Moments of Joy

Part Six

McQueen wasn't sure what had started Alex crying. He knew the picture of his wedding bothered her. He hadn't thought to tell her that he'd been married. It was over, a part of his past and the subject had never come up. It must have come as a shock to her. That wasn't enough to explain her sobs, however. He didn't know whether it was something he'd done, or more tears because of the attack. Maybe it was some combination of the two. It didn't matter.

He'd never invited her to his quarters before, not because he didn't want her here, but because he did. He didn't trust himself alone with her here, the one place he felt completely safe. This was his place and everything in it was his. He didn't want to confuse himself about whether she was his too.

She was here now, though. She was in his arms where he'd wanted her to be. The reason, though, the reason she was here made him burn with anger and shame.

He held her and let her cry. Listening to the tears, he heard a difference. Before, when she was still in shock, the tears had been deep, racking sobs - a physical release. This was more of an emotional storm. Something had touched her, and he had a feeling it had to do with him.

As the weeping subsided, her arms moved on his back. Her hands flattened on his shoulders and her head turned until her lips just touched his neck. He could feel her breath on his skin and his body started to respond to her closeness.

He grasped her arms and took a deep breath, then stepped back, releasing her. He knew she wanted him, but he wasn't willing to take a chance on hurting her again. She looked at him a moment, then closed her eyes to hide the pain. He cupped her cheek again, wishing he knew how to tell her that he wasn't rejecting her. He just couldn't bear the thought of causing her more pain.

Her eyes opened and she smiled wistfully, then moved closer. Her head went back on his shoulder and her arms lightly circled him, asking only for comfort. He settled her closer and held her for several minutes. Eventually, he decided she needed to get off her feet. She'd had a hard day and she needed more rest. Apparently, if left to herself, she'd seek emotional, rather than physical comfort. There was no reason she couldn't have both.

He drew away from her and led her to the bed, then pressed lightly on her shoulders until she sat on the edge. He knelt and drew off her shoes for her, then reached behind her and pulled the sheets free. She lifted herself off the bed so he could pull the covers down, and her body brushed against his.

The sensation that simple touch caused told him he should not follow his original plan. In Ross' quarters, he could control his desire. Here, in his own place, he wasn't sure he would be able to resist if he got into bed with her - even with their clothes and the sheets between them. She slid under the covers and sat, looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to lie down next her. He sat on the edge of the bed and touched her face, then ran his fingers through her hair.

"Go to sleep," he told her.

Hurt flashed across her face and was swiftly gone. She lay down on her side facing him, looking up at him. He allowed himself to stroke her hair again, then moved his hand away. She caught it and drew it back down, holding it in both of hers. His fingers curled around her hand and he stayed where he was. Her eyes drifted shut and, after several minutes, her breathing slowed and deepened. She was asleep. He waited a bit longer, then gently freed his hand and went to sit in the chair by his desk. He took a deep, steadying breath.

She wanted him. He knew that now.

He wanted her. He'd always known that, he just hadn't wanted to admit it.

Now he had to decide what he was going to do, what he was willing to do, about those two facts.

When Alex woke, she inhaled deeply. The smell was unfamiliar. She opened her eyes and looked around, remembering that she was in Ty's bed. She inhaled again, drinking in his scent that lingered on the pillow and the sheets, closing her eyes, as she realized that his body had lain here, where hers was. Maybe he had lain here naked sometimes.

That thought brought her awake and she opened her eyes again. Ty was sitting in the chair by the desk. His feet were up again. This time, his head was down on his chest and he was obviously asleep. She felt guilty. He'd hardly gotten any sleep last night.

She needed to go to the bathroom, so she sat up, trying to move quietly. She should have known it wouldn't matter. His head came up and he looked at her.

"Sorry," she said softly. "I need to..." she blushed and nodded to the bathroom.

She could tell he was suppressing a grin. No wonder, she thought, the way they live together they don't have any embarrassment about those things. When she came back out, he was standing by the desk, staring out the window. He turned to look at her.

"Did you get any sleep at all, last night?" she asked.

He nodded. "Enough."

"How much is enough?"

His lips twitched in a smile. "More then I'd get on a mission."

She smiled at that, then her stomach growled at her.

His eyebrows went up. "I guess we should get you some food."

"You don't have to go along, Ty. You need to get some rest."

He just looked at her for a moment. "Alex, you're not going anywhere alone until we find the men who attacked you."

She blinked. Her mouth opened, then shut again. She hadn't realized that he and Ross meant to keep her so closely guarded. "You can't watch me every minute of the day," she finally protested.

He ducked his head to hide another smile. "Why not?"

Her mouth opened and shut again. She felt like a fish.

Ty obviously found her consternation amusing. "You were the one who didn't want to pretend."

She gritted her teeth. "And you were the one who said he didn't want me to."

His eyes acknowledged the hit although he didn't say anything.

"So, you're going to follow me everywhere I go?" she asked. "When are you going to get your own work done?"

"Until the Wild Cards return, protecting you *is* my work."

Alex felt her heart give a little thud.

"Commodore's orders," he continued.

It seemed to Alex that he'd added that as an afterthought. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, she told herself.

Ty walked to the door and opened it for her. As she left his quarters with him one step behind her, a Captain she didn't know walked by. The Captain gave them a startled look, then a knowing smile spread across her face. She sketched a salute to Ty and winked at Alex.

Alex sighed internally, afraid to look at Ty. He was such a private man. She knew he was going to hate this.

McQueen knew that Alex's emergence from his quarters this morning would be all over the ship in a matter of hours. Nothing traveled faster than gossip and one person was all it took. Captain Chou was not one to keep her mouth shut in any case.

As he and Alex walked into the mess hall together, all conversations paused and all eyes turned to look. Alex's back straightened and she moved closer to him. Normally, he wouldn't like the attention, but there was something about the way Alex stood with him, her head held proudly, almost challenging them to say something that made him feel a bit smug. The smugness faded as he remembered that his ex-wife had stood that way at first, but slowly, the looks and the words had made her change.

He glanced over at Alex. She looked back at him and smiled. She didn't seem uncomfortable with the attention, but he knew she was good at hiding things. She might be frightened, even if she didn't show it.

He looked his own challenge around the room, noting the responses. The men that grinned at him, he ignored. The ones that looked away comprised the majority. One or two glared and he made a note of their names or memorized their faces if he didn't know who they were. Those were the ones who might have had something to do with the attack.

Lt. Martinez hurried over to them. "Are you all right, Alex?"

Alex looked at Ty in surprise and he shrugged. He and the Commodore hadn't said anything. Dr. Henderson was bound by privacy laws and Lt. Ollison would never compromise his case by discussing it. Even so, people knew about the attack. Either the perpetrators had bragged about it or one of the minor players - the nurse Alex had thrown out of the exam room, perhaps - had talked.

It occurred to him that he'd never found out what that nurse had done. He made a mental note to ask Alex later.

"I'm fine, Maria," Alex said. She gave Martinez a curious look. "What have you heard?"

Martinez glanced at McQueen uncomfortably. "They said you were attacked by a couple of men for having a... relationship with Colonel McQueen."

Alex nodded. "That's essentially what happened."

"They actually attacked you just because you and Colonel McQueen are...?" Martinez trailed off with a curious look at McQueen.

Alex clenched her teeth. "Yes. They actually attacked me."

McQueen noted with approval that Alex neither confirmed nor denied a relationship between them. She obviously knew that it didn't matter what she said. People would believe what they wanted to believe.

Martinez looked at Alex closely. "You're sure you're all right?"

Alex shrugged. "A few bruises."

McQueen could tell she didn't want to talk about it. At least not with Martinez. "Excuse us, Lieutenant." he said, placing his hand on Alex's arm and moving her forward in line. They stood for a moment in silence, then McQueen remembered his question about the nurse.

"Alex, what did that nurse say that made you throw her out of the room?"

Alex blushed and wouldn't meet his eyes. "Nothing."

McQueen's jaw tightened. It must have been something about him, otherwise she'd probably tell him. The memory of Alex standing in the doorway wearing the hospital smock and her sweat pants intruded itself. She hadn't been upset, she'd been furious. He repressed a grin at the memory. Apparently, Alex could handle it.

They got their food and found an empty table. At first, they ate in silence since everyone nearby was surreptitiously listening. Eventually, Alex looked up with an irritated expression. She glanced around and the corners of her mouth twitched as everyone pretended to be looking somewhere else.

"So," she said, a little louder then necessary. "You never did tell me whether you enjoyed The Lord of the Rings."

He gave her a surprised look, then smothered another grin. "I did, actually. It was very interesting. There were some fairly obvious archetypes throughout, but on the whole it was... different."

She gave him a disgusted look. "Well-written archetypes are what make good fiction."

"I don't read much fiction."

"I've noticed that about you." She grinned at him and took another bite. "If you want to talk about archetypes, we could move on to Jung, now... or Tarot cards."

"Tarot cards?" he gave her a disbelieving look, then he chuckled as he realized she was teasing him. The smug look on her face made him laugh harder.

Shane was feeling tired and sore and generally miserable when her cockpit opened on the hanger deck. The Wild Cards had found a nest of Chig fighters earlier in the day and wiped them out. It had been a mean fight, though, and their Hammerheads weren't in the best shape as they limped home.

McQueen was just standing there, waiting for them. Something about his stance, the way he held his head told her there was bad news. He cocked his head at them and they followed him to the relative privacy of the hanger observation room. He looked down, then met their eyes.

"Alex was assaulted at approximately 1100 hours yesterday morning."

Stunned silence greeted the announcement. Shane couldn't believe her ears. McQueen had said he'd protect her.

"She's not hurt. Just some bruises. She was pretty badly shaken up, though."

"Did you catch 'em?" Hawkes asked.

McQueen met his eyes steadily. "She didn't see their faces. We don't know who they were."

"Hastings?" Shane asked.

McQueen shook his head. "She didn't recognize their voices. They may have been friends of Hastings, but..." he shrugged. "Hastings and his two friends are in the brig, now."

"What two friends?" Damphousse asked.

"Hastings and two of his buddies threatened Alex before you came back from your last mission."

"She didn't tell us," West said.

McQueen nodded. "She was trying to protect you. And me. She paid the price for that."

"What do you mean?" Hawkes demanded moving toward McQueen. "Alex didn't do anything wrong. And you were supposed to protect her." Hawkes shoved his finger in McQueen's chest.

McQueen just looked at him. "I know."

Shane could see the pain in McQueen's eyes. The Colonel didn't make a mistake very often. "What happened?" she asked softly.

He didn't meet her eyes this time. "I thought I had more time. I went looking for her yesterday morning, but she'd already gone off on her own to the lower decks."

"What was she doing down there?" Wang asked.

McQueen looked at Wang. "Trying to complete the Biographical Information Forms."

Shane made a disgusted noise. Alex had been attacked because she was trying to collect some stupid forms?

"What do you mean by... assaulted?" Damphousse asked quietly.

McQueen looked into 'Phousse eyes. "It was a sexual assault, but she wasn't raped."

Shane's lips curled in disgust as she imagined Alex being mauled by two unknown assailants. The image made her want to vomit.

"Where is she?" Shane asked.

"On the bridge with Commodore Ross."

"You left her alone?" Hawkes demanded.

McQueen shook his head. "Not since the attack. She's been with me every minute. She didn't want to come down to meet you, though. I think she was... embarrassed. She knew you'd want to know what happened. I don't think she wanted to talk about it again." He looked into each of their eyes. "Commodore Ross won't let anything happen to her. He gave up his quarters to her last night. No one would dare touch her while she's with him."

Shane nodded. McQueen was right. No one would dare touch Alex while she was with Ross.

"We want to see her," Shane said.

McQueen nodded. "I know. It might be better if you give her a little time, though. I don't think she can handle seeing all of you at once."

Shane looked around at the Cards. "Me and Hawkes," she said.

Wang, West and Damphousse nodded.

"Get yourselves cleaned up, first," McQueen said. "You know she doesn't like to see you like this. We'll be in my quarters when you're ready."

Shane nodded. They would be in McQueen's quarters? A tiny surge of hope ran through her. Maybe something good would come out of this.

Cooper followed Shane into McQueen's quarters. He'd been here before. Sometimes, he came to talk when he was confused about the things Natural Borns said and did. McQueen was pretty good at explaining things to him.

Alex looked the same as she always did, except that she was wearing sweats instead of a skirt or her 'uniform'. She said 'Welcome back,' just like she always did. She hugged Shane, then came over to hug Cooper and he put his arms around her tentatively. He didn't want to hurt her.

"I won't break," she whispered in his ear.

He hugged her tighter and lowered his head to her shoulder. The idea that someone had hurt her made him hurt inside. He wanted to break things. He wanted to sit in a corner and cry. He wanted to hold her and keep her safe. He'd never felt so many different emotions all at once and he didn't quite know what to do with them.

Alex pulled back and looked at him closely. "Are you all right, Sweetie?" she asked softly.

He ducked his head, surprised at the prick of tears in his eyes. She hugged him again and put her hand on the back of his head, pulling it back down to her shoulder.

"I'm fine, Sweetie. It's okay," she whispered.

He hid his face against her shoulder for a moment. He didn't want Shane or McQueen to see him cry. He couldn't stand the idea of some unknown man touching her without her permission when she wouldn't even let him touch her. It wasn't right that she had to suffer just for being friends with him and McQueen.

Alex let him go and backed up a step, then touched his face and smiled at him. He looked up defiantly and saw that Shane and McQueen were looking the other way. He looked down at Alex again. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

"It's not your fault, Sweetie. Things just happen sometimes."

Cooper didn't say anything. It felt like his fault, although, McQueen was supposed to be protecting her. He shot a dark glance at the Colonel.

Alex touched his face again, drawing his attention and shook her head. He gave her a confused look. She glanced at McQueen, then back at Cooper and shook her head again. He got it that time. She didn't want him to blame McQueen. He was still a little angry, but if she wanted him not to be mad, he wouldn't be.

She smiled gently and walked over to Shane. "I'm glad you're back," Alex said quietly.

"Commodore Ross and I have decided to move you," McQueen told Alex. "There's a little too much traffic through your current quarters."

Alex giggled.

"We moved your things to another room..."

"You moved my stuff?" Alex interrupted indignantly. "Without asking?"

McQueen blinked.

Shane smothered a grin. "They don't generally ask in the military, Alex."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I'll remember that."

"Is there a problem?" McQueen asked.

Alex blushed. "Not really. Just a few personal items I'd prefer to keep private."

Shane grinned. McQueen looked over at Cooper. Cooper shrugged. He certainly didn't know what they were talking about.

"I believe Ms. Pellowski packed most of the things since we weren't sure which were yours and which were hers." McQueen's frown said he still wasn't sure what the problem was. "The boxes are sitting on the floor of your new quarters."

Alex relaxed a little. "Well, if Lizzie packed them, that's okay."

"Packed what?" Cooper asked.

"Never mind, Sweetie."

"Captain Vansen," McQueen continued. "If you don't mind, I think it would be best if you stay with Alex until we decide it's safe for her to be alone."

Shane nodded, although the look on her face suggested that she wasn't entirely pleased with the arrangement.

"I'm glad I won't be putting you or the Commodore out anymore," Alex said.

Shane's expression tightened a bit more and Cooper realized that she wanted Alex to stay with McQueen. He thought about it a second and decided he did too. He almost suggested it, but he decided that probably wasn't a good idea. He'd talk to Shane about it later. Maybe they could work something out.

Shane and Alex walked down the hall to the second-best VIP quarters on the ship that were now their new quarters. McQueen had handed over responsibility for Alex a little reluctantly in Shane's opinion. That was good.

Shane needed to get some sleep soon. She'd tried to arrange for McQueen to take Alex back in a few hours, but Alex said she was tired herself. They were both hungry, also, so Cooper had offered to bring them some chow. They walked into Alex's new space and stopped. Shane whistled.

"Not bad," she said.

Alex grinned a little sheepishly. "I really expected to be living in barracks when I got here."

Shane looked around. There were two beds, one on either side of the room. Not just single bunks like in Alex's other quarters, but real beds. The bathroom had its own shower, just like the senior officers' quarters. There were two large desks and lots of space.

Shane whistled again. "I could get used to this."

Alex nodded. "I don't expect to be here long, but as long as I am here, you're welcome to bunk in."

Perfect opening, Shane thought. "Really?" she asked. "You sure you won't be having other company?"

Alex looked confused, then blushed at Shane's knowing expression. "I think that'd be wishful thinking on both our parts," she said softly.

Shane didn't agree, but she also didn't think now was the time to press the issue. Alex was obviously still fragile from the attack. They could talk about his later, maybe have some girl talk before they went to sleep.

"Let's get you unpacked," she said instead. "By the way, what exactly were you so concerned about them moving?"

Alex blushed right up to the roots of her hair. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at Shane. "Are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?"

This must be good, Shane thought. "I'm positive."

Alex opened the boxes and dug around for a moment. She finally came up with a handful of dark red silk and lace.

"Nice," Shane said as Alex shook out the negligee. "I don't understand why you'd be embarrassed for someone to see that. It's not exactly regulation, but so what?"

Alex laughed. "It's not this. It's what I had it wrapped around."

She held out her hand and Shane saw she was holding what looked an awful lot like a fairly small, battery-operated vibrator.

"Is that what I think it is?" Shane asked with a grin.

"Depends. How dirty a mind do you have?"

Shane laughed. "Now I understand why you were so embarrassed."

Alex shrugged. "What can I say? It's been a long time since I've had a man in my bed."

"I hear you," Shane sighed.

Alex laughed, then gave Shane a wicked look. "I can get you one if you'd like."

"A man or a vibrator?"

Alex laughed. "The vibrator's the best I can do for you."

Shane's eyebrows went up. "Tempting, but the barracks aren't exactly private."

"You can always hide it in my room."

"Yeah, but where would I use it?"

Alex opened her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by a knock on the door. "That's probably Cooper," she said with a giggle.

She wrapped the vibrator back in the negligee and stuffed it in a drawer by one of the beds. Shane opened the door to see Cooper standing outside holding a tray of food. The rest of the Wild Cards stood behind him in the hallway.

"You up to company?" Shane asked over her shoulder.

"Absolutely," Alex replied.

The Cards filed in and Alex distributed hugs all around, reassuring West, Wang and Damphousse that she was fine. Everyone stared at the floor for a moment, so, with a wink at Shane, Alex made them help her unpack. By the time they had her squared away, things were almost back to normal.

Alex and Shane were sitting on the bed eating their burgers, when another knock sounded. Cooper opened the door and snapped to attention as Commodore Ross entered the room.

"As you were," Ross said. He looked around the room, then spoke to Alex. "I trust these accommodations are acceptable?"

"Are you kidding? This is way more than I need," Alex told him.

Ross smiled. "Your safety is our primary concern, and these quarters were designed with security in mind."

Ross looked at Shane, then looked meaningfully at the door. She got the hint.

"Okay, Guys. These plates need to go back to the mess hall, and I need to get a couple of things from the barracks if I'm staying here. I guess..." She trailed off and looked from Ross to Alex. "Will you be all right till I get back, Alex?"

"I'll stay with her, Captain Vansen," Ross said. "Just don't be too long."

"No, Sir," Shane said, herding the Wild Cards out the door. "Ten mikes, tops." She glanced at Ross to be sure that was enough time. He nodded and she pulled the door shut behind her.

Ross smiled as the 58th left the room. They were good kids. Ty had done a good job with them. He turned and focused on Alex.

"You realize that it is going to be very difficult for us to catch the two men who assaulted you?" he said quietly. "And that it gets more difficult with every passing hour?"

She nodded.

"I hesitate to put you under twenty-four hour guard, but..."

"I don't think that would work anyway, Commodore. What good am I if I can't do my work?"

"You could still work, there are just certain things you wouldn't be able to do."

She sighed and lowered her head. She suddenly looked very young sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. He wondered what she'd looked like ten years ago.

"Please don't get me wrong, Commodore. I don't want to leave, but maybe it would be best if you sent me back. Admiral Paulson could assign me to another ship..."

"Absolutely not."

Alex looked up, surprised at his emphatic statement. He pulled over a chair and sat down, looking into her eyes.

"Alex, I will not give in to this kind of prejudice. I will not tolerate it on my ship. I am also not willing to loose the best damn assistant I've had since this war started just because there are a few bigots running loose."

Alex smiled shyly. "Thank you, Commodore. I do feel useful here."

He snorted. "That's an understatement. The other members of the Civilian Program are useful. You're practically an entire administrative squad all by yourself. Besides, the 58th would probably mutiny if I shipped their mascot back to Earth."

She laughed. "I think you're exaggerating, Commodore, but thank you for the compliment."

He smiled. "I don't give compliments, Alex. Ask anyone on the command staff."

She laughed again. "So, if you're not here to send me away, what are you here to tell me?"

He sighed. "I hate to put the victim under house arrest, but I can't think of any other way to keep you safe right now."

"We don't know that they'll try something else. Especially now that you're involved."

"We don't know that they won't."

Alex looked at him seriously. "Part of the reason they felt safe attacking me was because they knew I was alone. I didn't have anyone 'watching my six', as the Cards would say."

Ross smiled at hearing the military metaphor coming from her.

"They knew I hadn't told anyone. I behaved like the perfect victim - keeping the harassment to myself, going dark places alone. You'd think I'd have known better."

"You're not suggesting it was your fault?" Ross was surprised to think she'd feel that way. She seemed more sensible than that.

"Of course not. Their actions are their responsibility. But a smart person takes precautions, especially if she knows there's danger. I might as well have painted a target on my back and walked up to an AI saying 'Here I am, shoot me.'"

Ross chuckled. There was some truth to that.

"I can guarantee you that if anything else happens, I will tell someone immediately," she said.

"I'm glad to hear it. In the meantime, don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know what you were getting into."

"I do now," she said with some asperity.

"Do you?" He looked at her intensely.

She blushed, but met his eyes steadily. "If you mean, do I know what I'd be getting into if Ty and I... become closer? Yes, I do."

"And?" he prompted.

"And, I don't care." She lifted her head defiantly. "I'm not going to let a bunch of bigots scare me away from a good friend."

"I'm glad to hear it," he said softly. "I hope, however, that one day you and Ty will be more than just 'good friends.'"

She blushed again. "I think that's up to him, Commodore."

He suppressed a grin. It might be up to Ty, but McQueen was going to get a little help making the decision whether he wanted it or not.

"If he's smart, Alex, he won't let you get away."

She slanted a coquettish look at him. "Why, Commodore. Are you flirting with me?"

His smiled faded and he looked deep into her eyes. "I wouldn't do that to Ty. Not unless he turns out to be a whole lot more stupid than I think he is."

Alex flushed, but she didn't look away. Her voice was soft and intent. "You know, Commodore, I've always thought it was a shame that I met two such exceptional men at the same time in my life."

He smiled slowly. "I'll take that as a compliment."

She smiled back, shyly. "As it was meant to be, Commodore."

Vansen knocked on the door and Ross left. As he walked down the corridor, it occurred to him again that if it had been anyone other than McQueen, he would be using every dirty trick in the book to make that woman choose him instead.

Shane walked out of the bathroom rubbing her hair with a towel. She'd just had a hot shower. Just her. All alone. No one a few feet away. Heaven. Alex was sitting on her bed, reading a book and munching on some cookies.

"Want one?" she offered.

"Yeah," Shane replied.

Alex smiled and held out the bag. Her sleeve pulled up and Shane noticed the large bruise on her wrist. Shane's jaw tightened, but she didn't mention it. "Aren't you going to take a shower?" she asked casually.

"In a minute," Alex nodded.

Shane continued to dry her hair. She wanted to ask how badly Alex had been hurt, but she wasn't sure how to bring it up.

Alex got up off the bed and headed for the bathroom, stopping to grab a big t-shirt on her way. Shane's eyebrows rose. She knew that Alex preferred to sleep in the buff. Lizzie hadn't minded and Alex should know Shane wouldn't. She was trying to hide the bruises.

Shane took a deep breath. She wasn't willing to let this pass. She had to know what happened.

"Alex."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to see those bruises sometime."

Alex was silent for a moment. Finally, she spoke softly. "Maybe. Maybe not."

Shane looked over at Alex. She was looking at the floor. "What did they do to you?"

Alex met her eyes. "They didn't hurt me, Shane. Not badly anyway."

Shane looked back steadily. "You don't have to tell me, Alex. You don't have to show me, either. But I don't want you feeling like you have to hide yourself for the next three weeks while you wait for the bruises to heal."

Alex thought about it for a moment, then sighed. "You're right. This happened partly because I was trying to hide things. I just know how mad you're going to get."

"I'm already mad," Shane said in a flat voice.

"Trust me," Alex said softly. "You're going to get a lot more angry."

Alex pushed her sweat pants and underpants off her hips and stepped out of them, then slowly raised her top. She turned partly away from Shane as she undid her bra, then turned so Shane could see her full on.

Shane looked at the dark bruises on the fair skin. The one on the wrist was trivial. Shane got things like that everyday during combat training exercises. The bite on the shoulder was disgusting. The fingerprints on Alex's hip and the huge bruise on her breast made Shane want to gag. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to have someone touch her that way. She'd been in a lot of fights in her time, but no one ever laid a hand on her without getting some serious payback.

She met Alex's eyes. "Maybe I need to teach you how to fight."

A slow smile crept up Alex's face. "I actually know how. I just don't have the right instincts."

"What do you mean?"

Alex laughed softly. "I was the only civilian who opted for more than the required, basic self-defense course. They got me a special tutor. He said I'd do fine if we were ever attacked by Chigs, but I didn't have the instincts to defend myself against my own kind. He tried to tell me that I should be more worried about the men on the Saratoga then about Chigs and AIs, but I didn't believe him. I really didn't think I would ever have to defend myself against my own military."

Shane nodded. "You're not the only one who's had to get over that feeling."

"Well, I think I'm over it now. And I could definitely use a refresher course in the finer points of unarmed combat."

"As soon as you feel up to it."

Alex smiled. "Thanks, Shane."

"No problem, Alex."

Alex walked into Tun Tavern in the middle of the 58th. They were being ridiculously overprotective.

With Ross' blessing, they'd appointed themselves her own, personal honor guard. There were always two of them everywhere she went. They absolutely would not let her go anywhere alone - and that meant *anywhere*. Shane and 'Phousse even followed her to the bathroom. They practically wouldn't let anyone near her except Ross and McQueen. Nine hours of it was about to drive her crazy.

She told them she was going to Tun Tavern this evening. They objected.

She said she wanted to get on with her life and get back to some semblance of normalcy. They argued.

She explained that she really needed to relax and a pleasant game of pool or poker was just the thing. They told her they'd really rather she didn't.

Finally she stamped her foot and told them she was going to Tun Tavern tonight with or without them. When she turned around, she saw Ross and McQueen grinning from ear to ear and very nearly shoved them both out the nearest airlock. The only thing that stopped her was the thought of what a waste it would have been.

Ty was sitting alone at the bar. He ducked his head to hide a grin when she walked in surrounded by her five guardians. She stopped, then turned to the Wild Cards and planted her hands on her hips.

"Go away," she said.

They looked at each other, then back at her.

"Huh?" Cooper said intelligently.

"Go away. I am perfectly safe here. I am going over there," she pointed toward McQueen and enunciated each word clearly as if speaking to small children. "You can see me from over here. Shoo." She flipped her hands at them, then turned and stomped over to McQueen.

He turned his head away, hiding another grin.

"Don't say anything," she said through gritted teeth.

He shook his head, trying not to laugh.

"Don't you dare laugh."

A snort escaped, then a chuckle, then he threw back his head and laughed. She couldn't help it. She laughed with him.

"It's not funny," she said when they finally started to calm down. That set them both off again.

Siverson walked over and looked at the two of them suspiciously. "Did you two visit another bar before coming here?"

Alex and McQueen laughed harder and Siverson joined in.

"What'll you have, Alex?" Siverson asked finally.

Alex glanced at Ty who raised an eyebrow at her. She looked around and saw the 58th lounging around the bar. She turned back to Siverson. "Wine, of whatever variety you got," she said firmly.

Ty grinned and raised his glass. "Good girl."

"'I thought we'd settled that girl/woman thing already,'" she quoted back to him.

He gave her a surprised look, then a slow smile. "So we have."

Siverson brought her a glass of Sangria and she sipped slowly. She took a deep breath and started to relax, just enjoying Ty's company. He glanced over at her with that bare hint of a smile that she liked so much on his face. She smiled back and looked around.

The pool table caught her eye. She looked at it, then looked at him. "Do you play pool?" she asked.

He nodded.

She looked at the pool table again, then looked at him and raised her eyebrows in invitation. He picked up his drink and stood up.

"Shall we?" he asked.

"Absolutely," she answered.

They played a couple of games and she wasn't surprised to discover that he was pretty good. Alex could see Shane straining to watch them play from the corner. She was probably dying to test her skill against Ty, but Alex didn't ask her to join them. Served Shane right for following her into the bathroom. She had another Sangria.

In the middle of the fourth game, an unpleasant voice interrupted her shot.

"Alex, so glad to see you're feeling better." Clarissa's voice just dripped insincerity.

Alex ignored her.

"I hear you got to try two guys at once. Too bad they stopped before you found out what a *real* man can do for you." Clarissa shot a nasty glance at McQueen. "Of course, I also hear you've been keeping the Wild Cards busy." Clarissa smirked at the various members of the 58th. "Do they take turns or do all just roll around together?"

Alex felt herself starting to burn. "Clarissa, you're starting to irritate me again. Don't."

"Or what? You don't have anything on me, Alex."

Clarissa gave her a challenging look. Alex kept her mouth shut.

"I didn't think so," Clarissa said. "So, tell me. Which one's best? Are Tanks as good as they say? Did you try them both at the same time? Like I said, I heard you like to take more than one on at once."

Alex saw Ty's face darken and knew she had to stop this quickly. "Clarissa, you really don't want to do this," she said.

"I hear you have something going with the Commodore, too. Friends in high places, as they say."

"As opposed to friends in low places?"

Clarissa's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I have to hand it to you, Clarissa. It was an interesting way to get the assignment you wanted, but how low can you stoop? I mean, really. An ensign in a broom closet? Please."

Alex could hear the Wild Cards snickering. All the blood drained out of Clarissa's face, which made Alex feel better. She knew she was being stupid again, but she didn't care. She'd be ashamed of herself tomorrow. For right now, Clarissa Carstairs had gone out of her way to insult everyone Alex cared about. She deserved what she got.

"Did you know he made a tape of it, Clarissa? He figured it might be useful to have something on a Senator's daughter. Showed most of his friends, too."

Clarissa gasped and one hand went to her mouth. Alex knew she was wrong about being ashamed tomorrow. She was already ashamed. Clarissa stared at Alex a moment longer, then spun on her heel and ran out of the bar. Alex closed her eyes and sighed. She couldn't bear to look into the eyes of the 58th - or Ty.

"Well, I guess those instincts are kicking in."

Alex opened her eyes and looked into Shane's. A tiny smirk played about her lips.

"I'd say you're getting over that not wanting to go for the throat problem," Shane said.

Alex giggled. She looked over at Ty. He was trying to look disappointed, but he wasn't succeeding very well.

Wang wandered over. "An Ensign in a broom closet?"

Alex giggled again. "I shouldn't have said it."

"Are you kidding?" West said. "She deserved it."

"Is that really how she got stationed here?" Damphousse asked.

Alex nodded. "He changed her appointment before it was submitted to Admiral Paulson for approval."

"Really?" Ty's look said he might have a use for that information. Alex wondered whether Ross would know about it tomorrow.

"That really wasn't nice of me," Alex said with a smile.

"No." Shane's gave her a broad grin. "It sure wasn't."

West pulled Cooper aside as everyone else was heading for their quarters. Cooper gave him a questioning look but didn't argue. West waited until everyone else had moved on.

"Did you get the idea that maybe Carstairs knew more than she said about the attack?" he asked Cooper.

Cooper thought about it for a second. "Maybe," he finally said. "She knew there were two of them, but that's all over the ship."

West nodded. "She said 'they stopped before Alex got to try a *real* man'."

Cooper's jaw tightened. "Everybody knows Alex was attacked because she's friends with me and McQueen."

"Yeah, but there was just something about the way she said it."

Cooper watched West for a moment. West was good with people. If he thought there was something, maybe there was. "What do you want to do?"

West looked at him and smiled a cold smile. "It can't hurt to ask her."

Cooper smiled back. "Nah, it never hurts to ask."

"Especially if we're polite about it."

"Who's there?" Ross demanded. Whoever was knocking on his hatch at 0254 hours had better have a damn good reason.

"McQueen, Sir. And company."

Ross' eyebrows rose and he got out of bed and put on his pants. He pulled on a shirt and started to button it before telling McQueen to enter. McQueen opened the door and ushered in one of the civilian women. Carstairs, Ross decided, the one who worked in Inventory. The one who'd hit on Ty. West and Hawkes followed McQueen in. The young woman was practically in tears, and the three men appeared to have no sympathy at all.

Ross crossed his arms over his chest. "What's this all about, Colonel?"

McQueen gave Carstairs a cold look. "Sir, I have received information which suggests that Ms. Carstairs is on board the Saratoga under false pretenses."

Carstairs gasped and stared at McQueen wide-eyed.

"However," McQueen continued, "Ms. Carstairs also has information which might assist us in locating the perpetrators of a recent attack on one of the other members of the Civilian Program. As she desires to avoid having charges brought against her for fraud..."

Ross smothered a grin as Carstairs swallowed hard.

"... Ms. Carstairs has offered to provide this information to us."

"Is this correct, Ms. Carstairs?" Ross leveled his most intimidating look at the young woman.

Her knees actually trembled as she nodded vigorously.

"And you are *voluntarily* coming forward with this information?"

She nodded again.

"In that case, Colonel McQueen, have Lt. Ollison depose Ms. Carstairs as to the particulars of the assault."

"Yes, Sir." McQueen snapped a salute.

Ross didn't miss the twinkle in Ty's eyes as he turned and led the young woman, framed by the two large Marines, out the door.

McQueen was beginning to relax the tiniest bit. They had a lead on the perpetrators now. Carstairs hadn't known who did it, but she knew someone who'd heard the story firsthand. That young man was currently sweating under the tender ministrations of Lt. Ollison after having been dragged from his bed by Hawkes and West.

McQueen glanced at the door to the bridge. Hawkes and Vansen were playing bodyguard to Alex this morning. Alex grumbled good-naturedly, but he was pretty sure she didn't mind too much. Not that it would have mattered if she did.

Hastings and his two friends had requested and passed a verifier scan to prove that they'd had nothing to do with the attack on Alex. They admitted to the harassment, saying they were just trying to scare her into 'behaving'. Ross had them brought up on charges and they were still in the brig waiting to be shipped back to Earth for a full court-martial.

Alex might still be in danger, though. She was the only one who could identify her assailants. It would only be a voice identification, but, under the circumstances, Lt. Ollison said that would be enough. Given the nature of the assault and the fact that Alex was a civilian contractor working on the front lines, the penalty for those two men would be severe if they were caught. A dishonorable discharge and twenty years in Leavenworth was the least they'd get. Their best choice would be to make sure Alex couldn't identify them.

The Wild Cards wouldn't let that happen, though. McQueen was sure of that. The Saratoga was up to fighting strength and Ross had said the 58th wouldn't go out again until Alex's assailants were caught.

McQueen finished the report he was working on and handed it to Martinez. He wanted to go down and check the repairs on the Wild Cards' Hammerheads. As he walked down the corridor toward the elevator, he saw Vansen and Hawkes lounging outside Alex's office.

"Sir," Vansen said.

"At ease, Captain. I'm just passing by."

Alex looked out at him and smiled from behind her desk.

"I'm going to check on the repairs to your Hammerheads," he told Hawkes and Vansen. "Make sure to stop by today after one of the others relieves you."

Hawkes and Vansen nodded.

"They can go now," Alex said. She stood up and came around the desk shuffling some papers. "I never did get all these Biographical Information forms finished. There are a couple of folks on the hanger deck I need to get information from, so we can all go."

McQueen shrugged and fell into step with Alex. Hawkes and Vansen fell in behind them.

Alex glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes with a smile. "Are you going to follow me into the bathroom again today, Shane?"

"It's a dirty job, Alex, but somebody's got to do it."

Alex giggled. "I'll get you for that one."

McQueen smiled internally. Alex was recovering quickly from the assault. McQueen had seen women - and men - who took weeks or months to bounce back from even the little that had been done to Alex. She was a strong woman.

They walked onto the drop section of the hanger deck and Alex looked down at her papers. She looked around, then went over to the foreman. He pointed at one of the men working on Vansen's plane. She moved over to stand politely behind the two men as one gave instructions to the other.

McQueen and Vansen walked around the front of the plane, checking the repairs. Hawkes was looking at his Hammerhead. As one of the men working on Vansen's plane spoke, McQueen recognized his voice as the man who'd told the story about Alex when McQueen was here looking for the nick in West's seal - the one who'd said Alex was just 'taking a walk on the wild side.' He glanced up and identified the man - Gurwitz. Then he heard Alex gasp.

Gurwitz spun around and stared at her, then looked over at Hawkes who was only a few feet away. Hawkes stared, looking back and forth from Alex to Gurwitz. McQueen realized in an instant what had happened. Alex had recognized his voice. Gurwitz was one of the men who'd attacked her.

Gurwitz cursed and shoved Alex aside, then made for the door. McQueen saw red. He wasn't sure how, but he was past the plane. He tackled Gurwitz, bringing him down hard on the deck. He crawled up and turned Gurwitz over, wanting to see the man's face before he broke every bone in it. He could feel Hawkes crowding him, trying to get to Gurwitz also, but McQueen shoved him aside.

He brought his fist down on Gurwitz's face. It felt good. He did it again and again. Suddenly, his arm was grabbed and he was pulled off Gurwitz. He struggled, but there were too many of them.

"Ty! Ty, stop it."

He knew that voice. He looked down and saw Alex. She was only inches away from him, her hand placed lightly on his chest. Her voice was calm and commanding. She'd learned a lot about tone of voice since she'd been here.

He looked to the side and saw two men holding each of his arms. Vansen and three other men were restraining Cooper. McQueen grasped control and took a deep breath. He looked at one of the men holding his right arm. "Let go," he said quietly.

The man looked into his eyes and let go. The other three did the same. McQueen looked down at Alex and saw there were tears in her eyes despite the calm tones.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"I don't want you to get in trouble," she whispered.

"I won't," he said. She slowly lowered her hand and he put an arm around her to keep her near him. He looked down at Gurwitz, who was lying on his side, spitting out blood.

"Take him to the brig," McQueen ordered. "Call Lt. Ollison and a doctor."

The men supporting Gurwitz nodded, wide-eyed, and pulled him to his feet. Crewman Schatt walked over to McQueen and looked at him and Alex. "I take it Gurwitz is one of the men who attacked this young lady?" Schatt asked.

McQueen nodded, recognizing Schatt's voice as the other half of the conversation he'd heard that night. Schatt looked after Gurwitz, then back at McQueen. "You shouldn't have stopped so soon."

McQueen smiled a tight smile and walked over to Hawkes and Vansen. He still had an arm around Alex.

Hawkes glared at him. "That was one of them, wasn't it?"

Alex nodded.

"Why didn't you let me take a shot at him?" Hawkes demanded.

McQueen looked at Alex, then back at Hawkes. "It didn't occur to me."

Alex looked down with a smile.

Vansen chuckled. "I'd say not much occurred to you right then, Colonel."

He gave her a quelling look and she subsided with a tight grin.

Taking a deep breath, he remembered his duty. "I have to go inform the Commodore that one of the perpetrators has been caught." He gently pushed Alex towards Hawkes "Until Gurwitz tells us who the other man was, she's still not safe."

Hawkes nodded and moved closer to Alex. McQueen looked at her, then reached out and wiped a tear off her cheek. She laughed brokenly.

"You've been doing that a lot lately," she said.

"I know. I don't like it."

Her eyes widened with hurt.

"I don't like it when you cry," he clarified.

Her eyes softened and she looked down.

"Captain. Lieutenant. I hold you responsible," he said.

"Yes, Sir." They both snapped to attention.

He didn't look back as he headed for the elevator. He knew she was safe with them.

One week later, McQueen was sitting in Tun Tavern, having a drink. Gurwitz had identified his co-conspirator and the two of them were in the brig with Hastings and his two friends, awaiting transport back to Earth for court-martial. Ollison said that with the evidence and Alex's testimony, all five men would receive the maximum sentences possible.

Things were getting back to normal. Alex had moved back into her own quarters and went where she pleased now, without an escort. Ross kept her busy, but close to the bridge. McQueen and the 58th occasionally hovered, but she took it in stride.

Ross walked into the bar and sat down on the stool next to McQueen. Siverson set a glass of Scotch in front of the Commodore and he nodded his thanks. They sat and sipped in silenced for a few moments.

"That is one hell of a woman, Ty," Ross said suddenly.

"Commodore?"

"Alex."

McQueen nodded, a little confused.

Ross took another sip of Scotch. "I'm a patient man, Ty, but even *I* will only wait so long."

"Sir?"

Ross looked him in the eye. "I don't poach on another man's territory, especially when that man is a good friend. But enough is enough and I am giving you fair warning. If you don't do something about Alex Larson, *I* will." Ross swallowed his Scotch and gave McQueen a tight grin. Then he walked out of the bar.

McQueen sat for a moment considering. He knew Ross well enough to know that he was serious.

McQueen hadn't done anything about his feelings for Alex or her feelings for him. Not yet. He meant to, but he just couldn't decide what he really wanted. Until now. Ross' warning had crystallized the issue for him, as the Commodore had undoubtedly meant it to. McQueen wanted Alex Larson. He wasn't willing to let Ross or anyone else have her.

He finished his drink and went looking for her. He found her sitting in the mess hall with Pellowski. When McQueen walked up to the table, Pellowski excused herself with a smile.

"What's up, Ty?" Alex asked.

He looked at her. She looked back, curiously.

"Do you still remember my door code?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Would you like to use it?"

Alex blushed slowly. Her expression was totally defenseless and he could tell she wanted to look away. He replayed the words in his head and realized they were too blunt for Alex. Too many years of listening to bad passes and come-ons had made him crass.

He looked down. "That wasn't what I meant to say."

He looked back up and saw a slow smile spread across Alex's face. She was still blushing, but her eyes were laughing at him. "I don't know," she said. "It had some merit. It was concise and to the point."

He felt himself start to blush.

"Ty! You're blushing."

She was laughing at him, but he deserved it.

The smile faded and she looked at him, her eyes completely honest and open. "The answer is 'Yes', Ty, but I would never do so without an invitation."

He opened his mouth to answer, but she held up a hand and continued speaking.

"Your friendship is very important to me, Ty. I don't want to lose that. I doubt you're interested in a one-night stand, but just in case..."

"I'm not."

She blushed again, and nodded. "Good. Neither am I."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked.

He looked at her intently, then reached over, barely touching her hand. "You use my door code."

© 1998 Tere L. Matthews