Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "SPACE: Above and Beyond" are the creations of Glen Morgan and James Wong, Fox Broadcasting and Hard Eight Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. Dylan Mackenzie belongs to me. Rating: NC-17

Promo 10. Dill pulled up outside Hilary's apartment block, giving Ty a quick kiss as he climbed out of the car. He turned and looked as he heard his name being called. "Wait Dill," he told her, before walking over to Hilary, who stood at the top of the steps. Dill watched her husband talking to Hilary. He shook his head while Hilary nodded furiously. They both looked over at Dill, who waved at them. Ty spoke again to Hilary and shook his head, a peeved look on his face as he came back to the car. "What's up, my lover?" Dill asked. "She can't do the session?" "She can do it alright, but she wants you to be there. She wants us to talk about how we both feel regarding Amy." "Me? I know how I feel about Amy," Dill grimaced. "So you won't do it then? That's what I told her," Ty said. "But she's insisting." "Let me park the car and I'll be right there," she groaned. "But I don't know that I'll be of any help." "Okay," Ty grumbled, turning away. "Ty!" Dill called. "Yes?" He'd turned back. "You don't want me there, do you?" "No, not really," he admitted. "Then tell her." "I did. She said I'll get over it!" Dill laughed at the way he shook his head as he walked away. Dill parked the car and joined them in Hilary's apartment. Looking around, she could see why Ty had thought Hilary flaky. There were crystals everywhere. The place looked like she'd Feng Shuied it, and there was a distinct aroma of incense. "Hello, Dylan." Hilary held out her hand. "Thank you for joining us. I think that for this session, at least, we need the both of you here. If we're going to be rid of the shadow of T.C.'s first wife, then his second wife most definitely needs to be here." She looked long and hard at Dill. "I'll bet you feel sometimes as though you live in her shadow?" "Once or twice," Dill admitted. "Come on then," Hilary said briskly. "T.C. in your usual chair, please. Dylan, sit here. If you don't look at each other, this might be easier on both of you, but please say if you'd rather be able to touch." "I'd like to. Sometimes he needs to be touched," Dill told her. "Are you comfortable with that, T.C.?" "I guess," he mumbled. "You're not happy about this, are you?" Hilary smiled. "Believe me, this is when you can both say how you feel about Amy, openly and honestly. T.C., you'll feel better for it." "Well, I always say how I feel about Amy, openly and honestly," Dill said, sitting down where Hilary indicated. "But Ty is still getting used to the idea of opening up. He's done so well since we first met, but it's so hard for him. He's got used to depending only on himself, and of course he keeps it all locked away tighter than a nun's…" She trailed off as both McQueen and Hilary stared at her. "Sorry." "Don't be. I can see you know him much better than he realises," Hilary told her. "That's very good." McQueen could see Dill starting to bristle. He reached out a hand to stroke her arm. "Dill," he whispered. Hilary watched them - the way Dill glanced at him, took a deep breath and relaxed again. "I'd say he knows you pretty well, too." "After five years, I should hope so!" Dill exclaimed, feeling rather condescended to by this woman. Hilary raised an eyebrow and sat down. "So Dylan, tell me about Amy." "Amy? Well, where do I start? She married Ty, treated him like shit, and divorced him when he couldn't give her children. She said she knew what it would be like to be married to an invitro and she could cope with it. Well, she walked away when the going got tough." "Which you wouldn't do?" Hilary prompted. "No, I wouldn't. I love Ty, baggage and all. I deal with it when it happens, and we talk it over, and move on. I married him because I love him, and I made that commitment for life. I won't walk away from it. I'll work at it. Amy didn't. She gets no respect from me!" "You deal with it? Does T.C.?" "I thought he did, but he wasn't. That's why I persuaded him to come and see you. I'm hoping you can help him." Dill looked at Hilary squarely. "You have helped him. Thank you." "But how do you feel about Amy?" Dill decided that she was going to tell Hilary, and therefore Ty, exactly how she felt. He needed to hear this. "I hate her. I never thought I could hate anyone, but I hate Amy. I hate her for what she did to Ty. She used him, and she never once thought about him… about why he was the way he was. I've always tried not to comment on his first marriage, but from what he's said, and from what others have said, those that knew him then, I am so glad I punched her in the face. And I'd do it again, given half a chance!" "Dill!" Ty said sternly. "No, T.C., let her speak. You need to hear this. No doubt you've heard it before, but this time listen," Hilary told him. "When they got married he was still a child. He might have had the body of a grown man, but he was a child emotionally. She must have known that. Hell, I worked that out pretty damn fast and he was twenty when we met. And don't give me the…'well, she was young, too' crap. I'd never even heard of invitros when we met, but I did this little thing called research. It sure opened my eyes. It made me see why he was having these terrible nightmares. I'd fallen hopelessly in love with an abused child, because that's what he was. Do you know what she told my mother?" Dill was almost puce in her indignation. "And Ty has never mentioned this, not once. She told her that after the first nightmare he had, she refused to let him back in her bed. She refused to allow her husband to abuse her! Did she never see that what he needed was affirmation of her love for him? Reassurance that it was okay, that she understood. Did she never just comfort him?" "T.C.?" Hilary asked quietly. He shook his head. "No," he whispered. "She told me that if I thought I was ever hitting her again, I had another think coming." "Did you even know you'd hit her, Ty?" Dill asked softly. "No," he whispered. "See, that's what I mean. The bitch just didn't give a damn!" Dill growled. "After he was a POW the doctors told him he'd never father children. I'd guess the nightmares were worse then. Hell, it was nightmares about that that sent him to you. You know what she said about having kids? She wanted children but she wasn't prepared to go through the necessary procedures." Dill shook her head. "She just wanted out. It was a pitiful excuse. At a time when he needed her, he needed to know she cared and that it didn't matter about not being able to have kids. When he was probably at his lowest, she dumped him. It's not surprising he got himself hooked on meanies again. He told me that he couldn't have kids fairly early on in our relationship, when we realised it was more than a casual fling." "When I came to stay the first time," he whispered. "That's right," Dill nodded. "Amy battered his self confidence into the ground, and I'm still picking up the pieces. I resent her for that. I've struggled so hard at times to get through to him, because I love him. I think he's worth fighting for. To make him see that, and believe it, has been incredibly hard. Especially before the boys were born. We were still dealing with trust when Izzy was born." She glanced across at Ty, unsure whether to say what she wanted to say. "Go on," Hilary said quietly. "We had a major trust issue at the time of the boys' birth. We sorted it out, but… well, he was so obviously insecure. Worried that I'd love the boys more than him. Hell, he reminded me of the kids I worked with. He was so proud and full of himself at having been part of making these babies. Obviously totally in love with them, but petrified that maybe now I'd drop him. I'd got my babies from him and wouldn't need him anymore. That was when I first started breastfeeding him." Dill glanced quickly at Ty. He sat, his head in his hands, his face crimson. Reaching out, she stroked his head, making him look up. "You never said a word, Ty, but I knew. I saw the fear in your eyes. I knew you loved me, and were proud of me, but I needed to let you know I still loved you. When you're stressed or upset, you feed. For the first few nights whenever you have leave, you always go to sleep feeding from me. Of course now that I'm no longer feeding Izzy, I'll have no milk left for your next leave. But it's not about the milk. It's turned into a perfectly Freudian comfort thing. Except, of course, you never had a mother. Until now. I'm well aware that I've filled that role. I'm lover, wife and mother, but that's fine. There are times when you need to be taken in hand and looked after… told what to do. A bossy boots like me is in heaven." "But you know when I need you to be like that, Dill, and when I need to be in charge. I don't know how you know it, but I love you for it," Ty said softly. "I know you do, darling. I've spent five years watching you slowly emerging from your shell. You slip back inside sometimes, but with careful cajoling I've always managed to get you out again." Dill turned to look at Hilary. "That's why I hate Amy. If she'd loved him, she would have persevered, not turned her back on him. She caused him so much pain I can hardly bear to think about it. He's mine, and no one hurts my babies and gets away with it." "You look on him as your baby?" "Sometimes. When he's stressed and vulnerable and needs comforting, he responds to it. Not all the time obviously. I mean, after all, he's a grown man, and most of the time he's a very loving husband, and a fantastic father to the children. And it'd be difficult to look on him as a baby when we're making love," Dill said defensively. Hilary stared at her for a long moment. "Do you feel he compares you to Amy?" "He did," Dill nodded. "I'm not sure that he does now. I resented it. He was expecting me to react the way she did, and behaving as though I would. I don't think he does that so much any more. I think he's more secure with me now. He knows I'm not just going to up and leave him on a whim." She reached over to Ty, squeezing his arm. "Or at least I hope he knows that." "I know it." Ty smiled at her. Hilary turned to him. "We've heard how Dylan feels. What about you, T.C.?. Tell us how you feel about Amy. Do you still love her?" "…………No," came his mumbled response. "Are you sure? You sounded rather hesitant," Hilary asked. "I'm sure. I love Dill." "But do you also still love Amy?" "No, I definitely don't love Amy!" he exclaimed, mortified at being asked this in front of Dill. "How can you be so sure? You loved her once," Hilary persisted. "Did I? I'm not so sure about that any more." "Why?" "I never felt about Amy the way I feel about Dill." Sitting watching him, Dill saw the brief smile Ty gave her. She reached to squeeze his hand. "How is that?" Hilary pushed, having noticed both the smile and the squeeze. "I'd give my life for Dill in a heartbeat, without thinking about it." "Surely you felt like that about Amy once?" "Maybe," he admitted. "So how is it different this time?" "I feel for Dill in a way I never felt for Amy, not once. Not even in the beginning." "Is it perhaps because Dylan gave you the children you'd longed for?" "No, I felt this way before she became pregnant. I asked her to marry me before she found out about the boys. I just knew I didn't want to lose her." "You never felt that way with Amy?" "I guess I must have done once. I mean, I married her. But that was her idea, not mine. She talked me into it. Marrying Dill was my idea… something I knew I needed to do." "You needed to do?" "Yes, I need Dill. She fills a hole in me… she makes me into a man I like. I like who I am when I'm with her. Even the 58th say I've changed for the better since I met Dill." "Is that because of her, or are you sure you hadn't already begun to change because of your affection for the 58th?" "Dill. It's Dill. I don't relax as much with the 58th. When I'm with Dill… well, I can be me. I can admit I'm scared or frightened. I can be vulnerable and know she won't laugh at me or sneer. She takes care of me. I can't be like that with the 58th. I'm their CO." "But you're still a man, T.C." "No I'm not. When I'm with them, I'm a marine." "So Dill takes care of you. Do you like that? Or do you resent it?" "I like it. Amy never took care of me. She wanted a strong man with no signs of weakness. Dill, on the other hand, worries when I hold things in. She tells me that it's okay to be scared… that she'll love me anyway, and that we'll face my demons together." He looked directly at Hilary. "We've faced a lot of demons, me and Dill. I couldn't have done it without her. And Amy wouldn't have done it at all. No, I don't still love Amy." "The house, T.C. Tell me about why you don't want to buy the house." "I'm afraid," he whispered. "Of what?" "That she'll turn up on the doorstep, wanting us to get back together, now that she knows I can father children normally." "Why would she do that?" "I don't know, but what if she did? What if she turned me back into her lapdog and I did it! I don't want to lose Dill and the children! I couldn't bear to lose them! I don't want her anywhere near me!" he cried, burying his face in his hands. Dill was on her knees at his side. "Shush, its okay baby," she soothed, holding him, stroking his hair. "I won't let her hurt you again." His arms crept around her. "Dill," Ty whispered. "I love you so much. Please don't make me live in that house." "I won't darling. We'll look for something somewhere else." She continued to stroke his hair until she felt his arms releasing her, then with a kiss to his forehead she sat back down and stared at Hilary. "See? What's the betting Amy never did that?" "Amy has blighted our life," Ty sniffed. "I want it to stop, but I don't want to speak to Amy. Not again. I tried to be nice to her, but she hit me and Dill hit her. It was traumatic for all of us. I can't do that again." "Are you worried that you're not strong enough?" Hilary asked. "Yes," Ty said very softly. "I wasn't strong enough to stand up to her before, when she sent me the divorce papers. I signed them and sent them back without question. It hurt me, but I did it. She didn't want a stupid tank after all. I kept wondering what I'd done wrong. Everything she asked of me, I did. The only thing I couldn't do was give her children naturally. But now I know nothing would ever have been good enough for her. She pushed me into doing things to 'advance my career'. We'd have dinner with people who could put in a good word for the 'poor tank'. I was forced into situations I hated and didn't know how to deal with. But I kept my mouth shut and did as I was told, because if I didn't …" He stopped, embarrassed to say it. "If you didn't?" Hilary prompted. With a quick glance at Dill, Ty hurried on, rushing to spit the words out quickly. "If I didn't she wouldn't let me sleep with her. And I needed to. It was the only time I felt that she ever wanted me… that I was allowed to touch her or be touched by her. It wasn't until I met Dill that I discovered the difference between sex and making love. Dill works to make me feel good. She enjoys giving me pleasure. Amy just wanted me to make her feel good, and if I were successful, I'd get to actually fuck her. It wasn't more than about two months into our marriage that the reality of it hit us both. I realised that she'd thought she was marrying a hotshot pilot and what she got was an emotional wreck. And I guess she realised that she couldn't cope with my moods and nightmares." His voice sank lower and lower as he spoke. "She used sex to control me, to get me to do whatever she wanted. Dill doesn't do that to me. Dill doesn't try to control me at all." "Are you sure?" "She's bossy, yes, but not controlling. Not like Amy was. Dill never asks me for more than I can give, and never withholds her affections if I don't come up to scratch. She loves me, warts and all." Ty smiled shyly at Dill. "I love you Dill. Even when you got jealous, I still knew you loved me, and that it was you withdrawing, not you punishing me." "Think about it, T.C.," Hilary said. "You love Dylan, and you don't love Amy. That we've established. Amy controlled you and punished you using sex. Dylan doesn't. Amy walked away when she found you couldn't father children. Dylan accepted you knowing that. Amy wasn't prepared, or perhaps was unable, to help you with your nightmares. Dylan wants to help you … has indeed taken the first steps to ensuring you get the help you need. Amy made you feel worthless. She shattered your confidence. Dylan makes you feel good about yourself, and she boosts your confidence." She smiled as he nodded at each point. "So tell me this, why do you think that if Amy calls, you'll go running back to her?" "I don't know," Ty whispered. "I don't have to, do I?" "You tell us - do you?" "No, I don't. I'm married to Dill now. We have a family, and I'm not the man I was when I married Amy. Things have changed in my life, for the better. She has no control over me any more. I'm stronger than I was, and that's thanks to the 58th and to Dill. I'm a different man - happy, confident. I know my place in the world. I'm a Marine Corps colonel, CO of the 58th, husband to Dill, father to three great kids and maybe more one day. When this war is over I'm even thinking about retiring to spend more time with my family." He grinned at Dill's sharp intake of breath. "It's true, Dill. I'm fed up with being away from you and the children all the time. My priorities have changed. I want to be at home with you guys, and I know now my home is in Scotland with you." "Oh, Ty," Dill whispered. "Amy can go to hell," he said gravely. "Who needs her anyway? " Hilary smiled. "Good for you T.C." She stood up. "I think our time is up for today, but will you be here next week, or are you going home?" she asked them. "We're going home," Ty told her decisively. "We're packing up and taking the children home. I feel in need of some clean, fresh, pine scented air. Come on, Dill," he grinned, standing up and pulling her to her feet. "Let's go start packing!" "Yes, sir!" Dill beamed. She turned to Hilary. "Thank you, again. I'll make sure he's online next week. The time difference will be a bit skew whiffy, but we'll sort that out." "I have no doubt that you will," Hilary told her with a smile. "Thanks Hilary, "McQueen said, smiling. "See you next week." "Okay," she nodded. "Take care now." "We will," he chuckled, grabbing Dill and shoving her out of the door. "Hey!" she protested. "What's the rush?" "I want to get you home," Ty breathed softly in her ear. "I really need you right now, but I'll have to wait." "Ty!" she exclaimed. "Control yourself, man!" "I am. That's why I'm waiting until we get home," he told her, squeezing her bottom. He practically dragged her to the car, stroking her thigh and allowing his hand to wander as she drove. He almost caused her to crash on the way home. Once she'd parked, he grabbed her hand and dragged her through the house and up the stairs, shouting to Moira who'd appeared in the hallway, "Don't let the kids disturb us!" Moira stood there, a spoon in her hand and a huge grin on her face, shaking her head as she went back to preparing the children's dinner. Closing the door behind them, Ty picked up Dill and carried her to the bed. Laying her down, he began undressing her. Each button of her shirt he slowly undid, kissing the sun browned skin underneath, feeling her quiver under his lips. As he slipped the shirt off her shoulders, she began to move underneath him, grinding her hips up into his. "You're overdressed," she whispered. "All in good time," he mumbled as he worked on her neck and throat, kissing and licking where he could still see a faint outline of the damage he'd done. "You practically dragged me up here," Dill gasped, as his mouth searched out her nipples, sucking them through the cotton of her bra. "Stop fannying, Ty. Let's do it." "How romantic," Ty groaned, as her hands reached for his pants, slipping inside them kneading his behind. "You…" he sighed as a hand slid around to gently stroke his cock. "All the way here you've been fondling me, getting me all worked up, and now you're taking it so slow I'll nod off in a minute!" Dill cried as his lips clamped around a bared nipple. Removing her hands from his pants, she began pulling at his clothes. The buttons popping off his shirt caused him to stop suckling her and smile. "Another shirt ruined." "I don't care," she whispered, pulling at his pants. "I'll buy you a new one." Chuckling, Ty stood up and slowly removed his clothes. Each piece of clothing he slowly twirled around before throwing onto the floor. Finally he stood naked and grinned as Dill looked him up and down. "My, you're gorgeous," Dill smiled. "Come here and make love to me." "You have too many clothes on," he told her. "That is easily remedied," she giggled, standing on the bed and stripping considerably faster than he had. She stood on the bed, her hands on her hips. "Well, flyboy, are you going to show me if you really know how to use that kit, or is it just for show?" He grabbed her legs and pulled them out from under her, making the bed shake as she hit it flat on her back. "Careful!" Dill cried, her cries turning to a gasp as Ty pulled her to the edge of the bed, and kneeling, began to softly nibble and lick at her hot core. Ty began to suck on her little nub, making her squirm and reach with her hands to hold his head. He reached up and held her hands away from him. "Oh no, you don't" he whispered. "I'm taking this at my pace." "You swine!" she gasped, as he slid his tongue inside her and her body bucked off the bed. Dill lay writhing as Ty made love to her with his tongue, one hand holding her hands, the other gently stroking her thigh. By the time he brought her to orgasm, she was past speech. Her whole body trembled as he licked her clean, and with a smile, kissed his way slowly up her body. Ty stopped to kiss and lick her navel, to suckle on each breast, and to nibble on her ears before, finally, his whole body lying on top of hers. He softly kissed her, his tongue tracing her lips, before gently pushing inside her mouth, letting her taste herself. Dill's hips began to grind upwards to meet Ty's, pressing against his erection as she felt it pushing into her thigh. She rubbed herself against him, smiling, hearing his soft whimpers as she manoeuvred so that he was rubbing against the soft curls of her pubic hair. Gently she slid up and down, rubbing him against her moist centre and stimulating her clit, until the very act of rubbing herself on him brought both of them to orgasm. He cried out into her neck as she shuddered underneath him. Feeling his semen drip down between her legs as his cock continued to pump it out, she reached down and smeared some on her fingers, bringing them up to her mouth, sucking gently on them as he watched her, his chest heaving as his breathing struggled to return to normal. "Want some?" she whispered, reaching down to wet her fingers again. Ty said nothing, but his tongue flicked out to lick the finger she placed on his lips. Once he'd finished licking it, he sucked it into his mouth and watched as her eyes widened when she felt his hand slipping between her legs, sliding inside her, matching his finger thrusts with the sucks on her finger. Grinning, he removed his fingers and brought them to his mouth, releasing her finger and sucking on his own as she had done. Once he had them clean he again, he slid them inside her and presented them to her. "Copy cat," she whispered, sucking his fingers clean. "Copy this," he chuckled, as he pushed himself inside her in one smooth movement, her eyes flying open wide as he did so. "Oh yeah," she moaned, as he slowly- far too slowly for her liking - began to slide in and out of her. "Faster." "No," Ty told her. "I want to take it slowly… really enjoy feeling you around me. Feeling myself sliding in and out of your hot, moist …" he trailed off. "My hot, moist what?" Dill giggled, wriggling desperately to get him to speed up. "I don't know," he smiled. "There isn't a nice word for it, is there? Vagina seems a little formal..." he groaned as her hips bucked upwards urging him on, "… and pussy is not nice. Of course there's c….." "Don't say it!" Dill cried. "I really hate that word" "What else is there?" Ty moaned, as her hands began to stroke his body, fingers dancing lightly over the scars on his back. "Just concentrate on what you're doing," she gasped, as finally he began to increase his pace. "At last! Come on, flyboy, let's really feel you." Covering her face with kisses, Ty gripped Dill's shoulders firmly and began to thrust more forcefully inside her, smiling at the way her hands began to stroke harder, massaging his shoulders and buttocks, pressing him closer to her. He pumped harder still, enjoying the way that she lost all ability to speak coherently and simply writhed, her legs wrapped around him as she mumbled and groaned softly. Her moans rose to fever pitch as he once again increased his speed, until finally, with him totally lost in the rhythm, having given his body control, she could do nothing more than scream as he pounded into her with a few hard, fast and deep thrusts, his orgasm hurtling through his body and seemingly through hers, looking for release. They lay, clutched in each other's arms, both struggling for breath, until Dill started to giggle. With raised eyebrows, Ty rolled off her. "What's so funny?" he finally managed to ask. "And be careful what you say in case you damage my already fragile ego." "Well," Dill giggled. "You rushed me home, and I thought I was in for a frantic session of hard and furious fucking. What do I get? A slow striptease, with you being so slow I could have fallen asleep, and a discussion on what to call my bits!" "Slow? That wasn't slow. Jeez, Dill, I can't go any faster. My heart will give out!" Ty chuckled. "To start with you were unbearably slow. You shouldn't get me so worked up and then slow me to death," she smiled, stroking his back as he snuggled against her. Ty simply smiled, kissing her shoulder. "You know, we really should get up and shower. It's almost time for the kids to go to bed, and I'd like to bath them before you tuck them in." "Come on then, sexy, let's do it," Dill yawned, getting out of bed. "Will you bath me and tuck me in too?" "Definitely," he chuckled, slapping her bottom as he followed her to the bathroom. "Watch it, mister!" she giggled. "I might like a touch of the rough stuff." "What do you mean, you might?" he quirked an eyebrow. "You love it hard, fast and furious." "But not painful," she smiled, stepping under the shower. "Never painful. Coming in?" "Of course." They showered quickly, dressed, and headed downstairs, hand in hand, to see their children. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Six weeks later, with McQueen finally declared fit enough to return to the Saratoga, they were assembled at the gatehouse to the Scottish community they called home. Dill stood with Isobel in her arms, trying desperately not to cry in front of the children, while Ty knelt in front of the boys for final hugs and kisses. Unfortunately for Dill, neither of the boys cared about holding back their tears, and by the time his lift arrived to take him away from them, the only person not actually crying was McQueen himself. Although tears were there, he refused to let them fall. As the jeep carrying him back to the war drove away, the boys ran down the road after it. Seeing them in the mirror almost undid him, but breathing deeply, Ty mentally assumed his other persona - Colonel T.C. McQueen, Commanding Officer of the 58th Squadron, the man who took out Chiggy Von Richthofen - squashing firmly the tiny voice that screamed, you're also Ty McQueen, much loved husband and father. He couldn't afford to be that, not with a war to be won. Fin Previous : Part Nine Geek © 2005