Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "SPACE: Above and Beyond" are the creations of Glen Morgan and James Wong, Fox Broadcasting and Hard Eight Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. Dylan Mackenzie belongs to me. Rating: NC-17

Chapter 4. Dill woke up when, after rolling over, she discovered that the lean, lithe body she'd expected to find next to her in the bed wasn't there. She reached further, coming fully awake as she realised it wasn't just that he'd moved to the edge of the bed as he sometimes did, but that he wasn't there at all. Peering at the clock in the dark she could see that it was still early - 2 am. She lay for a little while waiting for him to come back from the bathroom trip she imagined he was making. When he hadn't returned by ten past, according to the clock, she threw back the covers, and grabbing a t-shirt from the drawer and pulling it on, went to look for him. The house was in darkness, and as she wandered into the kitchen, Dill glanced through the door into the garden. There, sitting on a chair, wearing nothing more than a frown, Ty sat, peering out at the flowing river, looking for all the world like a marble statue as the moonlight reflected on his pale skin. She stood and watched him for a moment before returning to their bedroom to fetch him some clothes. As Dill stepped through the doorway into the garden, she could almost feel the fear emanating from him. She sighed, knowing that something was wrong as she walked over to him. She was amazed at how still he was, not turning to face her even though she knew he'd heard her approach. "Ty?" she inquired. "I brought you some clothes; you must be cold sitting there." He still didn't move, until she put her hand on his shoulder. Then he was up, and before she knew it, her arm was being forced up her back as he held her close and hissed in her ear, "I know what you are. I saw Kylen on Kazbek, and you can't fool me!" "You're hurting me!" Dill cried, struggling against him and dropping the clothing she held. She was frightened despite herself. "Ty, please!" "How do you know my name? Tell me, or I'll break it!" he growled, pushing her arm further up her back. "Because you're my husband." Dill gasped back sobs of pain. "Ty, please… I don't know who or what you think I am, but it's me - Dill. I swear." "I'm divorced; your intel is out of date." The pressure increased on her arm until she could barely breathe through the pain. Dill was certain he'd break her arm, and probably her neck too, if she couldn't bring him out of the nightmare she was sure he was trapped in. "The boys, Ty… think about the boys. Cameron and his Cashus. Hamish and his blankie," she groaned as the pressure stopped just for a second. "Do you remember seeing them born? You told me you'd never dreamt that you could feel love like that. Izzy, Ty, remember her? That little roly-poly daughter of yours. The one you were playing with today, nibbling her toes. Remember?" Dill cried out as the pressure increased again. "It's not true," McQueen growled. "Get out of my head. You can't make me believe it!" "I'm not in your head, Ty," she squealed, as he slowly applied more pressure. "Please, Ty. My arm's going to break, and that's the one with my pokey finger!" Dill didn't know why she said it. It seemed such a stupid thing to say in the circumstances, but as she said it, the pressure decreased. "Your pokey finger?" Ty whispered. "Oh, god," she moaned, as the pain receded. "Yes, my lover, my pokey finger. Please. Let me go. You're hurting me, and I know you'll regret it afterwards." It was the wrong thing to say. Her arm shot up her back again as he gripped her tighter. Dill let out a scream, only to find his hand clamped over her mouth. "Try screaming now, chiggy spooge," McQueen whispered. She bit him hard; his hand left her mouth long enough for her to cry. "I'm not a chig. Cut me, watch me bleed. I bleed red, not green." "Good idea," he growled. "I'll cut your throat." McQueen began dragging her towards the house. * Way to go, girl * Dill thought. * Your husband's gone psycho, and you encourage him to kill you. * When they reached the door, he hoisted her into his arms. Still gripped so tightly she could barely breathe, Dill found herself flung down onto the kitchen table with her beloved husband leaning over her, a knife to her throat. She stared up into his eyes, seeing the terror in them, knowing it must mirror the terror in her own. For a brief second she closed hers, trying to compose herself, knowing that she was about to die. She opened them as she felt the pressure of the knife on her throat, determined that she wouldn't be afraid; that if she was going to die at the hands of the man she loved, she would at least be looking at him when he killed her. "I'm sorry, Ty," she whispered, as she felt the first slice on her throat. Tears of pain came into her eyes, blurring her vision, before suddenly the knife was gone, clattering to the floor, and she was being pulled up, clutched to Ty like a rag doll. "Dill!" he cried, cradling her in his arms. "It is you. You are real!" "Ty?" she whispered, not sure what was going on, just glad to be still alive. "I'm sorry, Dill… I'm so sorry!" He carried her upstairs to their bathroom, not caring how much noise he made as he laid her down on the floor and began searching for the medical kit. Finally he ran for his sea bag, and dragging it back with him, emptied it onto the floor before rummaging for the kit he always carried. Kneeling beside her, tears streamed down his face as he cleaned the wound on her throat. "It's not deep. I saw the blood and saw what I was doing to you." He hung his head. "I'm sorry, Dill. I'm dangerous. You should never have married me." Dill reached out to him, her hand on his arm. "Ty, it's alright. Really." "I nearly killed you!" he cried. "How can that be alright!" "Why?" she asked him. "What happened with Kylen on Kazbek?" For a second he looked at her fearfully, then his eyes wandered to the blood on her throat. "How… how do you know about that?" he whispered. "You told me. You said you'd seen Kylen on Kazbek. " Dill tried to sit up. Ty took her in his arms and carried her to their bedroom, lying her down on the bed and climbing in next to her, holding her in his arms, his whole body trembling as he spoke. "West thought it was Kylen, but it wasn't. It was some… some ...construct. A chig… something… but he shot it and it turned to spooge there at our feet. I thought you were one of those." "Why? Why did you think I was one of those?" Dill asked, her hand reaching to her throat. She could feel blood running down. "I think this needs a dressing, Ty." "I'll get Moira," he whispered. "No, you do it, and tell me what happened," she told him, deciding that she needed to take charge. Ty was in no fit state to be interrogated by her mother. "Okay, Dill," he whispered, his eyes filling with tears again. He got up from the bed, reluctant to let go of her, and went to fetch a dressing from his med kit. Sitting on the bed beside her, he securely wrapped her throat before pulling her up into his arms, sobbing into her neck, "I nearly killed you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much, and I nearly killed you." "Tell me, Ty. Tell me what happened. Were you having a nightmare?" He nodded. "Yes," he whispered. "A bad one." "Let's lie down and you can tell me about it," Dill told him. "Come on - lie down." Ty laid her back down and snuggled up next to her, his whole body trembling again, as she reached to pull the covers up. "Now, tell me," she ordered. "I dreamt I was back with the AI's. They were torturing me, feeding me drugs and giving me false memories," Ty sobbed as he told her. "I dreamt that we were at the beach; you, me and the little guys. I was playing with them, building sandcastles for them to run through and kick over with their little feet. I remember thinking how much I loved those little brown feet… how happy I was. You were rubbing sunscreen into my back, massaging me while the boys played. We were almost having sex right there in front of the boys. It was a good dream. I was really aroused by it, by the feel of your hands. Then I woke up and they were laughing at me. I was tied naked to a table and an Elroy was massaging me, making me hard, asking me if I'd like more happy families… did I really believe a tank like me deserved such a life… that all I deserved was to be fucked by AI's like him." He stopped and buried his head into her shoulder, his whole body racked with sobs. "I'm sorry, Dill." She held him close, pulling his head to her breast, offering him her nipple, but he pulled away. "I don't deserve that," he whispered. "You need it," she told him. "Now relax and when you're ready, carry on." She lay there, stroking his head as he suckled her breast, feeling the tenseness in his body retreating at the familiar comfort. "That really happened, Ty. I remember that day; it was lovely. We were at Glen's beach house. We spent the whole day on the beach. The boys exhausted themselves and went to bed early…" She stopped as Ty's mouth left her nipple. "Did we make love out on the terrace?" he whispered. "Oh, yes - three times, as I recall. And boy did you ride my pokey finger," Dill chuckled. "I think we conceived Izzy that night." "In my dream I woke up to find that your pokey finger was Elroy fucking me. I was tied face down to the table and spread-eagled across it." "Hang on," she said, confused. "You dreamed that you had a dream?" "Yes. I was having this perfect day, ending in some wonderful lovemaking with you, and I woke up to find that it was the AI's feeding me false memories and doing stuff to me. Just like they did in real life. And then I really woke up, and I didn't know which was the dream - the perfect day or the AI's. I was convinced the beach was the dream, and that they were doing it again. I had to get away. I didn't want Elroy touching me again!" McQueen began to shake again, the terror plain to hear in his voice. "Okay, time to relax again," Dill told him, pulling his head to her breast again. This time he took it eagerly; desperate for the comfort it gave him. After a few minutes Ty stopped. "When you came out into the garden, I thought they'd sent you - that it was a trick. I knew I couldn't have a family… a wife. How could I? I couldn't have a child. That's why my wife divorced me. So you had to be some evil device of theirs, sent to torment me even further. Look what I did to you - I nearly killed you. How can you ever forgive me? I'm dangerous; it's not safe for the children to be around me," he whispered. "You would never hurt the children, Ty. Never. It's not in you to hurt innocent children; even if they're chig children, you couldn't do it." "We bombed their home world," her husband whispered. "But you didn't kill any children with your bare hands, did you?" Dill asked him reasonably. "No, but …" "No buts, Tyrus McQueen. You know it as well as I do. So stop it. These things happen in times of war. It doesn't mean you've turned into a child killer." "What if I'm losing my mind?" McQueen whispered fearfully. "This isn't the first dream like this I've had… the first time it's happened." "It isn't?" "No. I had one like it on the 'Toga," he sighed. "I fell asleep in Glen's quarters after coming back from a mission. He was playing his guitar and I nodded off. I dreamt about the time Hawkes and I came to Scotland… the day you took us for that walk up the mountain and Hawkes got excited because he saw a red squirrel. We were holding hands, you and me, and you kept kissing me whenever Hawkes was looking away. In fact, you kept saying to him, 'oh look, another squirrel!'. I woke up to find that Elroy and Felicity were laughing at me, telling me I had no friends. No one who loved me, no one who wanted me for more than a quick fuck. Felicity was sucking me off and Elroy was fucking me so hard my whole body was shaking." Ty paused. "Only it wasn't Elroy - it was Glen." "Glen was fucking you?" "No. He was shaking me because I was crying out in my sleep. It took him a long time to convince me it was really him - that he was a real person, not some figment of my imagination. But at least I didn't try to kill him. I saved that particular horror for you." "It's alright, Ty. I understand. What matters is that you didn't kill me. You trusted me enough to believe that it really was me." "Only after I almost sliced your throat open," Ty whispered, reaching to gently touch her bandaged throat. "And who opened her mouth and said 'cut me'? How stupid can I get?" Dill asked. "I still love you, Ty. It doesn't change a thing, and I want you to know that." "I don't deserve you," he whispered, tears falling again. "Yes, you do. You've been to hell and back, to get where you are today. The very least you deserve is what everyone else expects to come naturally. Happiness. A family that loves and adores you. A wife who understands you… knows that you can't help these dreams… that you're not yourself when you have them. I could feel your fear, Ty, when I went into the garden. But it didn't stop me. I needed to help you… I wanted to help you. And do you know why?" Ty didn't speak, but Dill felt his head shake against her shoulder. "Because I love you, Ty, and I couldn't let you go through it again alone. I'm prepared to take whatever you dish out in a situation like that, because I love you." She felt his body tremble again at her words. "Easy, Ty, easy," she whispered, hugging him close. "I was prepared to die tonight because I knew you couldn't help yourself." "But you shouldn't have to put up with it," he whispered. "And neither should you. But you do. And so will I. And, no doubt, so will the children." "The children," Ty whispered. "They'll grow up thinking their father is deranged." "No they won't. They might wonder where I got the bruises from, and my arm and shoulder are going to ache like hell tomorrow, and heaven knows what mother will say, but I can explain it. What matters is that I love you. I won't leave you because of it. Never forget that." "I love you so much, Dill," he told her, reaching up to stroke her face, a small smile flitting across his own. Dill took his hand. His left hand. "Ty, where's your ring?" He pulled his hand away and buried his head in her shoulder, muffling his words. "I don't know. I remember seeing it, thinking it was another trick of the AI's. I took it off… I think I threw it away. I'm sorry, Dill. It was a beautiful ring. I'm sorry." She sighed. "It's okay. It was only a ring. I can find you another." "It wasn't only a ring, Dill. It was my wedding ring… a ring that you gave to me. It was special. It had meaning to me… and I threw it away," Ty told her mournfully. "Throwing your wedding ring away is nothing compared to waking up to find you've killed your wife," Dill reminded him. "On balance, I'm glad it was the ring and not me." "Since you put it that way, so am I," Ty chuckled. Relieved to hear the small laugh, Dill smiled. "Come on now, my lover. I think we both need to get some sleep. I don't know about you, but I feel like I've been trampled by a herd of elephants." McQueen shuffled up the bed, kissing her shoulder and her ear. "I need more than sleep, Dill. Please, let me show you how much I love you. Please, I need to feel you… to feel myself inside you. Please." "Oh, Ty," she sighed, as his hot breath blew gently in her ear. "You shouldn't. You should sleep." "Please, Dill," he pleaded, as he began licking at her collarbone, his tongue gently tracing across her shoulders and down between her breasts. She gasped as he nipped at a nipple and she felt his hand slip between her thighs. "How can I say no when you ask so nicely?" she mumbled, her hips thrusting into his hand. His fingers plunged deep inside her as his head slipped lower and lower down her body, softly kissing and licking his way to her navel, swirling his tongue around it's edge before dipping inside whilst blowing his hot breath softly across it. Ty smiled as her hands gripped his head, pushing his face into her softly curling pubic hair. "Do it, Ty," Dill moaned. "My pleasure," her husband whispered, as his tongue flicked across her moist core. He removed his fingers and thrust his tongue inside her instead, making her cry out and buck upwards into his face. Using just his tongue, he had her in a frenzy of writhing and bucking, begging him to fuck her, before he finally moved to push himself deep inside her hot, wet centre. Pushing hard and fast as the sensations of her body around his rigid throbbing cock brought him quickly to an orgasm, and he collapsed on top of her, gasping for breath. Still hard inside her, he began to pump again, this time far more forcefully. Gripping her shoulders to stop her moving her orgasm was intensified by his speed and she cried out. Still he didn't stop. Pounding away at her faster and faster, the headboard banged against the wall. His breath was shallow with the effort, his eyes tightly closed as he forced himself deeper and deeper, until grabbing her he flipped her over and pulled her up towards him, entering her from behind so that he could penetrate her as deeply as possible. Dill gripped the headboard, bracing herself as he pounded away, unsure quite what was wrong. But she knew something was, as he continued to mindlessly pump away at her, his cock rubbing on her clit, stimulating her again to the point of frenzy as she began thrusting backwards onto him. Ty's hands gripped Dill's hips, steadying her and holding her still, as he leant down to whisper in her ear, "Take it!" Not sure what he meant, she reached to massage his testicles, but he slapped her hand away. "No," he moaned, withdrawing from her and once again flipping her over. This time though he positioned himself so that he could fuck her mouth. Dill's eyes widened as Ty thrust into her, forcing her to take his whole length at one go. Ignoring her gagging, he pounded into her mouth until he came, with a body shuddering orgasm that filled her throat and spilled out of her mouth. He dripped over her chin as he withdrew and slumped down onto the bed, his chest heaving as he tried to get his breath back. Wiping her mouth, she sat up and stared at him. "What the hell was that about?" " What?" he asked, bewildered. "That! Flinging me about, practically suffocating me, that's what." Dill saw the fear flash across his face and sighed. "You were making sure it was really me, weren't you? Seeing if it was another dream?" Ty nodded and turned away from her, his voice low. "I'm sorry, Dill. I couldn't help myself." Dill kissed his shoulder, holding him as he flinched away from her. "It's okay, baby. I understand, I think. Now roll back over this way and let me hold you. I think you're in more need of a cuddle than I am." Ty rolled to lie on his back and looked up at her, his eyes glistening with tears. "Why do you always say its okay? It's not okay for me to hurt you. I nearly slit your throat, and you tell me its okay." He rolled into her open arms and sobbed against her chest. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to control it. I can't keep on like this, Dill. When it happens on the 'Toga, I'm alone and I don't hurt anyone. But here I hurt you, and I can't bear it anymore." "First of all, you're going to get some rest. I just realised you've been running about on that leg without your crutches. Let's hope you haven't damaged it! And in the morning we'll get you someone to talk to." Dill lifted McQueen's head to look into his eyes. "The time has come for you to offload it, Ty. I know you don't want to talk about it, but you need to. You can't let it keep doing this to you." Ty shook his head. "I can't, Dill. It's still too painful." "You have to, my lover. You nearly killed me tonight you were so out of control. You need to talk to a professional… someone who will help you. Not a trick cyclist necessarily; perhaps a rape counsellor would be better." "A trick cyclist?" he sobbed. "A psychiatrist," Dill smiled. "Oh," Ty whispered. "But a rape counsellor?" "Just how many times have you been raped, Ty? Can you even remember? Think about all those times in the mines…if you struggled against it, Ty, then it was rape. If you didn't want it…it was rape." His silence told her all she needed to know. "You don't have to talk to me about it. I know you don't want me to know. But I'm making you an appointment to talk to someone, and you will talk to them, Ty. Don't just tell them what you think they want to hear. Tell them the truth. Let them help you." "Yes, Dill," Ty whispered, nuzzling her breast. "Good boy. Now off to sleep with you." Dill smiled as Ty began suckling, his eyes closed and his hand pressed against her, gently kneading her breast. "Sleep, my lover. You'll feel so much better in the morning." Dill watched him, waiting until she felt the suckling stop and her nipple pop out of his mouth as he began to softly snore, before she closed her eyes and settled to sleep. She prayed that the boys wouldn't join them in bed in the morning. Her shoulder and arm hurt like hell, and her throat felt tender, and she was still figuring out what to tell her mother. A soft sound made her open her eyes just as she was drifting off, and she saw her mother moving slowly around in their bathroom, tidying up, carrying his sea bag back into the bedroom, frowning as she glanced at the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Waking up later that morning, Dill glanced at the clock, 09:30. She frowned. * Surely the boys should have been in by now? * Reaching down to disentangle herself from Ty, who had wrapped himself around her, she climbed out of bed, wincing at the pain in her right arm and shoulder, and padded softly to the bathroom. She stared in the mirror at her bandaged throat, before gently removing the blood-stained dressing and gently washing the blood away to get a good look at her husband's handiwork. "What the hell happened last night?" came her mother's voice, softly from the hall doorway. Sighing, Dill turned to face her after closing the door that led to their bedroom. "Don't freak out on me, mother." "Oh my god - your throat!" Moira cried. "Shush! Don't you wake him," Dill whispered. "What happened, Dylan? I woke up during the night and your lights were on. I could hear someone sobbing. I thought for a moment it was one of the children, and then I realised it was TC. And now you look like you were attacked by Jack the Ripper!" "You came in here and tidied up, didn't you? I thought I saw you just before I fell asleep." "Yes, I did, and I overheard some of your conversation," Moira admitted with a sad smile. "How much?" Dill asked her, sitting on the edge of the bath. "Enough to know there's a lot going on in that boy's head that needs dealing with. And I think you're right - a rape counsellor is what he needs. Someone who isn't connected with the military and has had experience with tanks before," Moira told her. "I hope you don't mind, but I've already put out feelers to find someone. It needs to be the right person if you really want it to help him, and that's going to be hard to do. Someone not too young… definitely not a man…" "Why not a man?" Dill asked, her hand reaching to feel her throat. "Because the way his mind seems to work, he'd expect a man to judge him, to tell him he should get over it. That he should have been able to stop it. That he was a wuss for not being strong enough. And that is not what he needs. It wouldn't necessarily be so, but if he went in believing it, it could do more damage than good," Moira told her. "And a woman will see a rape victim, and treat him as such. Now let me see that throat of yours." She lifted Dill's head and examined her throat. "He did this to you?" At Dill's nod, she sighed. "I see why you told him he needs help. This is a knife wound." "It's not his fault. He was having a nightmare and thought I was an AI or a chig or something. I told him to cut me to see me bleed," Dill said as her mother cleaned her throat and found a fresh dressing. "Could you have said a more stupid thing? He's a marine, for goodness sake. Red rag to a bull!" "That did occur to me as he was dragging me indoors to get a knife," Dill chuckled. "But it's alright. I'm still here, aren't I? Where are the children? They didn't come in to see us." "No. I told them you needed to sleep. They're downstairs watching cartoons on the TV. Hamish is looking after Izzy. He may not be as bright as Cameron, but he loves his sister to bits and he takes good care of her. Now you go back to bed with TC and I'll bring you a cup of tea up. Go on. Make sure he's alright this morning." "Yes, mother," Dill heard herself say as she slipped through the connecting door into the bedroom. She stood and looked at her husband, still asleep hugging the pillow where she'd lain, looking for all the world like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. His fair hair curled around his ears and at the nape of his neck, just covering his navel. She smiled. He needed a haircut again. She loved his hair short. Hell, face it - she just loved him. Despite his problems, he was hers. And even what happened last night couldn't change that. Planting a kiss on his cheek, she climbed into bed with him, smiling as immediately he loosed his hold on the pillow and pulled her in close to him, mumbling her name in his sleep. ~~~~~~~ A few minutes later there was a tap on the door, and Moira popped her head around. "Is he still asleep?" she asked. "Or do you need another cup?" "He's still asleep, but I'd kill for that cup in your hand, mother. I'm gasping," Dill chuckled. "I'm not sure if I can untangle myself though." She tried sitting up, and eventually had to peel his arm off her. "I hope you appreciate what his octopus act here is all about," Moira told her, coming into the room and handing her the tea before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Pardon?" Dill asked, puzzled. "Well, he obviously lets his guard down when he's asleep. That's why he has the nightmares. And this clinging to you - he'd never be seen doing that when he's awake. He used to get embarrassed if you kissed him in public," Moira reminded her. "But I noticed this leave he was much happier with you being so touchy feely." "I think he's got used to it, and he knows I wouldn't do anything to really embarrass him," Dill grinned wickedly, taking a sip from her tea. "I save that up for when we're in private." Moira raised an eyebrow. "What do you think woke me up last night? My bed is just the other side of this wall, and that was your headboard, I imagine." Dill blushed. "Sorry, he just got a little... well, het up... I guess. It was a bit scary, to tell the truth." "It was a release. After what he did to you, no doubt he was stressed. I expect it helped. He didn't hurt you, did he?" Her concern was evident in her voice. "I can't believe I'm talking about my sex life with you, mother," Dill blushed. "It's... well, it's odd." "Why? Do you think I don't know you two have sex? That you have three children is a giveaway, Dylan," Moira laughed. "And even if you didn't, I can't see you keeping your hands off him. I've seen you when you think no one's looking. Slipping your hands up his shirt or squeezing his behind. He used to jump, but he's become adept at hiding it now, the poor soul." "I know. He used to get cross about it, but now I only get that glare if he thinks I've taken it too far," Dill smiled shyly. "But you're my mother. It feels odd talking about my sex life with you. You know too much about me… it feels like you're going to tell me off." "Why on earth should I tell you off?" Moira laughed. "You're a grown woman - married, with a husband that you obviously find very attractive sexually. And he obviously feels the same. If you can't talk to your mother... well…. He doesn't hurt you normally though, does he, Dylan?" This time Moira blushed. "When your father and I… well, he was very strong. He had to hold back to prevent himself from hurting me. He never really ever fully… well, let go, I suppose. Our sex life must have been very unsatisfactory for him, and I've worried about you, Dylan. TC is a tank, after all, and he's much stronger than the boys you grew up with." At Dill's startled look, she smiled. "Of course I knew what you were up to. It was a much smaller community then, Dylan." Dill turned and smiled at her sleeping husband. "No," she whispered. "He's never hurt me like that. I'm half invitro, mother. I'm stronger than you were. Ty lets go, and I'm glad he feels confident enough to do that," she grinned impishly. "I know I certainly like it when he does! Do you think all invitros are so good in bed, or did I just get lucky?" Moira shook her head. "Well, considering what he's been through, it amazes me that he's interested at all. I should have thought it would have put him off for life." "Oh, he's interested, mother. Of that I have not the slightest doubt." "Judging by last night's performance, neither do I!" Moira laughed, getting up. "I need to check on my grandchildren. They must be ready for some breakfast. Shall I make something for you and TC, and bring it up to you?" "Yes, please!" Dill nodded, reaching to stroke his head. "It's lovely to see him so relaxed, and sleeping so soundly. I hate to wake him up." Moira looked at him critically. "You know, lying there like that, he looks just like Hamish, doesn't he? Such a sweetie. I half expect to see that thumb creeping up to his mouth." She laughed and walked away, closing the door behind her. Putting down her empty cup, Dill stretched and climbed out of bed. Feeling the need for a quick shower, she padded softly to the bathroom, and turning on the shower nice and hot, discarded her shirt, and climbed in with a sigh. ~~~~~~~~ Ty rolled over onto his back. He'd woken up almost as soon as Moira had arrived, but had been too embarrassed by their conversation to let them know. * At least now I have an idea what the whole girl talk thing is about * he thought, smiling to himself at the thought that Dill had said that she enjoyed sex with him. Ty already knew it, but it felt good to hear her telling someone else, even if that someone was her mother. As he lay listening to the sounds of her showering, his thoughts ran over the events of the previous night. It had been pretty horrific for both of them, and it was going to take him a long time to forgive himself for what he'd done to her. He sighed. Had he really agreed to see a counsellor, or could he persuade her it wasn't necessary? Looking up as she came into the room wearing only a towel, he could see that it was. Across her throat ran a 6 inch cut. Ty looked away, unable to look at what he'd done to Dill. Shame and self loathing filled him. "Good morning, gorgeous!" Dill smiled. "Sleep well?" Ty nodded, too ashamed to look her in the eye. She sat down on the bed, towelling her hair. "What's up?" He glanced at her throat. "How can you ask that?" he whispered. "Look what I did to you." "We've had this conversation already, Ty - let's not have it again," Dill sighed, turning as the door flew open and Hamish hurtled in and jumped onto the bed. "Gamma's making pancakes!" he yelled, flinging himself on Ty. "Want pancakes, daddy? Stirrup?" "Stirrup?" Ty asked the excited little boy. "Stirrup on pancakes!" Hamish told him, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him. "Loves you, daddy," the boy whispered before jumping from the bed and running from the room. Dill laughed. "What was that about, I wonder?" "I don't know," he muttered. "Pass me my crutches, would you please? I need a shower." Dill looked at him appraisingly, passing him his crutches. "Do you want a hand? I could scrub your back for you," she offered suggestively. "I can do it," he told her, standing himself up and heading for the bathroom. With a sigh, recognising the signs of his withdrawal, she left him to it. Dill was dressing as the door opened and her mother arrived with breakfast for them. "Here you go… pancakes, syrup and orange juice. Do you think TC would like some scrambled eggs?" she asked. "I'm damned if I know," Dill muttered, slipping into her shirt. "For goodness sake, what's wrong now?" Moira asked. "He's closing up on me," Dill sighed. "That means he's feeling guilty and doesn't know how to deal with it." "Feed him. Hold him. I'll take the children out. Make love to him, Dylan. Let him see how much you care for him." "If I thought he'd let me, I'd throw him on the floor and jump his bones. But he won't be interested right now, mother. He needs time to brood over it, and when he's finished beating himself up about it, he'll make love to me. But he needs time and space, so I think that's what I'll give him." Finishing dressing, Dill picked up her breakfast and headed out of the door and down the stairs to see her children. Moira stood and pondered; on the one hand she knew she really shouldn't interfere and that Dill was right - he needed time. But on the other, he'd had years to sort himself out and Dill was her daughter. Besides, Moira smiled to herself, however hard she tried to deny it, she'd developed a soft spot for Ty, and couldn't bear to watch the pair of them fighting it out again. Moira waited until she could hear the water running and opened the door to the bathroom. "TC, are you in the shower?" "Yes," came his wary reply. "I need to talk to you," she told him, putting the lid down on the toilet and taking a seat. "Not now," Ty told her, hoping she'd go away and leave him in peace. "Yes, now, TC. Right now, while you can't go anywhere." Moira heard his sigh over the sound of the water. "What do you want, Moira?" he asked. "To talk about last night. And before you say no, I'm not leaving until you talk to me about it. So you choose. We can talk and you'll be able to come eat your breakfast and get dressed, or you can stay in the shower all day." The water stopped and his head appeared around the shower curtain. "You'd better pass me a towel then." With a satisfied smile, Moira handed him a towel, laughing at the sour look he gave her. "It's no good, TC. There's no way she could have hidden that damage to her throat. I would have seen it even if you hadn't woken me in the night with all the noise you were making. So you'll just have to talk to me. Now come out of there and sit on the bath here. Let's talk this over properly." "I can see where Dill gets it from," Ty growled, getting out of the shower, the towel firmly wrapped around his waist. "I've said I'll see someone. What more do you want?" "I want you to stop taking it out on Dylan. You're feeling guilty, and you take it out on Dylan. That's not fair, TC," Moira told him calmly. "I'm not taking it out on her!" McQueen snapped. Seeing Moira's disbelieving look, he looked away. "It's hard seeing what I did to her. I love her more than I ever dreamt I could love anyone, and yet I still did that to her. What's worse is that she doesn't blame me. She understands." He stared at Moira. "How is it that she understands when I don't? " "She knows it's not your fault. She also knows that you can't keep it bottled up forever. She loves you, and she doesn't think any less of you because of what you do under the influence of your nightmares. Dill wants to be able to help you, to soothe your fears… to take care of you, but you withdraw and won't let her. That hurts her far more than she lets on. Watch her with the children, TC. The more you withdraw, the more attention she gives them. But what she really wants is not to be cuddling Cameron or Hamish, or even that little dumpling Izzy, but you. She does to them what she needs to do to you, but you won't let her. Let her fuss you. Let her touch you… hold you. Show her that you need her. Let her soothe your fears, TC, and you'll be surprised at how much better you feel. Most of all, though, listen to her. She talks a lot of sense. You do need to speak to a counsellor. I hope you don't mind, but I think I may have found you just the right one. She's based here in Mobile, and she has a lot of experience with rape. Male rape. And even better, she's an invitro rights worker, so she'll understand that aspect of it too." Ty stared at her, his face flushing. "Dill told you?" he whispered. "No, TC. I overheard you talking about it last night. Or rather, Dylan talking about it. You, I heard…" She looked at him appraisingly, not sure if she should tell him, but deciding that he needed to be pushed a little further. Moira stood up and headed for the door. "You, I heard crying." McQueen sat staring after her as the door swung shut. ~~~~~~~~~~ By the time he eventually arrived downstairs, after finding that getting dressed by himself proved something of a challenge with his knee joint sore and painful, and then discovering that he had to get down the stairs by the undignified method of shuffling down on his bottom, the children had breakfasted and were playing in the garden. Dill was busy doing laundry. Avoiding him, he was sure. And Moira was clearing up in the kitchen. She looked up as he came limping in. "You didn't use those last night, did you?" At the shake of his head, Moira shook her own. "Henry would freak if he knew, so I expect it's a good thing no one's going to tell him. Did you eat your breakfast?" "No," Ty told her, easing himself into a chair. "It was cold." "Would you like some eggs? Or some more pancakes? Or both?" "With stirrup?" he smiled. Moira laughed. "I think that will go into the family vocabulary. Maple Stirrup." She poured him some coffee. "I got you an appointment with the counsellor for tomorrow. You were lucky. She had a cancellation." "Moira…" Ty began. "Don't, TC. If you're going to tell me you've changed your mind, don't. The appointment is made and I'll take you myself if I have to. Though I'd rather Dylan took you." She looked him square in the eye. "There is no escape." "Then I guess I'd better have the pancakes," McQueen sighed, admitting defeat. "Good man," Moira smiled. "Now sit there and I'll get you those pancakes. Are you sure you don't want eggs as well? French toast perhaps? You could do with feeding up." "Just pancakes please," he smiled. Dill came in with a basket of washing. "So you're finally up and about. Why didn't you call me? I would have helped you with the stairs." "I managed," Ty said, avoiding looking at her throat as she put the basket on the chair beside him and began folding the laundry. "Well, next time call me. You could easily have a fall. And if you damage that leg, you could be invalided out." Dill stared at him. "You wouldn't want that now, would you?" "No ma'am," he said meekly, as Moira put a plate in front of him. "Dylan, stop it," Moira said. "He's not five years old. If he wants to fall down the stairs, that's his prerogative" "I'll ask for help next time. I promise," he told them both with a grin. "Good," Dill smiled. "Because I don't want you hurting yourself. Knowing you, though, you'd come up with a bounce." She came up behind him and ruffled his hair, kissing the back of his neck. "Now eat your breakfast. The children are waiting to see you. Hamish wants you to play pirates with him; he has some mad idea that you'll build him a boat." "Ah," he mumbled through a mouthful of pancake. Dill stopped the folding she'd gone back to, a small royal blue shirt in her hand. "And just what does that mean? You didn't tell him you would, did you?" "When we were playing in the sand box yesterday, he asked me to build him a boat. I said I would," he shrugged. "I thought he meant with the sand." "Well, he seems to think you're going to build him a boat and the two of you are going to sail it away down the river!" she giggled. "Poor Hamish. He'll be so disappointed." The sound of crying filled the air as Cameron appeared in the doorway. "Hamish hit me!" he wailed. "Oh sweetie," Dill exclaimed, picking him up for a cuddle. "Why did he hit you?" "I wanted to see his treasure!" he cried, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Show mummy where he hit you," she asked him. "He hit me with the bucket! On my head!" "Oh dear, what a bad boy he is," Dill told him, kissing his head. "Why don't you stay here with daddy and Gamma while I go and tell him off." She sat the boy on Ty's lap and started for the door, before turning to ask, "Did you bite him, Cameron?" "A bit" he admitted, fidgeting. "Was that before or after he hit you with the bucket?" Ty asked him. "He wouldn't let me see his treasure," Cameron whispered. "So you bit him and he hit you with the bucket?" Dill sighed. Cameron nodded. "Cameron, we've talked about biting, haven't we?" Ty said sternly. "McQueens don't bite, do they?" "No, daddy," the little boy whispered. Dill shook her head and went to see how Hamish's bite was. "Shall I bite you?" Ty asked him. "Would you like it? Would it make you cry?" Cameron's eyes filled with tears again. "Don't bite me, daddy. I won't do it again." "Make sure that you don't, or I will bite you and see if you like it." "Will you hit Hamish with the bucket?" "Why would I hit Hamish with the bucket?" he asked as Cameron looked up at him. "He hit me with the bucket. Do McQueens hit with buckets, daddy?" "No, they don't," Ty told him, looking up as Moira chuckled. "McQueens don't do bad things like that." As he said it, he could feel himself flushing, knowing that one particular McQueen had done a very bad thing last night. Dill came through the door with Isobel in her arms and holding Hamish's hand. "Look daddy, Hamish has a treasure for you." Hamish ran to him with a wide grin. "Look daddy - pirate's treasure!" He glared at Cameron. "He wanted it. It's mine!" He held out his hand, in which sat Ty's wedding ring. "That's great, little guy. Where did you find it?" Ty asked with a smile. "Lucky you." "The grass, by the water…." Hamish stopped, aware of his mistake. "You went down to the water?" Ty asked, frowning at him. "Yes, daddy," Hamish admitted sheepishly. "I saw the shiny and needed it. It was treasure." "You needed it?" Ty asked. Hamish nodded. "What if you'd fallen in the water? Didn't we talk about that?" "Yes, daddy. I didn't fall in. I can swim," he said proudly. "I know you can, little guy. But I told you not to go near the water, not to open that gate. What if Izzy had followed you? She can't swim, can she?" Hamish's face fell. "But it's for you, daddy. You's treasure." His lip trembled as his eyes filled with tears. "I needed it for you. I loves you, daddy." Ty sighed. He felt like he was destined to make his whole family cry today. He looked up at Dill and Moira, who stood watching him with bemused smiles on their faces, waiting to see what he was going to do. Holding on to Cameron with one arm, he reached out to pull Hamish in for a hug. "I loves you too, Hamish. But that's why don't want you to fall in the river. I love you too much." "Bu… bu… but… the shiny, daddy. The trea… treasure," Hamish stuttered through his tears. "You should have asked mommy to get it. Or Gamma." "Hamish is a bad boy," Cameron grinned. Ty looked at him. "And who did the biting? I think all the boys in this family have been bad boys today." He glanced at Dill, who smiled at him and shook her head. "Me and Hamish, daddy?" Cameron asked him. "And me too," he told the little boy. Hamish stopped crying. "Daddy, you been bad?" Ty nodded. "Oh, I've been very bad. I made mommy cry." "Mummy's got an ouchie," Cameron told him, pointing. "See?" "I know," Ty whispered, his eyes filling with shame. "Okay, my darlings," Moira said, stepping forward. "Who wants to come to the shop with me to buy some yummy ice cream?" Both boys turned to her, yelling, "Me, Gamma! Me!" "Come on then chaps, let's go wash those hands and faces first. Shall we take Izzy too?" Hamish nodded. "Izzy loves ice cream, Gamma." He turned back to Ty. "Here, daddy. The shiny treasure. For you." Giving his father the ring, Hamish reached up to kiss him, his blue eyes shining brightly. "I loves you, daddy," he said, before running out of the door following Moira, who'd taken Isobel from Dill. Cameron, not to be outdone, wrapped his arms around Ty's neck and kissed him lavishly, leaving a trail of saliva on his cheek. "I loves you too, daddy," he whispered before he slipped off his father's lap and followed his brother. Dill stood and watched as Ty wiped his face. "You did good kid," she laughed. "Now how about a kiss from me?" "Promise you won't drool on me?" he smiled, as he slipped his ring back onto his finger. "I drool over you, Ty, not on you," she smiled, as she sat herself on his lap, straddling his thighs. "How can I not? You're so damn delicious." "Dill," Ty whispered, as she began kissing his neck and nibbling his ear. "What, my lover?" she sighed into his ear, her breath hot and moist. "Not now, the boys might come in." he groaned as she wriggled, grinding her hips onto his lap. "Why do you think mother took them for ice cream?" she giggled, pushing down on his groin and feeling his reaction. "Dill, you are bad," Ty told her as she began undoing the buttons of his shirt. She bent her head to lick and kiss her way from his throat to his chest, nipping gently at each nipple, before sucking on them bringing, them to hardness. "Be quiet, flyboy," Dill whispered. "In fact, I've got no room here. Stand up." She slipped off his lap, grinning at the way his jeans were bulging. Ty stood up carefully, watching as she cleared the table. "Hop up," she winked. "On the table? No way!" he told her, horrified. "We eat at that table." "Oh, go on. Be a devil. Be bad boy, McQueen!" she chuckled. "You know you want to." Dill dropped to her knees, her fingers reaching to undo his jeans and slip inside, freeing his hard cock from his underwear. "Oh, nice," she whispered, flicking the tip with her tongue, causing him to tremble as she took his length into her mouth. Ty leant back against the table, his hands gripping the edge, as Dill began to move her mouth up and down his cock. Her teeth very gently scraped the sensitive skin, her tongue licking up and down as he thrust himself gently into her face. He groaned as her lips clamped shut and she began to suck hard, pulling him into her mouth until he reached to stop her. "It's too intense. I'm coming," he moaned. "I don't want to come in your mouth." "Then hop up onto the table," she grinned, pushing him backwards until his feet left the floor. Ty scooted backwards until he was more comfortable, and watched as she stripped him of his jeans and boxers, before removing her shorts and panties. "God, Dill," he groaned, as his cock twitched. "How do you do it to me every time?" "Shush. Just lay still while I get comfy," she told him as she climbed on top of him, and positioned herself to slide down his rigid cock. "Ready?" "Oh yeah," he moaned. "Just do it, Dill. For gods sake, before I explode." "Yes sir," Dill giggled slowly, sliding down onto him, watching his face as she did so. "God, you're lovely when you get that look," she told him, leaning forward to thrust her tongue in his mouth, then slipping it out to kiss him thoroughly and nibble on his lower lip. "What look?" he mumbled as she sucked on his lip. "You go all googly eyed," she chuckled. "And your mouth pops open just a tiny bit, and you sigh." "Sounds repulsive," he laughed, his laugh turning into a moan as she began to slide up and down him. "Oh god, that feels so good. Faster." "As you wish," she smiled, picking up the pace and sitting upright astride him, her knees underneath her giving her leverage. Ty reached up to hold her breasts as she rode him frantically. Massaging and squeezing them until her nipples were hard in his hands, he tried pulling her down so that he could suckle, but she fought him off, laughing. "Oh no, you don't. The angle goes all wrong if you pull me down. It's much better for both of us this way. Just lay back and enjoy it." Ty grabbed Dill's hips instead, supporting her and lifting her as she slid up him until she began to pant, her body trembling as her orgasm approached. Unable to stop himself, he rolled them over, and using his good leg to steady himself, thrust hard inside her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. It didn't take long before she was clinging to him, her whole body going rigid, her muscles clenching around his still pumping cock, and burying her head in his shoulder as she cried out with the intensity of her orgasm. The feel of her body trembling and her muscles contracting around his cock drew him over the edge, and he collapsed with a soft cry onto her, his head sinking onto her shoulder where her hand began to stroke the sweat dampened curls. "Why can't I last?" he whispered. "Lately I can hardly hold on." "It doesn't matter," she told him. "You'll be ready to go again in a minute, if you want to." "I can't" he admitted. "My knee is killing me." "Your knee? Why didn't you say so?" Dill pushed Ty off her and jumped down from the table. "Let's get you dressed and get the weight off that leg. For god's sake, Ty, you ran around on it all night too!" "It'll be okay," he grinned as she pulled his boxers up his thighs, her fingers brushing his cock in her haste. "If you do that again, I'll have to throw you on the floor and ravage you," he chuckled. "Don't you dare!" she told him. "You're going to sit in the garden and rest that leg. I'll bring you something to do, and I'll sit with you, but you are going to keep your weight off it. Understand?" "Yes, mommy," he teased as she did his jeans up. "But you know, with you tempting me like that, I might not be able to help it." His hand slid between her thighs, reminding her that she still wore nothing on her lower half. "Get off!" she giggled, picking her clothes up and pulling her panties on. "You are a bad boy, McQueen! Now get your sexy self onto that recliner in the garden. And use your crutches!" "Yes, mommy" he repeated, grinning and grabbing the crutches. Laughing, Dill finished getting dressed and pottered about, collecting Ty a few things to keep him occupied, before going out to where he sat. "Here you go," she said, dragging a table over to him. "I bought you these when you were in the hospital, in case they kept you in for a while. I know it helps you to relax." Dill set down in front of him a set of calligraphy brushes, inks and a range of papers. "I wasn't sure about the paper, so I got a selection. Are they okay? I don't know a thing about calligraphy, but I know you do." Ty looked up at her, his love for her reflected in his eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he whispered. "Yes, I do," she nodded. "And the boys bought you a new bonsai and some clippers. They thought tiny trees were terribly exciting. They can't wait to watch you clip it." "Come here," Ty whispered, grabbing her as she bent down. "I love you, Dill McQueen." He kissed her, and with a sigh of contentment as she went to collect a book for herself, settled down to examine his new brushes. ~~~~~~~~~~ Previous : Part Three Next : Part Five Geek © 2005