direction.”

“I don’t like it,” Hawkes muttered. “It’s all out in the open.”

“We’ll stick close to the cliffs, lets move out,” West headed out. “Everyone keep down and quiet.”

Thirty minutes later they discovered the concealed cockpit. There was no sign of either woman. Just the cockpit, with the homing beacon, hidden in bushes. On close inspection, they saw that the radio was missing.

“Hold it right there Scum Bags,” the tired voice of Shane Vansen caught them by surprise. “Nathan, Coop, Jenny?” Then Shane did something that surprised them more than if she had shot them, she burst into tears.

---

The Clara Barton September 4, 2064, 1200 hours

They had made him wake up that morning at 0700. McQueen had hurt all over, but the pain was much less then he had expected. He was still weak, but they were pushing him to get his strength back.

That damn Respiratory Therapist had been in again, as well. Lt. Charles was her name. McQueen thought she could give lessons to the AI’s when it came to torture. He had to give her credit though, even if she was making him choke his lungs out, he always felt better after a ‘treatment session,’ as she called it. As a reward for his cooperation that morning, Lt. Charles, or Chuck as John Stark called her, taught him the technique of covering his trach tube with his finger and pushing air, to his larynx, with his diaphragm. It enabled him to speak in a whisper.

It had been mid-morning when he found the note pad. He recognized his handwriting, but had no memory of writing anything during the night. The words didn’t make any sense: ‘Musashi, 5 Rings, warrior, genuine path, new again, Winslow, can become, 16 yrs.’, then at the bottom, separate from all the rest, ‘Butts’. Something was gnawing at his memory. He knew it was important, but the harder he tried to remember the more illusive it became.

“Colonel McQueen,” there was a knock on his door then General Savage walked into the room.

McQueen did a double take as the man walked over to his bed. “Are you a dream?” McQueen asked with difficulty, as he used Lt. Charles’ method for speech.

“I like to believe Pats thinks so,” he grinned at the Colonel. “But other then that, I’ve never been called anyone’s dream.”

“What are you doing here?” The effort those few words cost McQueen made him realize how much work there was ahead of him.

The General checked the door, then pulled up a chair next to the bed. “Ross notified me,” he looked grim. “There are some things we need to talk about. Since this,” Savage raised his left arm, showing McQueen the gloved hand of his prosthesis. “They’re using me as a goodwill ambassador to the troops. I took the assignment because it allows me to travel where I need to go. Your doctor tell’s me they were able to do much better for you.” He pointed to McQueen’s right foot. “I have messages for Ross that are too sensitive to go any way but with someone I trust. That’s you. We need to get you up and moving. I’d do it myself, but coming here was stretching my cover as far as I dare. If I went to the Saratoga, the game would be up.”

“What’s happened?” McQueen whispered, “what about my people?”

“Let me do the talking, McQueen,” Savage smiled. “I need you back on the Saratoga, so starting tomorrow morning, they’re stepping up your rehab program, save your strength and your throat, you’re going to need them.

“I believe you’ve already been told that Lt. Paul Wang died in action while providing cover for the Homeward Bound Mission allowing it to escape. General George Robertson is pushing to have him awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, post humously.”

As Savage told him about Wang, McQueen could see himself talking to Paul as they had stood in the ISSCV and the Corpsmen had tried to force life back into the Colonel. McQueen’s eyes strayed to the note pad in his hand. There was no mention of the out-of-body experience he had had. Did he dream it, or had it been real? He knew he wasn’t going to forget what Paul had said. Dream or reality, it didn’t matter. Somehow Paul had found a way to get through to him.

“Ross tells me that there’s a team on 2063Y, as we speak. If they’ll find Vansen and Damphousse, I don’t know, but they’re trying.” Savage was careful not to give any details of the mission. If what Pats had told him held any truth, McQueen would go ballistic if he knew Jenny was there. He doubted it would help the man’s frame of mind to hear that West and Hawkes were along, as well.

“There’s more, much more,” Savage sighed. He hated to rush McQueen’s rehab, but he was needed to help Ross. “The bomb that injured you and killed the others in that meeting was a time bomb, intended to take out the Saratoga,”

“No,” McQueen whispered. “You’ve got to get Jen out of there!”

“Let me do the talking, and that’s an order. Weakness from loss of blood and the damage to your throat are going to hold you back more than the new leg. So you don’t talk. You listen!” The General out maneuvered McQueen for the moment. He wasn’t about to answer any questions about Jenny or the rescue team.

“As far as we can figure the bomb was set by Major Craig Rabwin. He was the last one to be in the room before the conference and the computer that housed the bomb, belonged to him. Unfortunately, there is no way for us to question Rabwin. Whoever had him set the bomb on the Saratoga, also set one on the Nebraska. We think the second bomb was probably placed in Rabwin’s gear, but since the Nebraska was destroyed, we have no way of checking for sure. I doubt he know he was carrying it, given how fast he high tailed it off the Saratoga.”

Savage talked and McQueen listened for the better part of an hour. The General filling him in on all that was going on. The best news was regarding the search for information on in-vitro DNA that Jack Longley was conduction for the General. The young doctor had been able to convince Dr. Abaan to come out of retirement and help him with the project. Having the man who invented artificial gestation working with them was going to be a big help.

The General could tell McQueen was tiring, but he had a few more things to say. “These are for you,” he handed McQueen two envelopes. “One’s from Pats and one’s from Lars Morgans. They wanted me to give them to you. Here is another one for Jenny.”

As the General handed over the letters, McQueen reached for the older man’s right hand. Where before he had worn no rings, Savage was wearing a plane gold band.

“Busted!” Savage laughed. “I wondered how long it was going to take you to notice.”

“Patsy?” McQueen mouthed. “Why? How?”

“Of course Pats,” the tender look that filled Savage’s eyes surprised McQueen. “Why? Because I love her, it’s that simple, my boy. I love her! How? I outflanked her, I out maneuvered her. The moment I realized how much I loved her and that she loved me back, I plotted a campaign that would make D-Day look like a stroll on the beach. She didn’t stand a chance. That’s one of the perks of being a General. I hope Jenny will forgive me for not waiting until she got home, but I wasn’t taking any chances of letting Pats get away.”

After Savage left, McQueen kept thinking about what Savage had said about Patsy. He looked at the writing pad again, trying to jog his memory. Winslow? Did it have something to do with her? Adding a few notations next to her name on the pad, he let it slide from his fingers. His eyes closed, his right hand moved to his dog tags and the warm gold that was resting on his chest, under his hospital gown.

---

The Shade Replied:

“Colonel McQueen?” Lt. Shane Vansen’s voice broke into his thoughts. “Am I doing the right thing?”

McQueen looked around. He was on the Landing Bay of the Saratoga. All around them pilots and flight crew were frozen in action. Only he and Shane were able to move.

“You mean, if you’re doing it just for him?....” He started to repeat what he had once told her, back when she still wore lieutenant's bars.

“Yes?” Her brown eyes begged him for an answer.

“There has to be something beyond this war,” he listened to the words he had told her months ago, not knowing where they had come from at the time.

“Does there?” She questioned, “do you really believe that, Sir?”

That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. McQueen shook his head, confused. “I....hope there is Shane,” he answered honestly.

“What’s there for you, Colonel?” Shane pulled herself out of the cockpit and sat on the side of her Hammerhead.

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” he put his hands low on his hips as he stood over her.

“You’re wrong,” Shane held out her hand to the older man. “Come with me.”

As Shane’s hand touched his, they were taken to a different time and a different place. McQueen looked around and knew exactly where he was. They were standing in front of ‘Dooley’s’ a cafe-bar, that was frequented by students that went to Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.

“Hrumph,” the Colonel grunted at Shane, as they entered the cafe. “What are you, The Ghost of Christmas Past?” McQueen remembered the time he had spent here. He had been staying in Ross’ cabin in the Susquehanna River valley of the Poconoes, after his first session with detox, years ago. This was the place where he’d met Amy. She’d been a senior at the University.

“No, Sir,” Shane looked up at him, then across the room at the younger McQueen who was sitting at a table with a very pretty blond. “I didn’t bring us here, you did.”

“Me?” He looked around the cafe-bar, it was just as he remembered it. “Why would I want to go back to this time in my life?”

“I don’t know.” Shane was fascinated to see the younger McQueen. “I think it has something to do with what you said before. About, ‘there has to be something beyond this war.’”

“I couldn’t have been talking about Amy!” McQueen knew with a certainty that his future didn’t have anything to do with her. “Maybe it was something I said to Winslow?” He fought to remember exactly what he had said to her about his life with Amy.

Shane and McQueen stepped closer to the couple sitting at a corner table. They could just hear the hushed words as the young people made plans for the future. Amy was looking into the young in-vitro’s eyes as if he held the secret to the universe.

“It’s hard to resist someone who looks at you like that,” Shane spoke to the man standing beside her. “I know, John Oakes used to look at me in the same way.”

“I didn’t resist,” McQueen shook his head. Looking at his younger self through older eyes, he saw a lot that he had missed back then. “And I never really listened to the words she was saying. If I had, I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. I was seeing and hearing what I wanted to, not what was really there.”

“When John died,” Shane remembered a conversation that had helped her. “Jenny told me many things, but I think the thing that she said that helped the most, was when she asked me, ‘if I was mourning the loss of a boy who had been a sweetheart, or a man who had the potential to be a life time partner?’”

“How did you answer her?” He smiled tenderly thinking how smart Jen was in the ways of life.

“I couldn’t that night,” Shane sighed. “But I thought about it for a long time. When an answer finally came, it was that we had only been sweethearts. What John and I had, wasn’t enough to build a life on. If we had married, it would have ended in disaster.”

“Disaster,” McQueen shook his head as he thought of his own marriage. “You mean like my marriage became? I already know all about that!”

“Do you, TC?” Amy asked, as she walked in the door, looking exactly as she had the last time McQueen had seen her. “Sorry I’m late,” her smile was as lovely as ever.

“You knew she was coming!” McQueen accused. Amy’s constant tardiness had been a source of irritation long ago, and it wasn’t any easier to take now.

“I didn’t know who was going to show up,” Shane shrugged. “It’s your dream, Sir.”

“TC, don’t be angry. I want to make things right,” Amy turned serious as she faced her ex-husband. “I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you.”

“You’re sorry?” He wondered if the simple words were expected to wipe out all that had happened between them.

“Yes,” Amy stood up to him, something she had never done in the past. “I’m apologizing for the way the divorce happened, not the divorce, TC. We never should have married, that was our mistake. Getting divorced was setting it right, but I was too young to admit that, so I placed the blame on you, that’s what I’m sorry for.”

“I couldn’t change who I was,” he sighed. “I am an in-vitro and you’re not.”

“That was never a problem for me,” Amy smiled. “The man I thought I loved, is over there,” she pointed to the young McQueen sitting with the younger version of herself. “The one who danced with me in the moonlight beside the Susquehanna River. It was the Warrior in you I never understood. Unfortunately, he’s the biggest part of you. You’ll always be a Warrior, no matter what you do in life.”

“That seems to be a common theme recently,” McQueen shook his head. “There’s more to life than moonlight and dancing, you know.”

“I know that, I knew it then,” Amy could see this was going to end up in one of their arguments if they weren’t careful. “You have to remember there is more to life than fighting.”

“There’s more to being a Warrior than fighting,” McQueen wasn’t sure where that idea had come from. Turning he watched the two happy people at the table, as he thought about the past. “Were we ever that young?”

“We were younger,” Amy giggled. “Too bad we can’t whisper some knowledge into their ears. Save them a lot of pain to come.”

“Thank you, Amy,” he smiled down at the woman by his side. “For what you said now and for setting me free years ago. I was miserable, but all I could remember was this.” He pointed to how happy they had been once. “It kept me from doing what needed to be done. Look at us, we were so in love with the idea of being in love we never stopped to question if we loved each other.”

“You’ve learned a lot,” Amy nodded in approval. “If you’ve learned that, why haven’t you let anyone into your life? There’s got to be someone out there who understands the Warrior in you?” Her words were left hanging in the air as she disappeared, leaving him standing with Shane, watching the younger version of Amy and himself.

“Damn!” McQueen looked around at empty space. His frustration with Amy returning. When they had tried to talk things out in the past, she would leave the room if things got sticky. This time she’d had her say, then evaporated! “I have learned Shane. The 58th is my life, they’re family to me,” he turned toward the Marine who was once again a captain. “You must know that.”

“That’s an easy love, Sir,” Shane challenged, then repeated his words from the hanger deck. “’There has to be something beyond this war’. What will you have, Colonel? Who will you have?”

“Easy love?” McQueen gasped. “You’ve got to be kidding. Loving you guys is like having my heart torn out each time I send you on a mission, without me.”

“Feeling a bit like Prometheus?” Shane looked at him as if they shared a secret.

“Jen said that,” McQueen accused. “How did you know?”

“Yes, Jen,” Vansen’s eyes danced as she watched the Colonel squirm. “I think you need to ask yourself then answer, ‘what’s the real reason you wouldn’t let her go on that mission to Kazbek?’”

Shane disappeared, the yeasty beer smell of Dooley’s was replaced by the smell of hospital, and McQueen was back were he belonged. But this time the dream stayed with him. As his eyes opened and he looked around his room on the Clara, he knew he had been dreaming and it was important.

---

The Clara Barton September 4, 2064- 1725 hours

“Here you go Colonel McQueen,” Stark brought him his dinner.

“I’m supposed to eat this stuff?” McQueen whispered. It frustrated him, that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get enough air to move over his vocal cords to produce a normal voice. “It’s just liquids...and...jello?” He looked with disgust at the first food he’d seen since lunch with Jen on the Saratoga, forever ago.

“I know it’s hospital food and only clear liquids, but Lt. Charles has given her okay to start reintroducing foods. She’s being very careful regarding your throat. I’ve seen the schedule the General and Dr. Turek have planned for you. My advice is to eat.”

“I don’t suppose you could be persuaded to bring me some real food?” McQueen pinned the Corpsman with a steely look.

“No, Sir, but good try,” John laughed. “The General wants you up, on your feet and out of here as soon as possible. What he says goes! I’ll tell you what. You eat all of that, with no problems, and keep it down. Then I’ll see you get some coffee. But don’t push it. If you start choking or can’t swallow, they’re going to put down a feeding tube, so take it slow and easy.”

“I’d like to see them try,” McQueen challenged, it was hard sounding tough when he could only whisper.

“You are feeling better tonight, Sir,” Stark grinned. He would lay odds on the Colonel anytime, even if he lacked the voice to back himself up.

“Coffee, huh,” McQueen whispered, knowing he needed to keep focused. Savage said he was needed on the Saratoga and he wanted to get back there for reasons of his own. “I guess that’ll have to do. Where you with the General long?”

“Yes, Sir,” the Corpsman sat with his patient watching him ate. “I was with the 918th Air Wing for almost a year before Kordis.”

“Tell me about it,” McQueen looked up, needing to know what Jen had been through.

“I was working in sickbay the day Dr. Kirkwood arrived,” Stark knew what McQueen really wanted to hear and he figured it was about time. “I couldn’t believe they’d sent her to that God forsaken planet. She looked too tiny to do the things that needed to be done and whenever you got real close to her you smelled....”

“Roses,” McQueen whispered. Stark didn’t think the older man realized he’d spoken.

“Roses.” John cleared his throat and went on, “you could tell from the beginning that Savage wasn’t going to give her a chance. Politics,” he shrugged apologetically. “Things sure did changed for the General, in the last months.” It was hard for John to believe that Savage’s anti-in-vitro stance had taken a complete about-face, but it was obvious that it had.

“Kordis..” McQueen mouthed as a reminder.

“Kordis,” Stark repeated, thinking back to the early days of the war. “We were deep cover Recon. It was your usual muddy, windy, combat hell. Not enough of anything except dirt, death, and fear and everyone living on coffee to keep going. We didn’t have the thunder storms at the air strip that we had in the area where we crashed, but it would rain something fierce, and it could get bone chilling cold. The Lady-Doc went on about her business as if she was at a base hospital on Earth. Nothing seemed to touch her. She was all doctor. She would treat the men she could. The ones she couldn’t......well.....she’d make sure they didn’t die alone.”

“When she first got there, some of the guys tried to make a pass at her. She was the only woman there who wouldn’t try to wrap your balls around your neck if you smiled at her.” Stark shrugged thinking about how tough some of the female pilots and ground crew could be. “It didn’t take them long to realize that she wasn’t interested.” He searched for the right words. “But it was more than not being interested, it was like that part of her wasn’t there, anymore. I caught a glimpse of the woman she kept hidden away, about a week after she arrived. We were all supposed to be undercover. There was a huge firefight going on in the night sky. It was thousands of miles away, but we could see it. I found her huddled in the door to Sickbay. Her eyes glued to what was going on above us. She was..well..she was holding on tightly to her dog tags.” Both men knew that Stark was talking about her bracelet not her tags. “The expression on her face was one I’ll never forget. When she realized I was there, she pulled herself back, changing from woman to doctor before my eyes. That’s the night she became The Lady, to me.

“It wasn’t until we were trapped in the cave that I realized the significance of what I’d seen that night. Lady-Doc wasn’t seeing the fight that had been going on above her. She was seeing another fight, back at the beginning of the war. The one that killed The Major.”

“The Major?” McQueen was caught off guard, wanting to hear what Stark had to say, but dreading it as well.

“Yeah, The Major,” Stark shook his head. “The Lady began telling us stories to keep us occupied during the long days and nights in that cave. Most of them were about one of those specialized flying groups. You know the ones, that can out-fly anything. Unfortunately, they couldn’t out-fly the Chigs, because they all died.”

“What makes you think Jen was thinking about them?” McQueen couldn’t have spoken above a whisper, if his life had depended on it.

“I think she was thinking about him, not them,” Stark looked the older man in the eyes. He figured this man needed to know the truth. He didn’t know what there was between McQueen and Kirkwood, but there was something. The Colonel was wearing the proof attached to his dog tags. “When things were real bad for us, she’d grip that bracelet and look upward, sometimes I’d see her lips moving. It was like she was talking to him. I know she heard him talking to her, especially in her dreams.”

“Her dreams?” The hairs on the back of McQueen’s neck stood up, as all of his dreams came rushing back.

“I don’t know who that Major of her’s was, but he saved my life, indirectly.” As Stark talked, an idea began to form. Hadn’t McQueen been with the Angry Angels? Hadn’t they been killed in one of the first engagements of the war? What if? No, it couldn’t be? The Corpsman shook his head and went on with his story. Though, he planned to do a bit of research when he went off duty that night.

“Without him, I think, The Lady would have crumpled before rescue arrived, and we would have died. I still don’t know how she made it. She hardly slept, or ate, just took care of us. The few times I could get her to sleep, she’d dream. I could always tell if it had been a nightmare or a dream by the look in her eyes when she woke up. Toward the end, there were nothing but nightmares, and she gave up sleeping except when her body gave out.” A clear memory came back to Stark. He had awakened Dr. Kirkwood from a nightmare and she had called him a name...someone elses name, he wished he could remember. At the time he had known she was dreaming and didn’t pay much attention. “I’d try to get her to sleep more, but she’d tell me ‘there’ll be plenty of time to rest when I’m dead.’ Then go on doing what ever she was doing. Do you know what the real kicker is? I don’t think she knew.”

“Knew what?”

“I don’t think she knew that she stopped living the night the Major died,” Stark shook his head. “So there was no reason she couldn’t have gotten all the rest she needed.”

“Why did you tell me this?” McQueen whispered, feeling as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

“Because you asked.”

“I only asked to hear about Kordis,” McQueen argued.

“Did you?” Stark reached for the Colonel’s empty tray. “I’ll check you in an hour, and if you still want that coffee, I’ll get it for you.”

McQueen had heard enough about the stories that Jen had told to know he was probably The Major. Stark was reading his own ideas into what she had said and done. McQueen was sure the Corpsman was wrong. Jen was mourning the loss of the Angry Angels all right, but it had nothing to do with him. Sure, he and Jen had been friends back then, but there was no way he was as important to her as Stark had said, even when she had thought he had died.

The Colonel was nothing if not a realist. He’d known Jen for a long time and he knew how she felt about him. Their friendship had grown over the years, but as far as Jen was concerned, that was all it was. He’d been having problems recently because he discovered the transient desire he had felt for her over the years had become anything but transient! What she felt for him, had nothing to do with fire and need. She had proved that the night in his quarters when she discovered the problems with the in-vitro DNA, and then again a few weeks ago.

What he had seen in her eyes both those night, and mistaken for passion, was nothing but loneliness and fear. The kiss? He smiled at the memory. Yes, Jen, I kissed you, but you kissed me back. Part of him wondered what would have happened if they’d been anywhere else but in the Wildcards’ quarters. That same part of him was thankful that it had ended where it had started. Jen meant too much to him to lose her over a...a....what? Whenever he tried to think past that point, his mind shied away. What was there about it that he couldn’t look at? What was it about that kiss, that kept him from asking himself, then answering, ‘why not?’

His mind was moving too fast, filled with thoughts of Jen. Jen as Stark had described her, a woman looking to something with no substance for support. Jen as they had laughed together over the years. Jen being kissed and kissing him, weeks ago. Yes, that was his favorite memory. He smiled to himself as his eyes grew heavy and he reached for her bracelet to guide him in his sleep. His last waking thought being that she never had explained why she wore the gold rope he had given her.

---

“If You Seek For Eldorado!”

McQueen looked back over his right shoulder, enjoying the view of Catalina and saw that the Windswept’s slip was empty. He had come to see Jen, but she must be out. He kept on climbing, pleased how well the new leg worked. He couldn’t tell any difference from his own, except when he saw the small scars from the skin graft that covered the anastomosis site. He knew that there were rods made of compressed bone in his tibia and fibula that attached the prosthesis to his leg, but he couldn’t feel them. Dr. Kelly had explained more than once how his own, and banked muscles had been attached to the rods and his regenerated nerves were what moved the muscles, making the prosthesis a natural extension of him.

It seemed like a miracle. He lost his foot and half of his lower leg, but it had all been replaced. Even the stem cell injections he had required while his nerves were regenerating were no longer necessary. Jen had taken care of that. Now, he needed to see Jen.

As he came to the top of the cliff, he saw the house were Jen had grown up. It looked strangely quiet and empty.

“Jen,” he called out. “Jen, where are you?”

The only sound that came back to him was the whistling of the wind. Walking up to the house he peered through grime covered windows. All the furniture was covered with dust covers and the doors were locked up tight. Patsy’s carefully tended rose garden was overgrown with weeds.

“Where is everyone?” McQueen called out.

“There’s no one here, Ty,” Patsy’s voice called from a long way off.

“Where did they go?” McQueen looked around trying to find where the voice was coming from.

“I’m with Frank, but that’s not what you really want to know. It’s Jenny you’re looking for. She told you what she was going to do when the war was over. Don’t you remember?” The voice chided. “She set sail weeks ago.”

“But the war isn’t over,” he argued.

“That all depends on which reality you’re in,” the voice whispered with the wind.

“Where are you? Why can you see me and I can’t see you?”

“Do you want to see me?” Patsy’s voice was close to his ear.

“Yes, I’ve got to find Jen,” McQueen called out.

“Why?” Patsy appeared before him, on the porch of the old house. “Why do you need to find Jenny?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, as the older woman moved to the porch swing and sat down.

“That’s something you’re going to have to figure out,” she grinned at him. “You’ve got some hard choices in front of you, Ty. If you don’t want to end up talking to me alone on this porch after the war is over, you’re going to need to do something about it, and soon.”

“This is another dream, isn’t it?” McQueen looked around him. The sun light was very bright off the Pacific, making it sparkle. Every color he saw was bright and fresh. “Why am I having all these dreams?” He shook his head as if to clear it.

“I can only guess,” the woman looked him in the eyes. “But I think it’s because you’re a man who deals best with that which is real. What he can feel, touch and smell. Ideas don’t fall into any of those categories. When our ideas begin to change, especially those of who we are, we need an alternate reality to be able to look and study them freely. If we don’t have that, our mind rejects, or buries them.”

“Colonel?” McQueen looked up at the sound of Cooper Hawkes’ voice.

“Coop, I’m so glad you could make it,” Patsy smiled, as Hawkes climbed the steps of the porch.

“Patsy!” The young in-vitro gave her a hug then moved over to shake McQueen’s hand, “boy, am I glad to see you, Sir.”

“What are you doing here?” The Colonel was relieved to see him. “How are the others?”

“Don’t worry about them,” Hawkes grinned. “We’re taking care of it right now. I’m here because Patsy said that you needed me. She said it was in-vitro business.”

“Coop, I need you to remind the Colonel of the conversation you two were having, ‘about the war being over’,” Patsy cued him up. “What did you say Coop?”

“I said that if it was over, ‘my sentence would be up, I could go home.’”

McQueen grunted, not liking the direction the conversation was taking. “Then I asked him, ‘to what?’ I still ask that.”

“Coop, what have you learned about home in the last year?” Patsy asked as she watched McQueen squirm.

“I’ve learned that I didn’t have one until I became part of the 58th,” Hawkes smiled. “That it doesn’t matter where I am, as long as I’m with the people I care about. That’s what makes a place a home, not a building or land or possessions of any kind.”

“’Home is where the heart is,’” McQueen muttered. “Jen said that, one of the last times we talked.”

“She did?” Patsy smiled. “I didn’t think she understood. I thought she had ‘closed her door too well’.”

“Her door too well?” McQueen looked at Patsy. “Is that what you meant in that letter?”

“You’re getting the idea,” Patsy smiled in approval. “But I suggest you look up the passage in Te-Tao Ching and while you’re at it, look up the importance of ‘that which has no substance’.”

“Why wouldn’t Jenny understand?” Hawkes asked. “She loves you a lot,” he looked at Patsy. “You’re where her home is.”

“No,” McQueen interrupted. “She told me she couldn’t come back here. Catalina wasn’t her home anymore. What did she mean?”

“I can’t give you the answer to that, only you can figure that out,” Patsy looked straight at him. “Ty, she is a natural-born who was raised by an in-vitro. I’m afraid that she grew up with many of the emotional handicaps that we have. I’m sorry, I didn’t have the skills to teach her otherwise. Sure, she and I learned about love. The kind of love that a mother has for a child or that two sisters have for each other, but I could never teach her about the love of a man for a woman. The only pattern she had for that was her father. What he taught her was that if a man and a woman loved, the end results would be pain. Then he added to that, by making her feel that no man could ever love her. To be fair to Professor Kirkwood, I think he did that in an attempt to keep her from feeling what he felt when Emma died. I wish I’d met Frank when I was younger. It would have made all the difference in the world, and saved Jen so much hurt.”

“What does that have to do with her not going back to Catalina?” McQueen looked around, sometime in the last minute Coop had disappeared. “And why are you telling me all this?”

“I think you know the answers to those questions,” Patsy smiled and began to grow indistinct. “Just remember what I’ve told you. It’s the key to her feelings. She can be a hard woman to convince sometimes.”

“Patsy, wait,” McQueen called out.

“Remember, Ty, choices, hard choices!” Patsy’s voice spun back at him. “Ask yourself, then answer, ‘where is your home McQueen, where is your home’?’”

The Colonel turned over in his sleep as the last of his dreams ended. Somewhere in the back of his mind they were filed away. Now he had to rest and get his strength back, there was work to be done. This time he wasn’t going to attempt to bury his thoughts. Jen had been right when she said it was a waste of energy to have to always bury things instead of learning to live with them. One advantage of the trach tube and being unable to speak was that it gave him plenty of time to think.

---

Planet 2063 Yankee September 4, 1800 hours

They had all moved into the small, well concealed cave where Shane and ‘Phousse had been hiding. From the outside it looked like a small crevice in the cliff, but it was really an opening two feet by five, that widened to a cave. The breeze from the lake helped keep it from getting too hot during the day. Jenny was beginning to think she was destine to spend the majority of the war in a cave of some sort or other.

“How’s she doing, Jenny?” Shane looked up worriedly from the fire she was tending. She couldn’t get her mind off what had happed to Paul and the Colonel. Thank goodness, Nathan had gotten Kylen and the rest of the POW’s back to the Saratoga. That was a small piece of good news to try to balance out the loss of the two men.

“Vanessa took a bad hit to the head,” Jenny sat beside Shane. “I think she may have a small subdural hematoma. I can’t be sure without a scanner.”

“I checked her forehead, the bump doesn’t look that bad,” Shane argue with the doctor.

“If there’s a bleed, it can be on the opposite side of her head than the main injury,” Jen moved into lecture mode. “When she hit her head going forward, the brain hit against the front of the skull, then bounced back, and hit the back of the skull. If it happens with enough force, then two injuries can result. Often, the second is the worst of the two.”

“But ‘Phousse was awake,” Vansen was filled with guilt. “Even with the damage to her wrist, she’s the one who got the emergency beacon going. She could hardly see, she was so dizzy, but she talked me through stripping pieces from the radio and getting the beacon working. She has to be all right!”

“Shane take it easy,” Nathan called out from his position at guard duty. “This isn’t your fault. I know what it was like piloting a troop carrier through the atmosphere of this planet, I can only imagine how hard it was for you to land that cockpit. It’s amazing you aren’t both dead.”

“Like Paul, you mean?” Shane leaned her face in her hands too tired to even think. “When she wakes up, don’t tell her about Paul. She thinks...she thinks....,” Vansen looked up at Jenny. “She told me just before she blacked out that Paul was talking to her. Telling her to hold on...to live. Was that just because of the hit to the head?”

“Shane,” Jen put her arm around her friend and spoke quietly, just between the two of them. “Sometimes in moments of great stress, we hear, or think we hear, people who are important to us. Those voices, weather our imagination, or what ever they are, help us to do what needs doing. ‘Phousse isn’t going crazy.”

“You’ve heard voices like that?” Shane whispered.

“Yes,” the older woman mouthed as she hugged her friend. “I don’t think I would have survived Kordis if I hadn’t. But there’s good news about Vanessa, too. I’ve set her broken wrist. It should heal without any problems.” Jenny kept her arm around Shane as she spoke. “The marks left by her safety harness lead me to believe she may have some bruised, possibly broken ribs. I’ve strapped them, to make her breathing easier. We need to give her time to heal. Sometimes waiting is the best medicine, though at the time it seems like the hardest thing to do.”

Connelly and Hawkes had returned from scouting the area with a helmet full of berries and two rabbit-like animals. The meat was cooking, and everyone was looking forward to eating.

“That sure smells good,” Mitch smiled as Coop divided up the food.

“It beats k-rations,” Shane grinned, then gasped as she remembered a dinner when k-rations had tasted like a feast.

“It’s okay Shane,” Nathan patted her arm. “Paul would hate it if you couldn’t look back at the good times and be happy about them.”

“It takes some getting used to. I was so sure everyone made it back but us,” Shane pointed to herself and ‘Phousse. She searched her mind for anything to change the subject, “how long will it take us to get back to the ISSCV?”

“Any chance we can bring it to us?” Jenny asked as she pushed her food around her plate in an attempt to look as if she was eating. “I don’t want to take Vanessa over that mountain, if we don’t have too?”

“Bringing it here isn’t the problem,” Hawkes looked over to West. “What do you think Nathan, can we find a place to park that thing?”

“It’ll fit on the beach,” West commented. “But we can’t keep it there for long, there’s no cover. I doubt Ross will have the Saratoga back here for at least six more days, maybe longer. When he does get back we need to be ready to take off.”

“Tomorrow at first light we should scout around and find a place where we can hide the carrier,” Mitch commented.

“Coop and I can go back for it, as soon as we know we can hide it on this side of the mountain.” Nathan looked around the group. “Mitch, you stay with Shane, ‘Phousse and Lady-Doc.”

“Nathan, I’d like to get a better look at that area where we found the dead AI,” Mitch suggested. “What if you and I went back, did a little scouting on the mountain, then headed here with the ISSCV?”

“What dead AI?” Shane shivered at the thought of the artificial beings that killed her parents. “I haven’t seen any signs of Chigs or AI’s since we crashed.”

“We found a Felicity unit with a drained power cell,” Coop filled Shane in on what had happened. Mitch didn’t miss the look that passed between the three Wildcards as they talked about the last time they had found one of those units with a similar problem.

“I think Mitch and Nathan should be the ones to go,” Shane spoke like Captain Vansen for the first time since she had been found. “Coop, Jenny and I’ll stay here with Vanessa. First things first though, we need to secure a hiding place for the craft before we bring it here. If we can’t do that we’ll need to move our base of operations.” As she talked, Shane turned toward the Doctor, “Jen, when do you think Vanessa could travel?” Vansen didn’t miss the way the older woman winced at her name.

“A..well,” Jenny found her voice. “We could rig a stretcher and carry her anytime we had to. It’s not ideal, but if that’s the only way, then we’ll have to do it. ‘Phousse isn’t walking over that mountain anytime soon. Please excuse me, I need some fresh air.” The older woman pasted a smile on her face as she put down her partially eaten dinner and left.

“What was that all about?” Shane watched Jenny’s back as she moved out of the cave. “What’d I say?”

“I think it’s because you called her ‘Jen’,” Hawkes whispered.

“But,” Shane shrugged, confused. “She used to like it when we did that.”

“Did she?” Nathan moved close to her. “Jenny’s been quiet and grim the last few days. The change in her......well, I’m not sure I want to know how deep it goes.”

“Yeah,” Coop nodded. “You didn’t see her that night, after everything went to hell, we did. The Colonel...” Hawkes took a deep breath so he could go on. “I heard in Sickbay that when they brought the Colonel in, with part of his leg blown off, he wanted her to be the one to operate on him. He said he trusted her.”

“Oh God,” Shane whispered. “She and McQueen are friends. How could he ask her to do that? How could she turn him down, if he asked?”

“She didn’t turn him down, but she hasn’t been the same since that night,” Nathan continued. “She came to our quarters after it was all over,” he could only shake his head at the memory. “Between doing as McQueen asked, hearing about Paul and the two of you, she was so fragile I was afraid she’d break.”

“But she didn’t,” Coop shook his head. “The next morning she took on Ross to get this rescue mission going. She may have looked fragile on the outside, but there was something made of steel on the inside of her. It drove her and everything else onward.” As he said the words, his memory was jogged, something Jenny had said months ago, something about......*”it takes a hot fire to temper strong steel, and McQueen is made of the strongest I’ve ever seen. The young in-vitro looked out into the dark. In that moment he knew!

“Is she safe out there?” Shane looked toward the entrance of the cave.

“I got my eye on her,” Mitch Connelly smiled back from his position at guard duty. “Don’t worry about her Captain, she told me once she likes to hear the sound of the sea. I guess the waves on that big lake over there are making her feel right at home.”

“Maybe I should go out there.....” Shane started to get up when Nathan lay a hand on her shoulder.

“Give her some time. Mitch’ll keep an eye on her.”

Jenny sat concealed in the bushes by the cliff, staring out over the water 20 feet away. I’ve got to get a grip on myself, she thought as the two moons rose, casting an eerie light on the water. Either he’s coming back or he’s not, either way I need to deal with it. she bit her lip as she worked through her options.

*”I’ll be back, Jen, Ty’s voice rumbled in her ear. You don’t think this is over do you? Now go to bed, it’s much later than you think. His soft voice rang in her head, as she moved quickly back to the cave.

At least when she’d been on Kordis, and she’d heard him talking to her, he hadn’t talked in riddles! she thought as she passed Mitch Connelly at the entrance, and joined the others who were sleeping toward the back. Her last waking thoughts were, maybe this time I am cracking up!

In those early morning hours, when it’s always darkest, the sound of the waves pounding on the sand filled Jenny’s dreams. They took her away to a place where all things are possible. She was on her boat, the sails were stretched taught from a strong wind, that drove the craft over a blue ocean. She could feel a man standing behind her, his hands gripping hers lightly on the wheel. When she turned her head to rub her cheek against the arm that was wrapped around her, she could smell Hammerhead fuel and sandalwood aftershave.

“Ty?” She murmured in her sleep.

“Easy there, Jen,” a deep voice quieted her.

“Love you,” she smiled.

An awkward hand patted her shoulder, until she fell into a quiet sleep. Cooper Hawkes, watched the Doctor carefully until he was sure she was sleeping soundly, then moved back to his place at guard duty. When the young Marine had heard her start to murmur, he was glad he had chosen the early morning watch. He had decided yesterday it was fitting that he be the one to keep her secret. So keep it he would, until the man came back, who the secret really belonged to.

Next : Chapter Five - Part Four

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