On the second morning on the high speed transport vessel, Asjiki, Kylen found lists posted in the Mess during breakfast. She was scheduled for an hour and a half with Aerotech and an additional hour and a half with the Alien Interpretation Unit - the Spooks. She groaned. Kylen had decided to place her trust in Howard and Marine Intelligence. She did not like these other people and it had been more than McQueen's influence on her impressions. They were oily, somehow slimy - wolves in sheep's clothing. This was going to be an ordeal.

After bolting a quick meal, Howard grabbed his coffee and went to see McQueen. McQueen was sullenly picking at his breakfast of cream of wheat and applesauce. He was irritated that no one cared to knock before entering his space no matter who they were.

The two men sized each other up. Howard spoke first. "Well, Colonel you'll be glad to know that I can give the orders to lift the guards."

McQueen was silent. He didn't believe that anyone else at the conference had lived and hadn't been surprised that as the only survivor of the Peace Talks he had been under guard. * "After all, who better to take the fall than an InVitro. "* He had been wondering if he would be court-martialed. The politicos were not adverse to offering up a sacrificial lamb in the face of such an enormous screw up. McQueen had been there before.

Howard continued: "The story has gotten around and there are copies of the video tape in enough powerful hands that we feel that you are no longer considered to be a target."

I hadn't even considered that scenario. - That I had knowledge that many would consider dangerous. - That I could be targeted for assassination. McQueen felt a little foolish.

Howard went on: "With Aerotech slithering around, it was felt best to ensure your protection under the guise of Intelligence. In any case, the cat is out of the bag and the fox is in with the chickens. The Tapes will not be made public - at least not yet, but as I said, enough Brass know what went on in the meeting. People are scrambling, Colonel McQueen. Watch your six. In fact, I was thinking, Sir, until we reach Earth it might be wise to continue the guard. We have been pretty tight on communications on this trip and I don't know who may or may not have gotten the news."

"Thank you for the heads up and your attention in this matter, Major," McQueen offered. " I agree with your assessment. Let's 'Play out the play.' Continue with the guard."

"Colonel McQueen it has been my pleasure. By the way, just to let you know, You will be decorated for your actions, by word of the Commandant himself. The Brass is just trying to figure out which decoration. They are, I understand, debating if this was a combat or non-combat situation." Howard and McQueen both smirked, bemused at the workings of the Top Brass.

"Colonel, May I ask your indulgence in another matter? It concerns Miss Celina, Sir. I was wondering if the Colonel would consent to be present during my afternoon debriefing with her?" McQueen looked quizzically at the Major and gestured for the man to continue.

"Sir, This could serve several purposes. I have observed that Miss Celina is very comfortable with and obviously trusts the Colonel. I was hoping that your presence might help to speed things along. She appears to be one of the most stable and resilient of the survivors. She has a terrific memory, sir, and an eye for detail.
In addition, Colonel, I must tell you that I am privy to your involvement on Kazbek. I've read your reports. You and I both know that we have to mount an operation to take Kazbek and the sooner the better. The resources on planet are far to important to leave in enemy hands. The more intelligence we have the better. You have been there, Sir. You may be able to have questions that I do not. I'm sure your analysis will be helpful." Howard briefly paused. "And finally, with respect, I thought that this would provide a diversion for you, Sir, in lieu of injections of "be-good," he concluded.

McQueen responded. "Well, Major, I must tell you that I'm still on healthy doses of pain killers but they have cut back on the 'Be-Good.' I'll give it a shot. If I burn out I'll let you know."

"With respect, Colonel, may I suggest that you consider letting Miss Celina know - without any details of course - that you were once a POW. She hasn't verbalized any feelings of guilt yet, Sir, but I'm sure that she will sooner or later. It might be helpful if she felt that she didn't have to shade her responses. That you would understand, Sir."

McQueen considered the request for a few seconds. He had to admit that in spite of any personal uneasiness the request made good sense. "I'll consider your request, Major. Let's see how things go. I assume that you have told them as little as possible about the war?"

"Correct"

"Well, then, Major, I'll see you after lunch."

"By your leave, Colonel."

"Yes, Major, dismissed."

After Howard had left McQueen reflected how the knowledge and events of the morning had brought about the return of his rank and courtesy. He felt much more like himself.

Howard spent an unproductive morning. Two hours reviewing reports and two hours attempting to debrief a pitiful young man from Michigan. No Insights or information there. The poor guy undoubtedly had information and wasn't trying to hide anything. He was just too strung out.

Kylen did her best to play stupid - but not too stupid - with Aerotech. The Spooks were tougher. Bobbing and weaving with them was an art form. She told them only the essentials and was sure that they knew she was not exactly forthright.

McQueen rested quietly, marshaling his energy. He had even slept and didn't remember having nightmares. He was the perfect patient for four hours. It was about all he could stand. McQueen's good behavior started to make the nurses almost as nervous as his fits of temper.

After lunch Major Howard picked up an extra orange for Kylen. Her Keeper had told him that she had wolfed her lunch and was going to see McQueen. Howard loved it when a plan came together.

Kylen felt ready to jump out of her skin. McQueen had been correct in his assessment of the Spooks. Those people made her feel somehow soiled, slimy and she had taken another shower after lunch. Anything to calm down. She wanted to be with Nathan. She wanted to be at home and away from these people.
McQueen's instruction: Don't whine. echoed in her ears. But that is exactly what she wanted to do. Kylen went looking for the only home and security she could think of at that moment. She went to see McQueen her hair still wet and wrapped up in a towel.

When she entered McQueen's quarters the nurse was setting up his lunch tray. "I'll do that." Kylen said virtually ordering the nurse from the room. McQueen could see that she had had a brutal morning.

Why me? He sighed to himself. How did I let this happen? Hell, even if I do feel like shit I would be pissed off if she hadn't come to me first if she was troubled. How did I let this happen? Why do we feel this responsibility to one another? Where is a way out of this mess? As he began to eat Kylen began slowly pacing back and forth. Finally, he could not take it anymore.
"Sit," he ordered. "Dry your hair."

Kylen pulled over a chair, put her head down and began to vigorously dry her hair.

"Bad morning?" he asked

"Believe it," the answer.

"Aerotech?" he pressed.

"And the Spooks," she replied as she worked on her hair as if it was an enemy. "Hell, I should just cut all this off." She raised her head and looked him in the eyes. McQueen could tell she was close to the edge.

"Will I ever feel clean again?"
The question startled McQueen. Startled him because he had experienced the same feelings after his liberation.

"Yes, you will. And don't let them make it worse. Don't give them that power over you, Kylen," he said through clenched teeth.

"Bunch-backed toads," she spat, blowing off steam.

"Breeders of dire events," he rejoined.

"Devils that tempt most cunningly." Kylen came back. Colonel McQueen began pushing her. Letting her warm to the game and vent.

He came back. "Living dead men."

Kylen: "Rabble of vile confederates"

McQueen: "Base bondsmen"

Kylen: "Whoresons"

McQueen: "Hell's Black intelligencers."

That one was too good. McQueen knew it and smiled. Kylen was forced to laugh, even if it was slightly bitter. "I can't top that one. Shakespearean insults - real aracana - Truly the pastime of unoccupied minds." She said with some sarcasm.

McQueen was reminded of Wang. Paul had held a passionate devotion to the works of Shakespeare. Paul Wang. A true poet's soul plus a gift for sarcasm. McQueen had been forced to routinely call that young man's mouth into check. They had shared bonds - shared scars. It would hurt for a long time yet.

Kylen saw the change in McQueen and intuitively guessed the reason. "I didn't mean to bring up anything to upset you."

McQueen was going to speak but found that he could not bring himself to tell her about Wang. No, Nathan would have to do that. "It's all right," he said and gave her a small smile. "A lot of the memories are good ones."

"I'll feel clean and you will enjoy Shakespeare again," she comforted. She touched his arm lightly, speaking softly: "Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort As if he mocked himself and scorned his spirit That could be moved to smile at anything."

My God, but she can see inside my soul, McQueen thought and felt himself beginning to blush.

By standing in the anteroom, Howard had been able to watch McQueen and Celina for a few moments. The two seemed to be conversing quietly while a Kylen dried her hair. Again. They seemed an unlikely team at first glance but he had seen stranger alliances formed under pressure. He wondered what they talked about. They had, in the course of less than seventy-two hours, formed a remarkably close bond. Well, it helps when people want to like each other, He reflected.

Howard was also aware that they both would be watching him closely as he probed Kylen's memories. This was part of Intelligence gathering not an investigation. Any hint of aggression from him - if he pushed too hard - They would read it in each other. The two would close ranks taking their cues from one another. McQueen would protect her just as she had protected him. Howard gave the hatch a perfunctory knock and entered the room.

Kylen looked up as he entered. "Yond Howard has a lean and hungry look."

McQueen finished the line. "He thinks too much: such men are dangerous."

Ouch. Things must not have gone well for Celina this morning. McQueen has just given me a warning and he as given her a warning about me as well. Point, McQueen. Howard reflected.

"I gather, Miss Celina, that your morning was not particularly pleasant," Howard said as he offered her an orange he had taken from the Mess. Kylen whirled on him, opened her mouth to speak then thought better of it. She turned back and flounced into the chair.

Howard spoke again: "Miss Celina..Kylen, If it is OK with you I thought we'd just continue our discussion right here. Colonel McQueen has consented."

"Okayyyyy...?" Kylen dragged out her reply, making it a question. What the hell is this all about? she thought.

Howard was a little unsettled by her hesitation. He had thought she would leap at the offer. " We can, of course, go somewhere else. I just thought we could occupy The Colonel this afternoon. He has a professional interest in Kazbek."

"Is that it's name? The planet?" Kylen almost snapped. Occupy the Colonel. Yea, I'll bet, she thought to herself. McQueen had told her to read the details and watch the relationships. They are all so careful not to ask direct questions about the planet - the mine but they all encouraged it's discussion. McQueen has an interest. Howard obviously cleared this with him. What do they really want? She rose and again started to pace. It was obvious that she was pondering something. A thought began to dawn on her. She turned to face the men head on.

"Aerotech and The Spooks ... What are they hiding?"

McQueen and Howard, both trained interrogators, did not betray the fact that their blood pressures had just shot up. Kylen, however, was a paramedic and looked up at McQueen's monitor in time to see that his heart rate had jumped. She looked at his chest and saw that he was controlling his breathing. When she looked back up she saw that his heart rate had returned to normal.
It's true - A man of remarkable self- control.

"It's more than just us, isn't it? - Something much bigger than just 40 survivors," she continued. They did not answer her. "Well, gentlemen, is this tension I'm sensing? Was it something I said?" She threw out, dripping sarcasm: "If this wasn't obviously such a serious thing I'd be tempted to crack a joke right about now."

Howard cleared his throat. "It's called 'Need To Know ', Kylen."

Kylen continued to pace for a few more seconds. She was making up her mind. She felt that the two of them had conspired to pull a fast one on her, But she couldn't see the catch. So far Howard had been honest - more or less. And McQueen did not have a duplicitous nature. Kylen wasn't sure how she knew that fact but she felt it to be the truth She was just sick and tired of being "handled", of being manipulated. *"OK, Gentlemen." * "

"Once more into the breach," she challenged them. She looked into McQueen's eyes. "Sometimes Shakespeare is just too easy." She said to him not caring if Howard heard and understood or not.

"It's life that's hard," McQueen answered closing their private circle.

Kylen had resumed her seat, mollified but not placated. She concentrated on McQueen, "So you were there." A statement of fact. She shot a quick glance at the monitor. The lines were steady and regular. McQueen had schooled himself. She would not catch him again. He did not answer her. It was obvious. Kylen broke off the game of wills. McQueen would never answer her question. It was pointless. But she had one more point she felt she had to know and framed her question carefully.

"Do you think, either of you, that anyone knew where we were?"

Howard spoke immediately. "I can guarantee you that no one in Marine Intelligence had any knowledge of your whereabouts - prior to your seeing the 5-8."

Kylen considered his remark. She believed him but she also heard the veiled implication: Howard could not swear to the fact that others may have known and that those people had withheld that information. It left a very bad taste in her mouth.

Howard and McQueen watched as her expression and demeanor changed. She was ready to talk. Kylen did not wait for Howard to ask any questions. She just started in.

"A number of people weren't sure if the soldiers we saw were real. I only saw Nathan for a few seconds but I knew. I knew," she repeated very quietly. She gave McQueen a little smile he could only describe as triumphant.

McQueen had seen that same absolute knowledge in Nathan. There had been several times that Nathan had just believed - had just known. And when Nathan had been confronted by Kylen's doppleganger - the embodiment of what he had most desired. Nathan had just known that it was false. McQueen himself had also just known. He had experienced that kind of knowledge intimately last Christmas. When he had just known that the Kids were alive. He nodded his understanding. Kylen continued.

"The AIs would never tell us what happened to the soldiers - the marines. They would just say "They're gone." We hoped that they had escaped - that someone would come for us but many people thought that they had been executed. " she stopped momentarily remembering facing the fear the Nathan had been killed. "A few people tried to convince me that I hadn't really seen Nathan ... that I hadn't almost touched him. Other people tried to convince me that he was dead. But I didn't believe that ... I couldn't believe that. I was right wasn't I?"

"Yes, you were right." Howard said by way of prompting her as much as reassuring her.

McQueen could read Howard's double intent and it did not please him so he added: "Nathan was right too, Kylen. He knew that you were alive. He TOLD me you were alive many times." Kylen did not look up but he could see a shy smile play briefly across her face.

Kylen continued. "It is a terrible thing. To have hope that comes to nothing. It sucks out your soul." She held herself rigid. Kylen felt the need to control herself physically in order to strengthen her emotional hold.
"It was ... difficult ... to hear the screams again. They hadn't done it to any of us for months ..."

"They hadn't interrogated any of you for months?" Howard asked.

"They hadn't tortured any of us," she corrected bitterly looking at Howard as if he were a simpleton.

"Go on," prompted McQueen.

Kylen shook her head 'no' and looked down at her hands in her lap. She was distantly aware of how dreadful up her hands looked. She unconsciously moved them under her legs to hide them.
"Look, they never got around to me, all right?" she reacted defensively. "But I ... heard enough. Saw the results. There was enough other stuff ..." She sat like a statue staring into her lap. She could not bring herself to look at either man. She had not anticipated that she would still feel the loss. She was confused and anxious. She felt like a fraud. It was all so embarrassing and somehow shameful.

Howard and McQueen knew that she was retreating into herself. McQueen caught Howard's eye. He nodded once to the Major who nodded the affirmative.
All right, Colonel, play your hand, he thought.

McQueen spoke very evenly. "Kylen, I asked you the other day what you had learned in prison. I asked you what the rules were." She nodded yes.

"Kylen, you survived. You will not embarrass yourself and you won't embarrass us either. I don't think that anything you say will shock me. I learned those same rules," he said. McQueen felt her embarrassment and knew that she felt somehow ashamed about events over which she had had no control. He paused, weighing the cost of the truth. He could maintain his privacy or he could ease her discomfort. McQueen decided to take the leap. He caught Howard's eye and jerked his head toward the door. I'm willing to talk to her about this but not you, buddy, he thought.

Howard picked up on what was clearly an order and left the room without a word.

"Kylen," McQueen called quietly. She would not look at him.

"Kylen," he repeated, calling her back into the present.

"I had to learn those same rules," he said again. "I was held - a prisoner - eight years ago ... a POW ... The AIs ..." She held up her hand to silence him, nodding her understanding and sparing him the need to continue. The room was still.

Kylen peered up at McQueen through her hair, half hidden behind the curls. She knew instinctively what that admission had cost him. I wonder if eight years from now I'll be able to say that?

"I was held - a prisoner," she repeated his words. I don't believe that I could be as generous as he is. Slavery is soul destroying. Kylen had seen scars on McQueen's chest and back. She hadn't really thought about them before. They were old scars. He was a warrior. It had fit. But now they took on a new meaning. Her memory was filled with the sounds of the torture - of people screaming. She had seen and heard AI handiwork. She had bit her lip until it bled at that time and she found that she was biting it again. She could not separate this man she so admired from the screams in her head.

"Will you excuse me for a moment," she mumbled and quietly rose, abstracted, stiff and oddly formal. She walked to the small sink, her back to the man. She locked her hands around the smooth stainless steel edges, her knuckles white. She felt a few small tears, hot on her cheeks. Kylen leaned forward and promptly lost her lunch.

Kylen had not shed a tear in more than six months. She had trained her emotions. She leaned her forehead against the mirror above the sink. It felt cool. She turned on the water and washed the remains of her lunch down the drain.
If I can get this cleaned up then I won't think about the screams. They will go away and I won't see the scars anymore if I can get this cleaned up, she thought, knowing it to be irrational. She was momentarily stuck emotionally and could see no way out.

McQueen watched in silence This is like watching a car wreck. I know that it is wrong to look but I just can't stop myself. This is were I'm supposed to say something profound and comforting, but I can't think of a damn thing to say. I never have been able to come up with what to say. It drove Amy nuts. Everything I say sounds hollow to me. Things I've tried to say to West, Vansen, ... Wang, Hawkes, ... and even Vanessa when they had come to me...needed me ... The things I tried to say all came up short. Hell, even Glen... McQueen was relieved that he couldn't get out of the bed. Relieved that he didn't have to decide whether to try and comfort her with his touch. Glad that he was unable approach her.

Kylen controlled her tears. "This was what you were trying to tell me...... Not just how their questions would make me remember but what they would do to my insides."

Her reaction was more than the horrific memories - the fears. She realized that she had spent months building walls and concocting methods of processing her feelings - an almost abstract method of dealing with things. None of which had any value anymore. Kylen had been so sure to always hang onto herself and now she felt that she was loosing her parameters. Loosing those things that had held her together. She had spent all her energy to cultivate a way of living that no longer had any meaning. I have no purpose - no definition. Kylen didn't know how she was going to build a new life.

"It's what you wanted to tell me on the transport, isn't it?" she asked talking into the mirror where she could see half of his face reflected. She wasn't sure she could stand to look him full in the face at that moment. She saw him nod at her reflection.

It filled McQueen with a deep sorrow. It is a terrible thing to go through. What Wang and I lived through and with.... But we had understood the risk and had received training - as inadequate as it was. No one can truly train you to face it. But this kid had been totally unprepared.

McQueen thought, And what I won't tell you, Kylen, is that you will carry this with you wherever you go; wherever you are for the rest of you life. I am so sorry, Kylen. So very, very sorry but I can't make it go away. No matter what any of us says or does to help you, in the final analysis you have to make your own way through. It made him feel sick inside.

Kylen began to wash her hands and face. She began to recite in a quiet voice. "The Thane of Fife had a wife. Where is she now? What, will these hands ne'er be clean? No more o' that, my lord, no more o' that."

McQueen felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Is she loosing it? He held himself absolutely still. Lady Macbeth. Never in a million years would he have anticipated Kylen saying those words. What does this signal? This is a dangerous, dangerous thing and it's going from bad to worse. How do I get out of this? How do I get her out of this?

"Kylen," he said firmly. "Shakespeare is easy." It was not an invitation or a diversion. He was using their code to call her into order. He watched as she finished washing. She finally reached for a towel and after drying her face she finally responded.

"It's life that's hard." She said looking up again at his half reflection in the mirror. Mirror, Mirror, she thought." It's OK, McQueen, I'm here." Kylen took in a deep breath and turned to face him. "You aren't going to let me hide in words are you?"

"Now is not the time to hide, Kylen."

"Oh, it looks pretty good to me." She answered with an ironic laugh. McQueen waited for a few seconds then replied.

"It's not. I know this. Black thoughts grow best in the dark. Whatever is inside your head will march around up there and take over if you don't take control."

"And you'll now tell me that I can learn from this and go forward?" she asked bitterly.

"All I can tell you is that is what I did, Kylen."

"And what did you learn, Colonel ?"

"What I learned probably will not help you at all, Kylen. Its something I think you already know." McQueen paused, took a deep breath and continued.

"Tanks are taught that their lives have no meaning - no worth. That we are cheap and without value. I used to wait to die ... Knowing it would be soon ... All my life waiting to be the next one to die. You don't really live when that is your expectation. You just take up space. ... But you know that ... When I was a prisoner... When I was tortured ... I learned that life is valuable and more importantly I learned that I wanted to live. For the first time I really cared about having a life. Of doing more than just surviving. And I cared about what I would do with my life. How I would live it."

His thoughts had come out of his mouth fully formed. McQueen knew that he had never been conscious of them before. He had spoken a realization that he had never before put into words. He had spoken a central truth of his being for the first time.

Kylen remained silent and considered his story. McQueen was correct; it was something that she knew only too well - Life is valuable. "I did something ... something that I can't let go of." She admitted. " You'll think that it's stupid but it's always right behind me. I sometimes dream about it and I wake up sweating."

"Tell me." Not that McQueen wanted to know; in truth, he did not. He really didn't want his own memories fanned back into life. Unfortunately, It was all he could offer her at the moment.

Kylen took a step forward. She stood gripping the rail at the end of his bed and weighed what he had said about black thoughts. She had never told this to anyone. Not to any of the other colonists and she knew that she would never tell anyone in her family. But it was a weight she wanted lifted. *" He might understand. I'll keep it short and sweet. Get it out fast."*

"It was the second day after the crash ... A bunch of us came back to the site... we had run into the hills - had gotten away. But we came back to see if anyone else was alive and to see if we could get any supplies. The Chigs - that's what you call them right?
McQueen nodded yes
The Chigs were gone. There were still fires burning. Fuel for our equipment I guess. We hung our ID tags on a tree for rescuers to find. I guess no one ever found them."

That's not true, Kylen, Nathan found them, McQueen thought but he did not interrupt her story.

"I was over on the North side looking for supplies. There weren't many bodies there.
McQueen noted how her voice cracked when she said 'bodies.' There was no way she could have been prepared for the carnage of the crash.) <ü> "I was in the brush. I had found a few things and a whole box of freeze dried food." She had a small smile remembering her success. "I was carrying the stuff back when I found it." She stopped momentarily and took in a few deep breaths. "The Chig. It was wounded. From one of the secondary explosions after we crashed I guess. It was oozing green stuff from a lot of cuts through the armor ," she gestured. "Colonel you know what was strange? I knew what it wanted."

"Do you mean telepathically?" he whispered.

"No," she continued thoughtfully. " You know how people who don't speak the same language can still sometimes communicate....basic things.... Hot, cold, thirst, sleep ... Things like that.

"I understand," McQueen said softly hoping to get her back on track.

"It held out its hand ... It asked me to help." McQueen's face remained unchanged but he felt himself swallow ... hard.

"Did it have a weapon?" McQueen asked softly. Kylen shook her head no and went on.

"With its other hand it was holding one of the tubes to its helmet. I could see little jets of gas leaking out."

My God,Forty-eight hours trying to hold your respirator together ...hoping that it wouldn't fail. Waiting to suffocate. No wonder it was asking for help.

"I sat down and watched it. I didn't help. I sat there and watched the gas leak out. Just sat there as it tried to hold the tubes together. It couldn't anymore....It was too weak... I just watched the gas escape......a white mist.....I just looked into it's face ....Into it's mask... until... I don't know how long it took. It seemed to take forever..... Finally it died. It was like I was outside of myself watching it happen."

"You couldn't treat its wounds, Kylen," he offered, sensing her feeling of guilt. "You couldn't have fixed his equipment."

"But I didn't even try. I didn't raise a finger and because I didn't, I killed it...And I was glad....satisfied when it died. .......When I allowed it to die." Her voice breaking, barely controlled she added: "I spat in it's face after. Then I picked up the food and things and walked back to the group. Two days later...I was watching from the rocks....They came back. I watched them take the dead one into the cave. We found the grave later. The Chigs captured five of us that day."

"Kylen, they had just shot down your vessel. They had murdered your f riends," McQueen said. He was only able to understand her feeling of guilt because she said it was what she felt. He understood but he could not identify with the concept of an act of mercy to a Chig left undone.

"That's one of the things that makes it so bad.... I was the same as they were. But the thing that I can't get out of my head......What I dream about..... If I had helped it ... If It had seen that we were just colonists...just people....that I might have changed their minds. They might have treated us better..... They might have let us go."

McQueen could see that for her this was a horrifying possibility ... one he had never considered. "I don't know, Kylen, It could have happened that way but it is equally likely that It would have killed you. It is impossible to follow their train of thought. Just when you think they are being honorable they change. This I know to be true," and he pointed to the space where his right leg should have been, "In eighteen months I've only heard of one compassionate act from a Chig" He briefly thought of the inexplicable transmissions about the Comet that someone had sent to the 5-8.

"Maybe." It was all she could concede at the moment. "Thanks for listening. Maybe I'll start to feel better. Colonel McQueen could you please do me a favor? Could you please tell Major Howard for me. I think I can answer questions about it if he asks, but I really don't want to tell that story again. I'll never tell it."

"I'll take care of Howard. Never say never, Kylen. West will understand. You have your family. They will comfort you ... But you are right its probably best if you never tell them," he told her.

"I know that you don't tell your family everything.....no soldier does," she said.

"I don't have a family," he said

"What about your wife?" Kylen asked before she could think better of it.

McQueen was instantly furious at her invasion of his privacy. It showed on his face.

Kylen tried to back pedal. "I saw her picture when I helped you repack your musette bag."

McQueen was chastened and regretted his flare-up even though he had managed to hold his tongue. "Ex-wife," he said. "No, I didn't tell her everything," he admitted, wanting to cover his momentary loss of control.

"You still in love with her?" Kylen asked.

McQueen looked vaguely surprised at her question. No one had ever asked him. He had to think for a second. He knew then that his hesitation meant that, indeed, he was no longer in love with Amy. McQueen looked up at Kylen. He knew that he had loved Amy the best way that he knew how to at the time. But McQueen knew that the love he had felt was not same type of love that Nathan felt for Kylen. The type of love - a way of loving - that it appeared she returned to Nathan. He had never had that totality - that absolute certainty. He had always been afraid. Afraid he would do something wrong. Afraid that Amy would regret it. Afraid that it would end. And it had.

He shook his head no. "I don't think so."

"So you keep this picture to remind you..... of what?" Kylen pushed gently.

McQueen looked at her blankly. He knew why he had kept the photograph. But he wasn't willing to share the reasons with Kylen. It had to do with holding on to a moment of happiness. It had to do with beating addictions. And it had to do with reminding himself not to leave himself open again. It had become a form of self discipline ... to look at that picture every day. He doubted that Kylen would understand even if he would choose to tell her ... which he did not.

"That was presumptuous of me, McQueen. I apologize," she said, ending the topic.

"Have you heard from your family?" McQueen asked to keep things moving.

"Yes," she smiled openly. Relieved to be off of the sore subject of his ex-wife. "The whole fam damnly. All eight of them will be there when I get home." She noted McQueen's wonderment at such a large family. Though encouraged after the plague, it was still unusual. "My parents took "replenish the Earth" seriously," she chuckled. "There is Christian, Aislen, the twins: Connor and Ewan. Then Me. I'm the middle child. After me there is Emrys, then the second twins Eithne and Allston - girl and boy, then the baby Bridgid - Bridee. Five brothers - three sisters and me. Total. We are a real team. Very close."

"Well, You'll be surrounded by people who love you. It won't solve everything but it can make your life easier." McQueen offered. I can't even imagine such a family. Hell, I can only remember three of the names she rattled off.

Kylen thought of her brothers and sisters. Her father. She began to feel weepy again. She wanted to see her family. To be at home.

McQueen saw her change and offered her and himself a way out of more emotional displays. "Why don't you take a few minutes for yourself. I'll tell Howard to meet us here in a half hour or so."

"Thanks," Kylen replied her voice tight with emotion. She left the room.

Almost immediately after Kylen had left, Howard reentered. "Aerotech and the Spooks? She doesn't miss much does she?" said Howard.

McQueen gave a rather contemptuous snort. "She reads much; she is a great observer, and she looks quite through the deeds of men," he paraphrased.

"In faith," Howard countered honestly. "That was a dicey piece of business."

"Did you notice the wet hair?" asked McQueen

"Obsessive/compulsive? A bit early to tell but I've already sent word to the counselors to monitor that," Howard admitted.

"Did she tell you about the Chig, Major?"

"What Chig?" Howard inquired

"She believes that she killed one."

"Holy shit. She never said ... Really? Holy Shit."

"A straggler, separated from it's squad evidently. Obviously wounded in one of the secondary explosions after the crash. It was down, dying. She found it. It's breathing pack was leaking and it was trying to put it back together. It saw her and gestured for help. She sat down and watched the gas leak out ... She just sat back and looked it in the face watching the gas leak out until it stopped moving."

"My God in heaven," Howard whispered This is one tough little kid.

"There is a lot she has to come to grips with, Major. And God is part of it. She still wants to feel forgiven." The two men were quiet for a while.

"Have a seat." McQueen finally spoke. "Do you play poker? She will be gone for a while, Major. Get ready when she comes back she'll tell you more and faster than you are ready to write. There's a lot of water behind that dam. But hear this, Howard, I hold you responsible. If you allow anyone to damage her spirit, I'll find you."

"Colonel McQueen, If anyone damages her spirit, Sir, You'll be able to find the way there by looking for my taillights. They will be so far up that sorry SOB's butt the red light will shine out of their ears. Cut the cards."

Kylen had placed her hand against the bulkhead to steady herself as she made her way down the passageway. She ducked into an empty anteroom two doors away and began to cry. McQueen's nurse had heard the muffled sobs and quietly entered the room.

"Come here, baby," she said softly and took the young woman into her arms. Kylen clung to the nurse and sobbed with a violence that shocked them both. She let Kylen cry for a few minutes without comment, until she calmed.

"Did they push too hard or did they hit a nerve?" the nurse gently demanded handing Kylen more Kleenex.

"Nerve." Kylen explained.

"Want me to tell them to forget it?"

"No, I want to get this over with."

"OK, It's probably best in the long run. There is stuff in the cabinet there to wash your face. Lay down for a few minutes and I'll tell them you'll be back ten mikes." As the nurse turned to go Kylen grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek.

The nurse was a full commander, accustomed to all the rights and privileges due her rank. She was equal in rank to McQueen and she, in fact, ranked him in length of service and by virtue of the fact that he was in the med bay.
Here, she was only outranked by God himself. She would allow the debriefing to continue because it was probably best for the girl but she was going to make damn sure that everyone knew who was in charge. She burst through the door in McQueen's room. Stomped to the bed and slammed a box of Kleenex down on the table with a satisfying thwack. Howard leapt to his feet. McQueen met the "attack" with more equanimity but knew that she could make him pay if she so chose.

She gave her orders: " She will be back in about ten minutes. She wants to get this over with. Just watch it you two. Major, I know you've got a bottle somewhere or you know someone who does. Now far be it for an R.N. to suggest using alcohol as a sedative but I think that it might be a pleasant gesture if you were to offer the young lady a small - and I underline small - beverage when you are through. I WILL be checking in on The Colonel - and the girl - during the afternoon."

She left, stopping briefly in her quarters before returning to Kylen. She entered the room and handed Kylen a brush and a bottle of perfume.

"Never go into battle without checking all your weapons, baby." It made Kylen laugh and she quickly brushed her hair and put on a little perfume. It was something she had almost forgotten and it smelled so good it almost made her cry again. She handed the things back to the nurse.

"I used to have nice hands," she said self-consciously.

"And you will, again. They will heal and your spirit will heal too," the Commander said. She walked Kylen back to the debriefing. "Now, remember you are a bright, strong, attractive young woman with two high powered Marine officers waiting to hang on your every word." She kissed Kylen on the cheek and sent her into the room. The nurse went to put her things away wishing that she had a shot of Bourbon for herself. She felt like she needed one as well.

T O P S E C R E T

ASJIKI

TO USMC HDQRTS DEPARTMENT OF INTELLIGENCE

PERSONAL FROM MAJOR HOWARD USMC TO GENERAL RADFORD USMC.

Dear General:

1. Memory problems: Many of the colonists have stated that it seemed that the AIs were starting to "forget" things. Names, dates, words to songs. I first attributed this to Psychological warfare. But now I don't think that may be the case. I think that they have been in situations where they couldn't wait for the modems to kick in - where they have been having to actually download info from each other. They may be running out of Memory. In any case they aren't communicating as smoothly. We are obviously continuing in this line of questioning.

2. Breakdown: The AIs have few or no spare parts. Several have broken down all together.
Chig technology doesn't work for the AIs - Bioengineering. We need to pass the word that AIs are going to be desperate for anything that can be modified to suit their purposes. Most of the POWs mention a sharp decrease in the number of AIs manning the mine after the removal of the 5-8. These units were never replaced. We know that McQueen and his squadron terminated 5 units inside the complex and approximately 15 on the ground. The AIs weren't able to effect repairs.

3. Personnel: Martin Aalto Guilio. You must meet with him ASAP.

General, I think that Kylen Celina knows that she has valuable information. She just doesn't yet appreciate what we find valuable. Her fiance, who I believe you have met, is Nathan West and is part of McQueen's 58th. Interestingly enough Celina and McQueen seem to have developed a real personal bond. Not unusual given the circumstances but rather unusual given McQueen's temperament. As you are aware, I conducted the second portion of her interrogation in his presence. I'd like to make his whereabouts known to her, Sir. It is imperative that she trust us. She has developed a real antipathy towards Aerotech and the Alien Interp. Unit. We could still be colored with the same brush if we aren't circumspect in her handling. Celina is a remarkably resilient individual, strong willed and apparently stable. I've taken the liberty of scheduling a meeting between yourself and Celina day after tomorrow on your first afternoon with us. Let me know if you want this time changed.

Looking forward to continuing this discussion in person,
Best regards,
Barton Howard.

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