Jenny had been careful to avoid McQueen until after he had had his morning coffee. Let Dr. Voss or Dr. Maas catch the brunt of his anger, she thought as she finger combed her hair.

"Good morning, Colonel," Jenny smiled as she walked into his room. One look at his face told her the coffee wasn't going to be enough to prevent an argument. "I've discharged you as of....."

"Why Jen?" McQueen ground out. "Why did you do it?" He was having problems dealing with the idea that he had let her get past him so easily.

"We're going to play it like this, are we?" Jenny put down her hand computer, closed and locked the hatch before heading back to McQueen's bedside.

"This is no game." McQueen's face was stone cold. His eyes frosted over. "Those are my people, my responsibility. You have no right..."

"No right to do what?" Jenny's anger was a tangible thing. "No right to make sure you're still alive to watch out for them?"

Someone knocked on the hatch and tried turning the handle to open it. "Stay the hell out of here!" McQueen shouted. He was glad Jen had engaged the lock. They needed to get this settled between them.

"That's it McQueen, keep shouting. I locked the hatch to try to keep from putting on more of a spectacle than we did last night!" Jen ran her hands through her short curls in frustration.

"Wang needed me last night. Hitting me with a sleeper was out of line." McQueen's voice was low and cold.

"No, Ty," Jenny stood over him. "Paul needs you this morning." She poked him in the chest for emphasis. "Last night he needed a doctor, which is what he got."

"Damn it Jen. You had no right to do what you did." McQueen was cooling off, but he was still angry. He would have liked to pull rank on her, but he was in her Sickbay and it would have done him no good.

"Ty, listen to me." Jen sat, as she pulled up a chair, still willing to fight, but hoping common sense would reassert itself in the angry Marine. "If I could have been assured that you would have stayed on that gurney and let yourself be treated, there would have been no need for the Sleepez."

"I would have been fine." McQueen could see the worry in Jen's eyes. "I tried to tell you that last night."

"No," Jen shook her head. "You wanted your own way last night, and were not about to listen to reason."

"How would you know what I wanted?" McQueen's eyes flashed fire. "You hit me with that hypospray before I had a chance to talk to you."

"You forget I've worked with you before," Jen ground out. "You weren't about to listen to reason. You were charging the hill, so I shot you down, before you fell down!"

"Damn it, Jen! You overstepped your bounds." It was hard on the Colonel's dignity to argue wearing a hospital gown.

"You had blood loss from the gash in your head." Her hand reached automatically for the dressing. "You were dehydrated, and in case you haven't noticed, there're a number of stitches in your body that weren't there this time yesterday. The odds are very good, that if you had pushed yourself much further, you'd be unconscious right now, and not from a mild sedative!"

McQueen saw the truth in what Jen was saying. He didn't like it, but there wasn't much he could do about it now. "You've got to promise me this won't happen again!"

"Listen up, MARINE!" Jen shook her finger at him. "The other night you stopped me from going on a mission I wanted to go on. You were right to do so. I would have been a liability. It tore me apart to stay behind, but I did. You used your professional judgment. Please, trust me enough to let me use mine."

"Jen, I trust you." McQueen grabbed her finger and pulled her closer to him. "You don't think you would have gotten the hypospray past me if I didn't?"

"Aahhh, so the truth comes out," Jen smiled. "Now give me back my finger.

McQueen let go of her, his anger gone, "Pax, Doctor?" He held out his hand.

"Pax, Colonel," Jen answered as she shook his hand. "Now I better see who has been trying to get in here." She had no illusions that she had reformed the stubborn Marine. His habits of avoiding doctors were too ingrained.

Still smiling, Jen opened the door to find Commodore Ross leaning against the bulkhead.

"I was afraid I would find blood all over the floor. I guess you two have settled this between you." Ross smirked as he took in the Doctor's laughing face and watched as McQueen worked to put a frown back on his.

"I'm going to keep Paul another night, but all of the others have already left, Colonel." Jen was being careful to use his title in front of Ross. "If you have any questions regarding any of the 58th's medical condition, see the nurse at the desk. I'll clear it so you can find out what you need to know. Good-day gentlemen."

Saratoga December 6, 2063

The Wildcards' attempted raid on Kazbek put new life back in the men and women on the Saratoga. Commodore Ross was using it to boost moral with other officers on other carriers, as well. McQueen had been right, when he said the chance was worth taking. For the moment, things were peaceful. No one knew if the Chigs were on the run, or if they were waiting out there to ambush them. But after the constant attacks of a few weeks ago, the relative peace was getting on everyone's nerves.

Jenny had started going to the Tun with the Wildcards in the evenings. It was hard on her, when McQueen began coming as well. Instead of following his old pattern of leaving when she arrived, he was staying and playing poker and having a drink with them. Keeping her end of the deal with the Universe was turning out to be a lot harder than she had thought it would be.

"Did Collins teach you to bluff like that?" McQueen turned to Jenny with a half smile, after she had won three hands in a row.

"You don't think we spent all those evenings together talking about guys, watching chik-flicks and eating popcorn, do you?" Jen giggled. She had heard one of the Angels saying just that, about the evenings Gloria, Jenny and sometimes Mai-Lee, the other female Angel, spent together. "Besides, how do you know I didn't teach Collins a few things?"

"That'll be the day!" McQueen picked up his scotch, took a drink and handed it to her.

"I think I've just been insulted," Jenny laughed as she turned in her seat and faced McQueen. She smelled the scotch, then put it back on the table. The movement between the two so natural, neither realized they had done it.

"What do you guys think?" Jen turned to the Marines at the table. They had seen the casual by-play between the man and woman and weren't sure what to make of it.

"If I can't win," Wang filled the silence. "I'm just glad it's someone other than Vansen or Hawkes doing the winning."

That night as Jenny lay in bed, she heard the quiet whispering between Vansen and Damphousse.

"Shane," 'Phousse quietly slipped down from her bunk. "You awake?"

"Shhhh." Vansen looked closely at the bunk across from hers, but Jenny appeared to be sleeping. "Did you see what happened in the Tun?"

"What was that all about?" 'Phousse sat at the foot of her friends bunk.

"It was like they had know each other for years," Shane shook her head. "That bit with McQueen's drink? I would swear neither of them was aware that they did it. And McQueen always knows what he's doing."

"And who the hell is Collins?" 'Phousse touched her jaw, remembering a bar fight in basic training, "the only Collins I remember was that Amazon with the Angry Angels. Somehow I can't picture her partying with the Lady-Doc."

Jenny lay in her bunk and gritted her teeth. Had she smelled his drink like she used to do in the old days? She couldn't remember. I've got to find a way to put some distance between myself and McQueen until I can get my balance back, Jen thought.

The next day a chance presented itself. When the transport arrived from the Clara Barton, the transport doctor was sicker than any of the people he had come to pick up. He had a high fever and acute lower right quadrant abdominal pain. Classic symptoms of appendicitis. Chico Voss removed Dr. Mason's appendix, while Jenny got permission to cover for the ill doctor.

Two hours after his surgery, Mason was a patient on his own shuttle, along with the eight wounded, going back to the Clara. Jenny went with them in his place. The trip that was scheduled to last for two days dragged out to over a week, due to heavy fighting breaking out again. Jen was forced to pace the Clara between time spent helping in surgery. All the transports were needed in other areas. It would be a while before she made the return trip.

Saratoga, December 25, 2063 - 0330

It had been a long twenty-four hours. If McQueen was honest with himself, he would admit it had been a long month. Three times now, he thought he had lost all, or almost all, of the 58th. He could understand why most in-vitros were loners. It made life so much easier, than this caring.

It had started with Kazbek, but at least that time he had been with them. Then there was two weeks ago, when Nathan was the only one to come back from a mean little planet that was eating troops as fast as they could be sent in. The Wildcards had gone in to take supplies and evac wounded. West had come back to the Saratoga, alone, out of his head from injuries and ranting about 'staying with the dead.' It had taken McQueen three days to come to his senses and believe the young man wasn't delusional. He hated to think how close he had come to losing all five Marines, who were becoming so important to him. Four of them dead on an enemy held planet, and Nathan a living dead man, with his long-term memory surgically excised.

Jenny Kirkwood had been stuck on the Clara when Nathan was brought to Sickbay, and doubt and guilt had plagued McQueen. Doubt as to trusting a doctor that wasn't Jen, and guilt, because he wanted to believe so badly that the other Wildcards were alive, even though he had stood at attention at a memorial service for them and felt the first tears to ever form in his eyes. This is what happens when I care, he thought as he straightened the tie of his dress uniform shirt, before heading to the Christmas party in the Mess Hall.

He had been robbed of his customary ability to make quick decisions. He wondered which decision he would have made, if caring hadn't gotten in the way? Would he have said 'shove it' to the doctor and sent troops in after the 'Cards three days earlier than he did, or would he have turned his back on Nathan, and lost them all?

Last night he was faced with another such decision. This time he was quicker to listen to the strange new voice in him. The squad's ISSCV had taken fire during a battle. He alone, had believed them alive. All he had to go on was faith and the knowledge that the ISSCV radio was receiving. His belief had paid off. The Wildcards had been recovered hours later, caught in the tail of a comet.

Caring is hard, but it has its advantages, he remembered the times in the last weeks when he had put to use the lesson he had learned from Jenny that night before Kazbek. He had been able to give and receive comfort to Nathan as the young Marine fought to remember what had happened to his friends. Numerous times McQueen, had grasped Nathan's hand or shoulder. A reaching out of survivors, the exchange of comfort that only those who understood can give.

And today, he had played 'interstellar disk jockey.' Something he never would have done. It was a way to reach out to his kids. He couldn't touch them, but he hoped his voice did. Then there was Ross, he smiled as he remembered, the feel of Glen Ross' hand gripping his shoulder as news of the 58th's recovered ISSCV, came over the radio.

Glen had used that gesture a number of times, over the years. McQueen had always found it an intrusion on his personal space, but had never said anything, because Glen was his friend. McQueen had felt that it was something that Ross needed to do, now he understood that it was something that was needed by both of them.

Saratoga Mess Hall December 25, 2063- 0400 hours:

Jenny was running very late for the Christmas party, but it was still going strong when she arrived. The fighting in the last twenty-four hours had kept the Medical Corps working overtime, but Sickbay was under control, so shifts were back to normal. Looking around she saw the Wildcards in a group by the Christmas tree. McQueen and Ross were over by a window talking. Someone handed her a light blue drink. She sniffed it, expecting to smell Bombay Sapphire, then giggled to herself, at her reaction. She knew it was the bottle that made that brand of gin appear blue. Instead of the crisp juniper berry scent of gin, Jenny smelled a spicy fragrance, she couldn't place. Oh, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, she thought as she took a sip.

McQueen put his two Christmas presents in his pocket and moved to the windows were Jen was standing. He had seen her work her way around the edge of the crowd, when he was talking to Ross.

"How are the new quarters working out?" McQueen came up behind her. Winslow had returned to the Saratoga ten days earlier, and Ross had moved Jen to the empty quarters, two units down from McQueen's. Until they heard from General Savage, both McQueen and Ross were worried that Jen could have made herself some enemies before leaving Earth, and they wanted her where she was close under hand.

"Fine," Jen shrugged. "I hear you had a rough day, Ty. I'm glad to see that everything turned out all right." She looked over his shoulder toward the 58th.

"Yours doesn't look to have been too much easier," he used his glass to point at the left breast pocket of her lab coat, where her watch and bracelet were still pinned. She had been in surgery recently, or she would have been wearing them.

"Ohh, thanks," looking down, she undid the large pin and slipped her watch on, but fumbled the bracelet. McQueen was quicker than she, and caught it.

"Here, let me help you," he offered as he fastened it around her left wrist. "Merry Christmas, Jen."

"Merry Christmas, Ty," for a moment, Jen was taken back a year ago, to when he had given her the bracelet. "This is sure different from last Christmas, isn't it?"

"Have you heard from Patsy at all?" Ty was worried about the in-vitro woman who meant so much to Jen. "After last year, I hate to think of her spending the day alone."

"I didn't tell you, did I?" Jenny laughed. She had been trying to keep a distance between them, for her own comfort's sake, but he did deserve to hear this. "My footlocker arrived from the Air Force the other day, along with a package from Patsy. There were three letters in the package. Two from Patsy and one from General Savage."

"General Savage?" McQueen had been hoping to hear from him, but hadn't so far. Jen getting a personal letter from the General didn't sit well with him.

"Patsy is spending Christmas with General...no, excuse me, with FRANK." Jen began to giggle harder. "It was Frank this and Frank that. And the General's letter told me what a wonderful lady Patsy is, and how thoughtful it was of her to invite him to the Island for Christmas. He had gone to see her after leaving rehab. I guess, to let her know I was all right and one thing seems to have led to another." Jenny couldn't stand it any longer and was laughing openly.

"Are we talking about the same General Savage?" McQueen grinned, feeling a weight lifted from him. Savage was interested in Patsy, not Jen.

"The one and only," Jen laughed harder. "Old fire and brimstone, I don't trust in-vitros Savage, is interested in Patsy!" Jen was laughing so hard her eyes teared. "The irony. Yes, I love it!"

"Poor Patsy, hell, poor Savage," McQueen joined in the laughter. "Patsy is quite a woman, he doesn't stand a chance."

"Can you think of a stranger pair?" Jen wiped the happy tears from under her eyes.

"Well..." McQueen had a flash, then it was gone. It happened so fast, it refused to stick in his mind. "No I guess I can't."

"Colonel? Dr. Kirkwood?" West had come to find them. It had been a pleasure to watch them silhouetted against the window, laughing. For a moment it took the war far away. "We've got a present for the Doctor, from the Wildcards."

"Oh, guys, that's so sweet," Jen sighed, "but I don't have anything for you."

"What you did for us when we came back from Kazbek," Paul looked her in the eyes. "Well Ma'am, consider that your present to us, besides, this is something you should have had a while ago."

Kelly Winslow handed Jen a small package, "open it up. We hope you like it," she smiled.

Jen's hands shook, as she opened the package. Inside she found two patches, a 58th squadron patch and the patch with the Wildcards' flushed out cards.

"Oh, thanks guys," she moved around the group giving them each a hug. When she got to McQueen, she froze for a moment, then gave him a quick hug and stepped back.

"Those are for your lab coat, Ma'am," Coop indicated the coat she was wearing over her scrubs. "We've got some others for you to put on fatigues, for missions."

"Well that makes it official, I'm a Wildcard," Jen giggled.

"There's one other thing, if you're a Wildcard, you need a call sign," McQueen hoped they were doing the right thing. He knew the 58th wanted to make her feel like part of them. He hoped Jen was ready for this.

"A call sign?" Jen held her breath. What was McQueen trying to pull? He knew she already had one, though she kept it locked away in her heart.

"Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Kirkwood, let it be know from this day forward, you are named, Lady-Doc," McQueen spoke softly. He saw the relief flood her face.

"Thank-you," Jen mouthed silently to McQueen. "Thanks all of you. I'd like to propose a toast," holding up her glass. "To missing friends," she clinked her glass against McQueen's, then turned toward the six young Marines, "and to those who have been returned to us."

Jen slipped out of the Mess Hall a few minutes later.

"Jen, I'm headed that way, myself," McQueen called after her, matching his steps to hers as they walked toward their quarters.

"Thanks, Ty," Jen spoke softly. "Especially for the new call sign. Angel-Doc died the night the Angry Angels did."

"We're not ALL dead, Jen," Ty reached in his pocket. "I was going to give you this, but I wanted to do it in private." He handed her an Angry Angel patch. "It's your choice if you wear it, but remember, 'not even death can defeat an Angry Angel.'"

"Gloria used to tell me that," Jen smiled at the memory. "Before you guys would climb into your cockpits, she'd look at me and say 'don't worry Angel-Doc, not even death can defeat an Angry Angel.' Then she would give me that grin of hers and stride off as if the universe was her own personal playground."

"I think she thought it was. Hell, we all did, until we went up against the Chigs," McQueen shook his head. "Did you know the Corps retired the Angels? After you and I, there will be no more Angry Angels."

"I didn't know," Jen shook her head. "But Ty, I was never really an Angel."

"Yes you were, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you weren't," they had been standing beside her door for a while now. "I know you miss Gloria, but she went the way she would have wanted to, taking out the two Chigs that had blown Lt. Col. Smyth's plane out of the sky."

"You guys knew, all along, about them?" Jenny was shocked. "And on three different missions you let Gloria and I play switch the bunk, for your entertainment and joy?"

"I'm not sure what the others thought, but they knew you were helping cover for Collins and Smyth," McQueen shrugged his shoulders. "We all thought too much of the Colonel, to not keep it between ourselves. I figured that it must have been something special, because if it had been just another fling, you wouldn't have covered for Collins, no matter how good a friend she was."

"It was special, Ty," Jen smiled sadly. "I'm not sure it started out that way, but it was special. They're dead now, so I guess it doesn't matter if I tell you. The Colonel asked Gloria to marry him last April. They were going to elope this Christmas."

"You're kidding me?" McQueen couldn't believe what he was hearing. "It would be disastrous for both their careers. It was bad enough they were having an affair."

"I know, I know, but they were going to do it anyway," Jen laughed. "I remember the night he proposed. Gloria showed up at my door after midnight, ranting and raving, it took me twenty minutes to calm her down enough to find out what had her so upset."

"Didn't she want to marry him?" McQueen was confused.

"Very much so," Jen explained. "Too much so. It took her a week to calm down and agree. The Colonel wanted the commitment that went with marriage. She was scared to death of it, but wanted it as badly as he did. In the end, they decided to just roll the dice. They planned to keep it a secret for as long as possible. Unfortunately, this war broke out and instead of a wedding there was a memorial service."

They heard voices coming from around the bend in the corridor. "I really need to get some sleep," Jen keyed her code into her door. "Merry Christmas, Ty and thank you for the gifts."

"Merry Christmas, Jen," McQueen moved to his own door. "Remember what I said. You are an Angry Angel." He was keying in his code as two officers walked past. He must have been more tired than he thought. He was usually more careful, than to be seen outside his quarters with a natural born woman.

The Saratoga December 25, 0510

After leaving Ty standing in the hall, Jenny was left with an empty feeling. The last few hours had been a test of the walls she rebuilt while on the Clara. She was proud of herself for being able to carry on as his friend, and just that. She had been distancing herself from everyone on board in a subtle attempt to keep away from McQueen.

Carefully laying out the patches she had been given tonight she ran her fingers over each one. Spending extra time on the familiar wings and halo, that she had worn for almost a year. She wanted very badly to wear that patch, again. But knew that doing so would cause too many questions. Ones, that she wasn't up to answering at present. "I'll honor you my own way, let Ty think what he wants," Jenny spoke quietly.

Earth January 3, 2064- Aerotech Headquarters

Howard Sewell hummed to himself as he walked to the lab from his office. He couldn't believe his good fortune. He had followed a rumor he had heard over a month ago, using vacation time and a bluff to get back on the Saratoga. He had ended up with the 21st Century equivalent of black gold. Always before, he was being pushed out. Intelligent enough to do their research and even get a foothold on the bottom rung of the Board of Governors, but never quite good enough to move to the inner circle of Aerotech. This discovery of his would be the making of him.

Though it was being kept under heavy security, they were already calling it Sewell Fuel. He laughed as the name ran off his tongue. He had a meeting with E. Allan Wayne, head of the Board in an hour. In that meeting he planned to map out his future with Aerotech.

An hour after Sewell's meeting with Wayne, another meeting took place. E. Allan Wayne was having a private conversation with Carleton Stryker. Stryker had entered unseen through the underground entrance two miles from the compound that was Aerotech's main building. He was angry that the need for this meeting existed, and the timing couldn't have been worse. Stryker was living a very public life since his engagement to Diane Hayden. He found it cramped his style a bit, but it was necessary until he and Diane had the power base securely under them, then damn the world and what it thought.

"How did this happen, Allan?" Stryker kept his voice even. For the moment he needed Wayne, but in the not to distant future that would be rectified.

"Sewell is smart, smarter than we gave him credit for." Wayne was worried, but he didn't want Stryker to know it. "And he is a scientist."

"Can he be managed?" Stryker needed to know what damage control measures needed to be taken and how fast they needed to be implemented.

"Howard, is a greedy son-of-a-bitch, that'll work in our favor." Wayne was tallying all he knew and had learned, about the man, in the last few weeks since Sewell returned with the Fuel whose existence had started a war.

"How much do you think he knows?" Stryker was beginning to relax, he knew how to deal with greed.

"For a man with his IQ, he can be foolish," Wayne assured Stryker. "All he can see is the glory and money from the small find he has in a suitcase. He has no idea of the scope or the power he has stumbled onto."

"He was involved on the Tellus Project, wasn't he?" Stryker ground his teeth as Wayne nodded in the affirmative. "Is he smart enough to put two and two together and come up with Sewell Fuel?"

"No, Sir," Wayne assured the other man. "Tellus and Vesta were kept compartmentalized. Workers from each project were kept separate, and then moved to facilities at opposite ends of the country."

"If things are as you say, we should be all right. In fact, we may be able to use Sewell at some point down the line. Keep me posted, on this Allan." Stryker shook hands and left as he had come. He hated to do it, but he might have to bring Diane in on this. She had contacts with the AI's. When Sewell was eliminated, it needed to be done off of Earth, and in such a way that it could never be traced back to them.

Saratoga January 3, 2064

Jenny had been called to Commodore Ross' office after her shift. She had been on her feet all day, and would have loved to get some food, but the young Marine who had brought the message had said it was important, so here she was. When she was let into the office, she discovered that McQueen was there as well. Something was wrong she could tell by the lack of expression on both men's faces.

"What's wrong? Is it Patsy? Ty, did something happen to her?" Frightened, Jenny didn't even acknowledge either of the senior officers as she knew she should have.

"No, Jen, she's fine," McQueen took her arm and lead her to the chair across from Ross.

"I'm sorry Jenny, we didn't mean to scare you," Ross smiled, dismayed that he had been read so easily. "But there is a problem we need to talk to you about."

"Just as long as Patsy is okay," Jen smiled at McQueen. "She's the only one who ever...well I love her and want her safe."

"I received an encrypted message from Frank Savage today," Ross wasn't sure how to continue so he fell back on Commodore mode. "We have been a little less then honest with you Dr. Kirkwood."

"About what, Sir?" Jen had a feeling she wasn't going to like this.

"After we took you off Kordis, the General asked me to keep you here," Ross watched Jen's face. "He was, and still is, very worried about you. It appears, that you and the doctors you worked with at the In-Vitro Health Facility made some powerful enemies." Ross could see realization dawn on Jenny's face. "In this message, from the General, it's confirmed that as of late in November, you're the only one of your group still alive." Ross never took his eyes off the woman on the other side of his desk, gaging her reaction

"I knew about Carmine Delaney. I got a telegram. He had no family," Jen spoke softly, hardly breathing. "The others, what happened?"

"Here, Jen," McQueen held out his glass of scotch. Her hand curled lightly over his and she took a deep breath. "No Jen, drink it." McQueen was relieved when she did as he ask. It brought some of the color back that had been washed out of her face a moment ago.

"Carmine died in a war zone," Jen's voice cracked. "Did they all die like that? Was I meant to die on Kordis?"

"Dr. Kirkwood, they all died with honor, and for Earth," Ross could see Jenny getting her balance back. "We have no proof that's why you were on Kordis, but it's what General Savage, Col. McQueen and I, believe, in light of what we have just found out."

"You'll have to excuse me, Commodore," Jen got up and began to pace as she fidgeted with her bracelet. "I don't understand what's going on here. Why should a General, a Commodore and a Lieutenant Colonel, concern yourselves with one doctor in the middle of this big war?" She stopped for a moment to catch her breath, as her temper built. "And why wasn't I told what was going on. I realize this may have been on a need-to-know basis, but don't you think I needed to know?"

"Sit back down, Lieutenant Commander," Ross indicated her chair with his eyes.

"Yes, Sir, " Jen sat as the energy and temper left as quickly as it had hit her. "I apologize. I was out of line."

"Apology accepted," Ross smiled at her as he leaned across his desk. "There is more to this. A lot of it is still classified, but I'll answer any questions I can."

"I know that the General tried to get me transferred off Kordis, but it didn't work." Jen took a deep breath not wanting to hear the answer to her next question, but needing to ask it. "Was I assigned to the 58th so I would be in a unit that was seeing action?"

"Yes," Ross told Jenny the truth. "When the General tried to get you off of Kordis, he was told to keep you in a forward duty area. Frank had me do a bit of checking and that was the response I got as well. If I had assigned you to the Saratoga Sickbay, like as not, new orders would have come in and you could very well be dead. The 58th was a logical conclusion. Your speciality is in-vitro medicine, both Col. McQueen and Lt. Hawkes are in-vitros, and the 5-8 sees a lot of action. We fix it so you go with them often enough to make it work."

"So this was all a lie?" Jenny was surprised at the pain she felt. "All of you, the Wildcards, you were all just playing along?" She was no stranger to feeling like an outsider, but this cut deep.

"No, Jen, it's not what you think," McQueen reached for the hand that was toying with her bracelet, and grasp it to get her attention. "It isn't a lie. You are as much a part of the Wildcards as you were of the Angry Angels. And the kids never knew. Everything they did was because they wanted to. We aren't going to tell them. The fewer people who know the better."

After carefully looking McQueen in the eyes, Jen smiled and squeezed his hand as she pulled free, "thanks, Ty." Turning to Ross, she bit her lip, feeling lost and alone. "Do you have any idea who is behind all of this?"

"I don't, and if the General does, he isn't saying, at the moment," Ross was worried, but didn't want to let Jenny know that. "This may take time to resolve. Anyone with the power to do what has been done, is someone who must be handled with care."

"We don't have to worry about people around me being in danger, do we?" Jenny had a vision of the Saratoga going up in a ball of fire.

"I don't believe we do," it was a small lie, and Ross hoped she would forgive him if it ever came out.

"That's a relief," Jen took a deep breath. "I would appreciated being kept up to date on any further news you have regarding this."

"Anything that isn't classified, will be passed on to you," Ross assured her.

Jen was half-way to the door, when a thought struck her. "That's why the General went to Catalina before Christmas. He was checking to make sure my family was safe."

"It's a pretty good guess," McQueen nodded.

"He's not playing games with Patsy, is he?" The fire was returning to her eyes.

"Frank Savage is an honorable man," Ross smiled. "He asked me to tell you 'thank you, and not just for the good medical care,'" Ross added, causing both McQueen and Jenny to laugh.

"You explain it to him, Ty, I need to get some food. If that's all, Sir?" Jen smiled as she left the Commodore's office.

"She catches you by surprise doesn't she?" Ross shook his head as Jenny left. "She can be such a tiger. To see her like that, it reminds you she's a woman."

"Losing the 127th was hard on her," McQueen stood as he finished his drink. Everything about Jen reminded him that she was a woman.

"Ty, you lost them too," Ross watched his friend.

"It was the way she lost them that makes it so much worse for her," McQueen sighed. "She had to sit on Earth and watch the battle. I was fighting along with them. Besides, her relationship was different with them, than mine was. Assigning Jen to the 58th reminds her of it all the time. Ever since I refused to let her go to Kazbek, there has been a sadness about her. She's been keeping people at a distance, that's out of character for her."

The Saratoga February 2, 2064

Between November and early January, Sickbay had been over-run with wounded. Jenny didn't think things could get any worse, but she was wrong. Suddenly, instead of causalities, there was almost no one to take care of. Hammerheads were being destroyed on a daily basis. No one knew what was going on, but when squads went out, they didn't always return. When they returned, they were usually missing a number of planes. Rumors were everywhere, but no fact. Added to that, the Saratoga was becoming a focal point for the entire 5th Marine Air Calvary Division.

The only good thing about the quiet time in Sickbay, was that Jenny and Chico Voss were finally able to come to terms with one another. That morning she had cornered the tall sandy-haired doctor and hashed it out with him. For the last two months, he had been taking pot-shots at her because of her in-vitro rights stance. In the end they agreed to leave politics out of Sickbay, and to agree to disagree. It had been easier than she had expected, but since working together, they had a grudging respect for the other's abilities and both wanted to keep the peace during the long hours that they were forced into each other's company. Over lunch they discovered they shared a passion for backgammon. Chico pulled out his board and they spent the afternoon rolling the dice.

When Jenny went to the Tun that evening, it was more crowded than usual. The male Wildcards were in what looked like a very serious poker game with some pilots from another unit. Shane was at the bar with a handsome young man and Vanessa and Kelly were at a table in the corner having a drink. Jenny's plans to stay only a few minutes were put aside, when Kelly Winslow learned that the squad she had been on loan to before Christmas, had died that day. The entire 42nd squadron was wiped out, with no explanation.

Three days later the ship was in shock. The reports of an alien super-fighter were substantiated. Hammerheads were still being blown from the sky, and there was fear on everyone's face. More pilots had been lost when 15 squads went out hunting the fighter that was being called Chiggy Von Richthofen, named after the German WWI flying ace. One of those pilots, was Cpt. John Oakes, Shane's high school sweetheart.

Late that night, Shane Vansen knocked on Jenny Kirkwood's door. Shane had spent the last hours 'fighting the inevitable.' She was tired and confused. At first it had seemed easy, just deny that John was dead. Pretend he was on a mission and would be home the next day or the day after. But the more Shane looked at the alien moon out of the window of the Tun, the more she knew that wasn't the problem that was eating at her. The Doctor had been a big help to Paul, after Kazbek, maybe she could help Shane.

"Come on in, Shane," Jenny opened the door for the younger woman. "Have a seat. Would you like a drink? I'm getting myself one."

"Sure, what ever you have," Shane shrugged her shoulders, looking around the small quarters that the Doctor had been moved to.

"You were an Angry Angel?" Shane looked with surprise, at the insignia on the foot locker Jenny had pulled out from under her bunk.

"Yes, I was assigned to them for almost a year." Jen mentally kicked herself for not being more careful, as she dug in the footlocker for the bottle of cognac and snifters, that Patsy had sent her. "Here we go, this is what I was looking for." She poured the deep amber liquid into the bottom of each balloon shaped glass and handed one to Shane.

"Mmm, this is nice," Shane tasted the smoothness of the cognac.

"Now, sit down and talk to me." Jenny put pillows behind herself, and sat Indian style on her bunk, leaving the one chair for Shane. "I was sorry to hear about Cpt. Oakes."

"Thanks," Shane reached for a tissue that Jen had on her desk, then pulled out the telegram that McQueen had brought her a few hours earlier in the Tun. "He's dead, and there are so many unanswered questions."

"Why don't you start at the beginning," Jen suggested as she took a sip of her drink.

Shane told Jenny about dating John all through high school. How they had both dreamed of being Marine pilots someday. John was in the class ahead of Shane's. When she had been finishing her senior year in high school, John was at Loxley doing basic, then was stationed on the moon for extended survival training.

"Then at my senior prom, he proposed," Shane could still remember how surprised she had been. "I told him no, not yet, but worst of all I told him I didn't believe in forever."

"Let me see if I understand this?" Jenny leaned forward. "You were 18 and he was 19? He asked you to marry him and you asked for more time? You wanted him to ask you again in a few years? Am I understanding it correctly?"

"Yes, but it was more than that," Shane needed for Jenny to understand how she had hurt John. "When I told him I didn't believe in forever, it did something to him. It was like I was saying I didn't believe in us."

"I still don't see why you are taking the blame for this." Jenny watched Shane fidget with things on her desk. "You asked for more time, to grow up a bit. You weren't saying you didn't love him." Jen probed a bit deeper, "did you really not believe in forever?"

"No I didn't," Shane bit her lip. "I'm still not sure I do."

"Would you have wanted to start off a marriage with a lie?" Jenny pushed a bit harder. "Do you really think the two of you would have been happier that way?"

"Have you ever been in love, Lady-Doc?" Shane shot back, confused, and hating that Jenny was making sense.

"Yes," Jenny admitted quietly.

"You're not wearing a ring of any kind, is he dead?" Shane was curious. She had come to Jenny for advice on love and wanted to know if the woman knew what she was talking about.

"No, he's not dead," Jenny gave thanks she could answer her question that way. "He doesn't love me back, that's all," she shrugged.

"And you just gave up like that?" Shane had always been a fighter, she couldn't imagine just letting a man walk away from her.

"You can't force love, Shane," Jenny smiled at the younger woman. "Besides, he likes his women, tall, very blond, and very curvy. That's not me. Well I'm sort of blond, but not like he likes them."

"The pig," Shane was slightly taller than Jenny and was highly insulted that a man would turn down a woman because of a superficial thing height.

"I can drink to that," Jenny touched her snifter lightly to Shane's as she fought a laugh. Shane would die if she knew she had just drunk a toast calling her commanding officer a pig.

"I really did love him, Dr. Kirkwood," Shane had finished her drink and put her glass down.

"Do you think that might be the problem? You cared deeply for each other, at one time? From what you tell me, you had both moved on." Jen watched Shane as she digested what was being said. "Now he's dead, on a mission you were both flying. That can be a lot to take all at once."

"You're saying I'm feeling survivor guilt?" Shane didn't think it was that easy.

"That, and more," Jenny began to pace the small cabin. "Some people believe that love never really dies, it's you that changes. When that happens, one of two things take place. Love changes with you and remains strong and firm, a deep part of you, with very deep roots. If the love doesn't change, it becomes a caring, a fondness, something that was. Maybe, something that's always with you, but a thing of the past. I think, you need to ask yourself if you are mourning the loss of a boy who was a sweetheart, or a man who had the potential to be a lifetime partner?"

"When you put it that way, I just don't know," a last tear slipped down Shane's face.

"There's also, the issue about loving forever. You were 18 years old, that's very young to think in terms of forever. He was asking a lot of you, of anyone, for that matter. One can say, 'I love you today,' and 'I'll probably love you tomorrow,' but to be asked to commit to forever?" Jenny shook her head. "Things change, people change."

"Jenny, the man you told me about earlier, the one you love," Shane was remembering stories that Jen had told on Kordis. Stories of a Marine pilot who had died. Something didn't fit? "How long have you loved him?"

"For longer than I care to admit," Jenny tried very hard to keep the sorrow out of her face. "I didn't realize it showed."

"Do you think you'll stop loving him?"

"I don't know, but I hope so, Shane. Please, I can't talk about him, I'm sorry," Jenny stood and looked out her small porthole.

As Shane looked carefully at the Doctor, she wondered how she had missed the haunted look that was in the older woman's eyes. Had it always been there, or was Jenny very good at hiding it?

"Are you saying that you don't believe in forever, either?" Shane wondered why the older woman's stance seemed so familiar. She knew she had never watched Jenny watch the stars before.

"No.....wait, wait," Jenny turned and began to pace. "I owe you better than that. What I said about forever, it's a pat, easy answer. Something I read somewhere. I can only tell you what I know. What I've.....felt." Jenny returned to the porthole watching the stars that blurred as tears filled her eyes.

"Jenny," Shane could feel the older woman's pain and would have done anything, in that moment, to make it go away. "Please, you don't have to do this."

"I want to." Jenny turned, her eyes still bright with tears, but her emotions under control. "Sometimes, forever never comes." Jen smiled slightly, gently caressing the gold chain on her left wrist. "Because there is never enough time. There is only the present and in a second it's gone. If you're very lucky, all those seconds add up to days, months and years, but it's never long enough. Never enough time for all the love you feel." She dropped her hands and was seeing something far off in the distance. "But here is the irony of the whole thing. If you're not so lucky, all the seconds mean nothing, just an endless road of living a life that should have been different. That's when you learn about the hellish side of forever."

"Then how do you know what to do, who to choose?" Shane was more confused than before.

"Remember when I said, you can't force love?" Jenny took the last swallow of her cognac and looked at the light through the cut crystal snifter. "You can't make someone love you and you can't make yourself love someone else, no matter how perfect he would be for you."

"So you're saying that love does the choosing?" Shane whispered.

"Very well put!" Jenny smiled. "I've got an idea, ask yourself two questions. First, did you love John the best you could for as long as you could? Second, when you were with John you knew you'd have good times and bad; but were your bad times with him, better than your good times with anyone else? Think about when he proposed to you, and think about now. Can you ask yourself those two questions, about both times in your life, and come up with the same answer?"

"I....don't think I can," Shane looked deep in herself as she leaned on Jenny's desk.

"Then I think you answered your own question," Jenny rubbed Shane's arm as she talked. "Don't worry about forever. Someday a man will come alone, and you won't even remember the word. You'll just know that what you have is good and right. What you are feeling then, will be so much a part of your being that forever is a moot question. Which is a much less sloppy way of saying what I said before."

"Thank you, Dr. Kirkwood," as Shane turned, her elbow knocked over a picture on the Doctor's desk, automatically, the Marine picked it up to put it back where it was. She stared at what she saw. "You really were with the Angry Angels, weren't you?"

"Yup," Jen reached for the picture, but Shane held it firmly in her hand. "We were pretty drunk when that was taken. They took me out for my birthday, last spring."

"I know this woman," Shane pointed to Gloria Collins. "I can't remember her name, but she has a mean right hook and a mouth that causes her to use it on a regular basis."

"Her name is Gloria Collins, and she is,.. was one of my best friends. I gather the two of you had a run in somewhere along the line," Jenny laughed, knowing her friend's habits in the Asteroid Bar.

"When we were in basic, we were stationed at Loxley," Shane thought back to that night in the bar. "It was the night we learned about Tellus and Vesta being destroyed. The Wildcards, were in a bar fight with the Angels, when Chartwell come on with the announcement. I hadn't thought about that in a long time."

Jenny picked up a small velvet Victorian shoe, that was about two inches long. "She gave me this for Christmas last year."

"It's beautiful," Shane reached for the delicate shoe. "It's hard to believe the same woman who we fought with that night, would pick out something so pretty. She always seemed so tough."

"A lot of that was an act." Somehow talking to Shane, made Jenny miss her friend a bit less. "She was a farm girl from Kansas, who had flying in her blood. Would you believe she had a shoe fetish?"

"No way!"

"Oh yes," Jenny took back the little shoe and put it where she had gotten it. "That was the beginning of our friendship. We both loved to do battle at shoe sales."

"I joined the Marines because I wanted to be an Angry Angel," Shane confided. "Would you tell me about this picture."

"That's me, and you know the Colonel, though he was a Major then," Jenny smiled and laughed. "We really were drunk. That's Gloria. I had to hold on to her tightly, she was more interesting in dancing on the table than having this picture taken. Lt. Col. Philip Smyth, commander of the Angels, is standing behind Gloria." Jenny wondered if Shane saw the possessive way Smyth had placed his hands on Gloria's shoulders. "In the back is Webb, McDougall, Watts, Mai-Lee Chin and Person."

"Now there's only the two of you." Shane looked at the picture in her hand and up at Jenny. Maybe it was a trick of the light? No, Shane couldn't be seeing what she thought she was seeing. It was just two slightly drunk people grinning at each other.

"Pardon?" Jenny was caught off guard.

"You and McQueen, the last two Angels," When she was younger, Shane had read everything there was to be found on the 127th. "I remember reading somewhere that once a Marine was an Angry Angel, they're an Angel forever."

"You forget, I'm Navy," Jen smiled, hoping that would end this discussion. "Besides I am a doctor, not a pilot. I was assigned to them as part of an experimental program."

"From this picture it looks like they thought you were very much a part of them," Shane held the picture up for Jenny to take a good look at it.

"For almost a year I was an Angry Angel," Jenny sighed. "If I hadn't been on sick leave, and had gone on the Yorktown with them that last time, then, maybe I would still be one of them." Jenny's voice cracked as she talked to Shane. She was able to tell her things that she couldn't even tell McQueen.

"If you had been on the Yorktown, you'd be dead," Shane pointed out.

"That's been mentioned to me," Jenny spoke quietly. "Ty is the last of the Angry Angel, that's something he deserves. He fought and almost died that night, while I watched from the deck of a sailboat, light years away."

"I think you may have some survivor guilt of your own, Doctor," Shane patted the older woman's shoulder. "And I doubt McQueen would be upset, if you wore the Angel insignia."

"He's already taken me to task, for not doing so." Jenny smiled, remembering Christmas morning. "But he understands, or he wouldn't have let you guys give me a new call sign. He still goes by Queen Six. But he understood that I wasn't Angel-Doc anymore."

"If they tagged you like that," Shane was amazed. "You were an Angel."

"It started out as a joke." Jenny remembered the first night she and Gloria had gone to the Asteroid Bar together. "The Angels had all been in a huge bar fight the night before, even McQueen had joined in," Jen shook her head remembering. "Anyway, Webb tried to come on to me and began calling me Angel. Gloria took exception to it, and the next thing I knew I was dubbed Angel-Doc. Well, the Chigs killed almost all of them, Angel-Doc included." Jenny looked over at Shane, stressing her words. "Now there is only Queen Six. I would appreciate it if none of this conversation left this room."

"Thank you for telling me all this." Shane was beginning to understand that Jenny really did know about grief and learning to deal with it, as well as love. "It helped."

"I had hoped it would, now we both need to get some sleep, or Queen Six will put me through a meat grinder for keeping you up late talking, tonight."

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